My Guardian Angel
by Terminally Introverted
Summary: For Feliciano, everyday at school is a nightmare filled with people that love making him miserable. He thinks it will never end until one day during a particularly violent attack, a mysterious blue-eyed stranger comes out of nowhere and rescues him. Not long after, Feliciano starts to feel things he doesn't quite understand.
1. Chapter 1

Feliciano didn't dare to open his eyes. All he could feel was pain. Every inch of his body had been struck or scraped against the ground at least once in the past twenty minutes. He didn't know what he did to deserve it. He never knew what he did to deserve it. This time, however, was different. It usually didn't last long. This time they weren't stopping. If anyone had walked by, they didn't care. Feliciano felt a sharp pain shoot through his ribcage and began to cough and sputter. He cried out, only to be met with a series of vulgar insults. Honestly, he knew better. No amount of crying would make them show and sort of mercy towards him.

He wasn't sure how many of them there were. It had started off with there being three. Was it only two now? Could there be four? All he knew is that he was outnumbered and fighting back wouldn't help him. He had already begged them to stop, but it seemed as though his pleas only made it worse. The first time he tried they kicked him in the mouth. He heard them laughing. Something collided with the back of his skull and his vision blurred. His cheek scraped against the pavement he was pressed to. There were stars now. _Finally._ He thought. If he blacked out it wouldn't hurt; at least not until he woke up.

Suddenly, he heard a new voice shouting. Feliciano couldn't make out what anyone was saying since they were all yelling at once. It sounded like someone fell, and someone else kicked Feliciano again, this time it was a blow to the back. There was more screaming. A loud clattering of footsteps went off in all directions and angry conversation filled the air. There was a series of violent-sounding noises, then a final flurry of running before everything went quiet. He couldn't move at first, he didn't want to. It was over. Finally, it was over. Maybe he had died, at that point he wasn't sure.

This delusion was shattered when he felt something touch his shoulder. Feliciano opened his eyes, wincing. All the pain came flooding back. His cheek burned and his head felt like someone had put a knife through it. He tried desperately to catch his breath despite how painful it actually was to breathe, his eyes brimming with tears as he coughed. His throat was on fire. He saw a figure in front of him despite his dizziness. The figure had blonde hair and a strong upper body, looking down to examine Feliciano.

Feliciano threw up his hands in defeat and tried his best to twist away from him. He didn't think his body could take anymore beating. "Please…" he said, squeezing his eyes shut again.

"Relax." The person said, "I'm not going to hurt you." His voice was deep and gruff, topped off with a slight German accent. Something about his voice relaxed Feliciano. He didn't sound angry, for one thing. Really, his tone didn't hold much of any emotion.

Feliciano finally opened his eyes to look at him. The man, or should he say boy since he was wearing the same school uniform he was, was huge in stature. The white button down he wore seemed to be straining to stretch over his upper arms and chest. His blonde hair was slicked back with a few strands hanging in his eyes, which were just as blue as they were serious.

"Who are you?" Feliciano asked. His entire body shook with fear.

"My name is Ludwig Beilschmidt." He responded, pushing his stray hairs back. "Now where does it hurt?"

"Huh?"

"Where are you in pain?" He asked. His eyes ran up and down Feliciano's form like he was analyzing him.

Feliciano began to believe he really had lost consciousness, because nothing about this situation seemed like it could be anything besides a dream. Not only had this complete stranger saved him, but he was now concerned with his wellbeing. Feliciano hesitated before gesturing to his sides.

"I think I was kicked here a lot." He winced in pain as he pressed his ribs lightly. "And my head…"

"They hit you with a rock." Ludwig said, cutting him off. "I got here right after it happened, I apologize that I couldn't stop it."

Feliciano looked at him with a dumbfounded, empty expression. What did this guy care? If anything, he expected him to join the guys who were beating him up. Judging by his build, he certainly could have. He lurched back instinctively when Ludwig pressed on his side.

"Nothing seems broken. Now are you nauseous? Do you feel dizzy?"

Breaking away from the trance his eyes had forced him into; Feliciano paused to access his injuries. "No, not anymore at least."

"I just thought you were at risk for a concussion. I suppose you weren't hit hard enough." He said. For a moment after, he paused. "I suppose I should learn your name."

"Feliciano Vargas." He looked at Ludwig for a moment. He searched for evidence of him having ulterior motives, but found none in his worried face. "Why are you doing this?" He blurted, regretting it almost before he said it.

Ludwig sighed and broke eye contact. "I've been in your position." Feliciano looked to him wide-eyed, silently contemplating what he could mean by that. But Feliciano didn't have time to ask questions, since he quickly changed the subject. "Let's clean up your cuts." He said as he stood.

Ludwig looked at him for a moment. Feliciano was just able to sit up and was only beginning to fully grasp what was going on. Realizing this, Ludwig helped him get up and walk to his car. He opened the door and gestured for Feliciano to sit, then went to his trunk and got a small first aid kit. When he opened it and retrieved a Band-Aid, he looked at Feliciano like he was asking for permission.

Feliciano stared back at him. He was uneasy at first to let this stranger touch him, but he nodded anyway. He couldn't exactly leave the wounds open. He soon relaxed when he realized Ludwig had a gentle touch. That wasn't what he had expecting, judging by his size. Looks really can be deceiving, he supposed. It wasn't until he was halfway through bandaging him that Ludwig spoke again.

"May I ask what prompted this?" Ludwig asked as he peeled the back of a Band-Aid.

Feliciano wasn't sure if he had an answer for that. He was never quite sure what started these things. They just kind of happened. "I guess it was my fault, I shouldn't have walked out the back entrance. They usually hang out there I mean, so I probably could have avoided it." He said.

Ludwig paused to look at him before continuing. "Who's 'they'?"

"Just some guys I know. They don't like me too much…" He trailed off. Feliciano could have elaborated, but he was too tired to even attempt to explain what had happened. It would take forever.

"So you did nothing to offend them."

Feliciano shook his head. Ludwig sighed. "I thought so." He said as he finished with his first aid project. "Would you like a ride home?"

He looked at him for a few moments. Nobody besides his own brother had been this nice to him in ages. Doubt rose in his chest. "How do I know you're not going to hurt me?" He asked.

Ludwig looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "Why would I hurt you if you've done nothing to hurt me?"

Feliciano smiled weakly. He was glad someone still had that mentality. "Okay. Thanks, Mr. Stranger." He said.

The ride passed in comfortable silence. When the car came to a halt in front of his house, Feliciano reached for the door handle.

"Wait." Ludwig said. Feliciano froze and watched as he pulled a scrap of paper out of his pocket and jotted something down on it. He handed it to him, and Feliciano realized it was a phone number. He stared vacantly at the numbers like he didn't know what they meant. When he didn't say anything, Ludwig continued.

"Feliciano, if anyone gives you trouble or you need something, I would like you to be contact me." His eyes and voice were free of any kind of sarcasm.

Feliciano starred at Ludwig blankly before quickly nodding and getting out of the car, muttering a few extra words of thanks. As soon as the vehicle was out of sight and he was alone with himself, Feliciano became painfully aware of what had happened to him. Again.

He unlocked the door to his house and let go the second it closed. Unable to fight it back any longer, he leaned against the door and started to cry. He cried because of the pain. He cried because this wasn't the first it had happened and it certainly wouldn't be the last. He cried until his eyes stung and his throat ached with stale sobs. Everyday, it was something new. There was always someone hell-bent on ruining Feliciano's day, someone who seemed to have it out for him for no reason at all.

Feliciano realized that crying wouldn't help. After allowing himself a minute to breakdown, he took a series of deep breaths and did his best to calm down. Everything was okay, at least for now. He was still in a lot of pain, but it wasn't as bad now that he was bandaged. Positivity was essential at that moment.

He focused on that fact that he was grateful for the silence and solitude; finally a place where he could afford to show weakness. Things had been pretty quiet since Lovino left for college. This was a good thing, he supposed. It had been getting harder and harder to conceal his injuries and act cheery when he was around. Still, Feliciano missed having someone to talk to. His older brother had been more or less his only friend throughout the duration of his childhood. All his other friends had eventually turned on him in one way or another, either because of peer pressure or just because they could.

Although, now there was Ludwig… Feliciano shook his head, trying to get the ridiculous thought out of his head. It was very likely he'd never see him again. He probably had just felt sorry for him. It would be best if he forgot Ludwig existed.

Ignoring his better judgment he reached into his pocket and freed the scrap of paper. It couldn't hurt just to save the number, right? Tentatively, he reached for his cellphone, switched it on and added the number to his contacts. This brought his number of contacts to a grand total of three- Lovino, Grandpa Roma, and now Ludwig.

He slumped down to the floor and stared at the numbers on the glowing little screen. In a moment of madness, he considered calling Ludwig just to thank him again. As soon as he caught himself Feliciano shook his head and reminded himself to forget him. He needed to get his mind off of this. Feliciano cleared his throat, wiped his eyes and called Lovino. He pressed the phone to his ear and listened to the ringing. After three rings, there was an answer.

_"__Pronto."_

Feliciano smiled into the empty room upon hearing his brother's low voice. "It's me." He said.

"Feliciano! Is everything ok?"

"I just wanted to say hi."

"Alright, I can't talk for too long though. I have a late class to go to. Is school going ok?"

Feliciano bit the inside of his lip. He was never the best liar. "Yeah, I'd say it's alright. Same as usual." That wasn't a lie. It was the same as it usually was. He chuckled halfheartedly, hoping that would be convincing enough.

Lovino, however, didn't sound very convinced. "Are you sure? Your voice sounds off." He said, suspicion hanging in his voice.

"Allergy season." He stammered, "Yes, I'm sure. Everything is fine here, boring really! It was a lot more fun when you were around. It's pretty fun not having to live by anyone's rules, but I miss you!"

Lovino sighed. "I'm still not sure about you living alone, Feliciano. You're only sixteen. I can't believe Grandpa Roma is allowing this."

Feliciano had trouble believing that himself, but he didn't let it show. "Ah, come on _fratellone. _Give me some credit. I think I'm old enough to take care of myself." That was definitely a lie. Lovino had left for college in the fall, and their grandfather had been living in Italy for a couple of years because of their work. Feliciano was originally to go join him there after Lovino left, but after much debate he was allowed to stay at the house with support from his grandfather.

Lovino had been even more against it than anyone. He had made it explicitly clear that he thought there was no way his little brother was in any way ready for it, and he was probably right. Really, Feliciano had wanted to go. It would have been an escape from all the problems at school, but he didn't want to run away. More than anything, he wanted to prove to his family that he wasn't the baby they always saw him as.

"Well, if you change your mind we can always make arrangements. I have to go now, but call me if you need something, ok? Take care of yourself, _fratellino._"

They said their goodbyes and hung up. Feliciano really needed to hear his big brother's voice again after what had happened. Although, he needed to make him believe that he was doing okay. The last thing Lovino needed in college was to worry about his weak baby brother's safety. He sighed, flipped the phone closed and placed it in his pocket.

Now, it was his favorite time of the day. Feliciano put a CD in the stereo and filled the house with beautiful Italian music that reminded him of home. He retreated to the basement in a flurry, flipped on the lights and was greeted by dozens upon dozens of his own paintings.

Landscapes, people, sometimes even complete nonsense- he loved them like children. Each was a representation of how he was feeling that day or a significant event in his life. His art gave him a much-needed escape. Painting gave him freedom, took him into a different world that he controlled, allowing him to create everything and anything with the stroke of a brush.

Feliciano sat down in front of a blank canvas. He hummed along to the music as prepped, and the horrendous day at school beginning to melt away. His injuries seemed to hurt less, and his loneliness was erased as he began putting paint to paper. Usually, he had no idea what he was going to paint before he started. Sometimes, he still had little idea even when he was finished. He simply went with his muse, and whatever happened, happened.

He began painting the outline of a body with no specific end in sight. The music got to a considerably emotional verse and Feliciano sang along, his confidence in his work growing his every stroke. He was in his zone, almost oblivious to everything else. Not in pain, not worrying…he wasn't even giving much thought to what he was doing. After a good half hour of this, Feliciano returned to reality and stopped painting to examine what he had accomplished. He had come up with what appeared to be a male angel with blonde hair, blue eyes, and a muscular build-

Feliciano smacked his forehead. Starring back at him was the splitting image of Ludwig, as an angel. What's even worse is he wasn't even _trying_ to paint Ludwig, it just kind of happened. How creepy is that? He'd spent thirty minutes with the guy and maybe had a two-sentence conversation. Even so, he had remembered every detail of what Ludwig looked like.

Slicked back hair, stern eyes, wide shoulders, even the way his shirt stretched over his upper body- it was all there, mocking him from the canvas. Feliciano got over his shock and chuckled. Really, it was kind of funny. How silly it was to still be thinking of this stranger. He cleaned his brush and headed upstairs, leaving the canvas behind.

_To Be Continued..._


	2. Chapter 2

_There was light all around him. In front of him, there was a figure that glowed brighter than the sun. He was in awe, unable to speak and nearly blinded. In an instant, the light dissipated. Standing there an angel, extending a hand towards him. He reached towards him. Inner peace enveloped him like a warm blanket. Suddenly he felt himself falling. Someone was calling out for him as he fell farther into nothing, darkness closing around him. The last thing he saw was a set of beautiful blue eyes. _

Feliciano bolted up in his bed, breathing heavily and sweating like he'd run a marathon. It had all been a dream. Not only had it been a dream, he had dreamt about Ludwig the same way he was portrayed in the painting. He groaned and cupped his spinning head in his hands, willing his racing heart to slow down. Right then, he knew only one thing- he needed to get this stranger out of his head.

Frazzled, Feliciano looked over to his alarm clock. 6:10… he needed to be up in a little over ten minutes anyway. He tossed the covers off of him haphazardly and stumbled towards the bathroom. He switched on the lights, and when he looked at his reflection in the mirror, he was taken aback. He looked much worse than he had anticipated. There was a deep purple bruise under his right eye. His lip had swollen where it was cut. The Band-Aids on his cheek had fallen off overnight and began bleeding again, leaving dried blood stuck to the side of his face. He lifted his shirt to inspect his ribs, which were now covered in patchy bruises roughly the size of tennis balls. His arms and hands had a few minor scratches.

Overall, he felt sore. It wasn't awful, it was comparable to what you might feel the morning after an unusually intense workout. Still, it was far from pleasant or comfortable. Feliciano sighed, washed the blood off his face and put on a fresh, large bandage. He looked at himself in the mirror again. He had to admit to himself, he looked ridiculous. With the large bandage on his cheek competing for attention with his eye and lip that looked like bees had attacked him, it wasn't pleasant to look at.

Swallowing his pride, he opened the drawer below the sink. Among various other toiletries sat a small container of concealer. Its primary use was for girls to cover blemishes and the like, but Feliciano needed it to conceal various injuries. He used it a lot more when Lovino was around so he wouldn't catch on. He unscrewed the top and dabbed it around his black eye and the redness around his mouth, careful not to press too hard. He turned his head from side to side, examining his work. He was by no means perfect, but he looked better than before.

Still, he was grateful the damage wasn't as bad as it could have been. Last year, Feliciano had been shoved, almost thrown to the ground in the parking lot and landed on his wrist. This had broken it and he had no choice but to go to his brother. Thankfully, he had managed to convince him that he'd simply tripped. It was admittedly a weak excuse and Lovino wasn't stupid. However, he wasn't one to push. Since high school began, Feliciano had become an expert in concealing various injuries. Long sleeved shirts, makeup, even making up excuses had become second nature. It helped that he was clumsy, so Lovino was used to him hurting himself anyways. Feliciano took one final look at his reflection and went to make himself a lunch before leaving.

The morning had passed without much incident. There had been a few comments about his face and he was pushed in the hallway once, but nothing he couldn't handle. Finally, it was time for lunch. Feliciano never ate in the cafeteria; it wasn't as if he had anyone to eat with anyways. Instead, he retreated to the side of the school. There, there was a small hill overlooking a forest preserve. It was tranquil, exactly what he needed. The weather was nice that day. The air was warm on his skin, birds sang in the distance. He unpacked his lunch, leftover pasta from the night before and fruit.

Looking up at the sky, he had a sudden flashback to one summer when him and Lovino were children. They had gone on a picnic with their parents, and they had played football until they were too exhausted to kick the ball anymore. They'd fallen asleep under a tree in the soft grass, and their grandfather carried them to the car without even waking them. The weather had been nearly identical to this. Feliciano lay down in the grass and closed his eyes to relive the memories.

He had almost nodded off when he heard footsteps close behind him. He opened his eyes and sat up, looking around in all directions trying to locate the source of the noise. His heart nearly skipped a beat when he saw Ludwig standing behind him. Instinctively, he began gathering his things.

"Sorry! I mean, I'll move, hold on." He said as anxiety clutched his throat. "I didn't know you wanted to eat here, usually no one comes here but me, sorry."

"Why are you packing up?" Ludwig asked. Feliciano's heart skipped a beat when he sat beside him. "I would like to eat lunch with you."

Feliciano froze. This, he had not expected. "You do?"

"I do. Do you not want this?"

"No! No, I mean yes. I mean, yes, let's eat together." He stammered. He put his things back where they were and waited for whatever was to come.

Ludwig paused to take out his own lunch. Was that…bratwurst? "You seem nervous around me." He said. Feliciano blinked. Well, he certainly didn't waste time.

"Oh, no. It's not like you scare me or anything!" Feliciano laughed, and it was not until after he stopped that he realized how unnatural it sounded. Moments like this made him wish he were a better liar.

Ludwig didn't verbally acknowledge the comment. Instead, he leaned forward and turned his head to get a better look at Feliciano's face. "_Mein Gott..._" he muttered.

"Huh?" Feliciano shot backwards when he realized Ludwig was starring straight at him. He didn't know what he'd said, it's not like he spoke German, but he could tell his words weren't out of happiness.

"Your face- you're hurt worse than I thought." He clenched his jaw and pursed his lips into a thin line.

"Oh…oh! No, no, I'm fine really!" Feliciano began to furiously adjust his auburn bangs to cover his bruised eye to no avail.

"Feliciano, it isn't difficult to see that you aren't fine." Ludwig leaned back and stared into the sky with eyes full of contemplation. Feliciano had never met someone so blunt and so confusing at the same time. Even though he seemed as though he wanted to be around him, when he spoke it sounded as if he was scolding him.

"Well, aren't your friends missing you right now?" Feliciano asked. It was the entire school's lunch period, so Ludwig surely had a group people he usually sat with. Feliciano expected that Ludwig would be well liked. Sure, he look intimidating at first, but the way he had gone out of his way to help Feliciano proved that he wasn't.

"No. I eat alone if I'm not in the weight room." He paused to swallow. "What about your friends?"

_What friends? _Unless you counted Lovino or the indiscriminate, nameless people that _didn't _want to hurt Feliciano, he couldn't say he had any real friends. Not wanting to make that confession, he simply shrugged. "How did you find me out here anyways?"

"I have seen you here before. Now that we know each other, I thought you might like some company."

Feliciano felt his heartbeat pick up as a spasm of embarrassment hit him like a punch in the gut. If there was one thing he didn't want, it was someone spending time with him out of pity. Not only that, but this was the first time he'd eaten lunch with another person since he'd come to the school. He shook his head, pushed the thought out of his mind and changed the subject. What else could he do?

"Ludwig, can I ask you a question?"

"Sure."

Feliciano paused, unsure he should ask. Thinking he had nothing to lose, he asked anyway. "How did you find me yesterday?"

Ludwig grimaced as if this was an unpleasant memory for him too, and Feliciano mentally kicked himself. "I had forgotten my jacket inside the building and had decided to go back for it. I was going to go through the back entrance when I saw what was happening."

"Why didn't you just walk away?" It didn't seem like an unreasonable thing to do, seeing as though his is what everyone else did.

Ludwig eyes flickered. He looked at Feliciano as though he'd been slapped. "What kind of person do you think I am? I saw someone getting treated like less than an animal; I simply couldn't walk away. That would have been shameful."

Feliciano was taken aback. "Well…thank you." He said finally. He managed to smile, even though it hurt. "Did you ever get your jacket back?"

"I found it in the office this morning."

Feliciano scanned his large frame. "Were you hurt?"

"No. They didn't put up much off a fight. I pushed the one that hit you with a rock, and they ran not long after." His face twisted into a slight grin. Feliciano starred at him. This was the first time he'd shown any sort of positive emotion. "I think they were actually afraid of me. I threw in some German words and they panicked."

Then, Ludwig laughed. He actually laughed. It was a deep, robust laugh unlike anything he'd ever heard. After the initial shock, Feliciano realized that it was pretty funny. He imagined the tough, mean boys running away like little girls from a spider and soon joined Ludwig in his laughing. After the little moment, Ludwig returned to his usual serious state. Feliciano was definitely intrigued by him now, more so than before. He decided to take a risk.

"Why don't you tell me a little about yourself, Ludwig?"

Ludwig's face went blank. "What would you like to know?"

Feliciano thought for a moment. He wasn't used to small talk like this.

"Well, how old are you?" Even though they went to school together, Ludwig seemed so much older than him. His deep voice and build that resembled that of a tank just gave off an air of maturity.

"I am seventeen, and a junior."

Even though that was about what he had expected, Feliciano couldn't help but be shocked. "Oh!" he exclaimed, "I'm a junior too! But I'm sixteen."

Ludwig almost smiled. "You seem surprised."

"Kind of! You seem a lot older than me. Well, a lot of people seem older than me. A lot of people think I look young. But you definitely seem older than seventeen!"

"I've heard this more than once. Believe it or not I haven't always looked like this." Ludwig gestured to himself. Feliciano didn't have time to ask questions before Ludwig checked his wristwatch. "It looks like the period is almost over."

Feliciano was hit with a wave of disappointment. He was having such a nice time he had forgotten he was still in school.

"Feliciano?" Ludwig said. Surprised, Feliciano turned to face him, waiting for him to continue. "Do you still have my number in case there are anymore issues?"

He nodded. "Yes! Of course, I have it saved."

"Could I have yours?" Ludwig reached into his pocket and pulled out a mobile phone. He extended it towards him and waited.

Taken off guard, he hesitated before taking the device, opening it and adding his own number to the contacts. Ludwig thanked him before taking the phone back and grabbing his lunch bag. He stood up and was about to head towards the building before Feliciano called to him.

"Hey, Ludwig?" He interjected. Ludwig turned back to face him. "Same place tomorrow?" Feliciano immediately doubted himself. "I mean, only if you want to and you didn't have other plans-"

Ludwig cut him off. "Alright."

Feliciano wasn't certain, but he thought Ludwig was grinning.

* * *

_To be continued..._


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note: Even though this chapter has nothing to do with him, I'd like to dedicate it to one of my favorite Hetalia characters: Alfred F. Jones! It's his birthday today. :)**

* * *

It was the end of the day, and Feliciano was at his locker. He unlocked it and put away the books he didn't need, making sure to line them up neatly. He hummed the song he had listened to the previous night. _"Today was pretty good." _He thought. Feeling particularly happy about the lack of incident, he began to tap his foot to the rhythm in his head.

As though the simple thought had jinxed him, he heard the too-familiar sound of footsteps approaching him. Gripping the locker door for dear life, Feliciano looked down the hall. Just his luck, it was empty aside from him and whoever was behind him. He didn't think to run, and it wasn't as if he was fast enough to get away. Before he had time to check behind him, his inner monologue was cut off when someone grabbed him by the hair and yanked him backwards. The fear rising in his chest make it difficult to breathe. The nameless boy seemed to be inspecting Feliciano as he pulled him by the scalp, glaring into his eyes with a pleasure-filled smirk plastered on his face.

"Where's your boyfriend now, huh?" He asked. Feliciano assumed he must have been referring to Ludwig.

"He's not…" He muttered almost pathetically. Before he had time to even finish his sentence, the boy rammed Feliciano's head forward, thus slamming his face into the locker's shelf. He felt the cut on his lip reopen and begin bleeding again. The boy held him to that spot for a brief moment before repeating the same action, only with more force. He pulled him back again and forced him to look at him again.

"What's that on your face?" Without warning, he pressed his thumb to the bruise and rubbed violently, removing the cover-up. Feliciano winced and attempted to squirm away, only prompting the boy to tighten his grip.

_"__Ludwig." _He thought. His mind was numb and his body refused to obey his commands. All he could do now was brace himself for whatever was to come. _"Wherever you are, I think I need you again."_

"I can't say I'm surprised, you fucking fairy. You're wearing makeup."

"Please stop…" He whimpered, his voice just barely audible.

"Shut up." The boy kicked Feliciano in shin. When he reflexively bent forward, the much larger boy released his hair and kicked him in the stomach. He gasped, the wind knocked out of him. Using his foot still, he pushed Feliciano into the locker. His head slammed against the back wall with a clang.

Since the school had a small population, the lockers could be bigger. This made them the perfect size to fit a smaller person. The boy kicked both his legs until Feliciano gave in and pulled them towards his chest. He didn't make an attempt to get out. He couldn't see any good coming out of it.

"I don't have time for a pathetic thing like you. You won't even fight back." He slammed the door and spun the dial, trapping him in the little metal box. A moment later, Feliciano heard his footsteps grow quieter before finally disappearing.

It was a tight fit. Feliciano's neck was bent at a bizarre angel against the top of the shelf. His legs were already beginning to cramp. His feet were pressed up against the door at nearly a ninety-degree angle with his shins. His arms where parallel to his sides leaving absolutely no room between them, his torso and the walls. If anything, this was new. Feliciano had honestly thought that this sort of thing only happened in bad movies. His eyes brimmed with tears. If Lovino were there to see this, he would be embarrassed to call him his brother. That guy was right; he didn't even so much as struggle.

Then he remembered; his phone was in his pocket. The problem, however, was getting to it. If he was going to get out of here, he needed to get creative. Using his position to his advantage he managed to press his arm against his leg, which allowed the phone to fall into his lap. Using nothing but force he pried his arm away from the wall, scraping it against the screws in the process. It was painful, but he'd take it over being trapped here all night. His arm was then more or less free which allowed him to pick up the phone.

Before he dialed the number, he paused. For a good thirty seconds he did nothing but stare at the screen in front of him. Even though Ludwig had given him his number for his exact purpose, he felt like a burden. But really, what choice did he have? Feliciano swallowed his pride and dialed the number, putting the phone on speaker since he couldn't quite get it to his ear. To his surprise, Ludwig picked up on the first ring.

He didn't even say hello. It was like he already knew. "Feliciano? Is something wrong?" He asked. There was a sense of urgency to his usually monotone voice.

Feliciano swallowed, faked a smile and attempted to sound like he was just fine. "Hi, Ludwig! Not to bother you or anything, but I'm at my locker and-"

"What's wrong?" He asked, cutting him off. It's not that Ludwig sounded angry, but he spoke as if time was running out.

Feliciano felt a pang of shame before he continued. "Well, this is kind of funny but I'm actually inside of it." He tried to force a laugh but it came out as more of a cry.

"I'll be right there."

After telling him where his locker was, they hung up. After dropping the phone and assessing his situation again, Feliciano felt the urge to cry yet again. However, he didn't allow himself to. He couldn't let Ludwig see him that way. That would effectively make the situation even more pitiful. He was already dreading him seeing him all crumpled up in a locker like something out of a bad teenage comedy. Feliciano couldn't help but wonder why he was sacrificing his time to do this.

He was starting to wonder if Ludwig really was an angel.

Within ten minutes, there was a voice in the hallway that might as well have been music. "Feliciano? Where are you?" The voice called out in that unmistakable German brogue.

He used his one free hand to knock at his locker's door. "Over here."

He heard him running over until he was directly in front of the metal prison. He rambled off his combination to him, and then finally heard the satisfying click before the door swung open.

Ludwig looked at him for a moment with a blank expression. "How..." he whispered under his breath, but didn't finish. He kneeled down in front of him, and Feliciano extended his legs. His legs stung, having fallen asleep. Ludwig helped him free his other arm before grasping both his hands and gently pulling him out. Feliciano's hands felt dwarfed compared to Ludwig's, which felt callused yet gentle. He held them for a brief moment after standing in an attempt to commit the feeling to memory before letting go. He couldn't remember the last time he had physical contact with another person that wasn't out of violence. Throughout the entire process, he didn't look into his blue eyes once.

"I'm…I'm sorry to inconvenience you, Ludwig." He said, staring at his feet.

"Nonsense." He said. "What was I going to do, allow you to rot here all evening?"

Feliciano's eyes stayed locked to the floor. "Where were you when I called?"

"I had just left the school. As soon as you called, I immediately turned around."

"You're a saint." Feliciano joked. He managed to smile, albeit weakly. "You barely even know me."

Ludwig simply shrugged. "I did what any friend would do."

The word hit Feliciano like a bullet. He finally looked away from the floor and stared at him in bewilderment. "Huh?"

"Do you not consider me a friend?"

Feliciano forgot that he was embarrassed. He forgot that anyone had ever shown animosity towards him; in fact he forgot anyone else existed. All that mattered was what Ludwig was saying, and how he finally giving what he'd longed for all these years. "Of course I do!" He said.

Feliciano was beaming, not even bothering to hold back his emotions. He could hardly contain himself. He felt childish getting excited for something that would be mundane for many people. However at this moment, he didn't care. He could remember only a couple times in his life when he truly had someone to call his friend, aside from his own intermediate family. Once had been during early grade school, before the young boy's social life had flipped like a switch and school became a living hell. They'd played together nearly everyday, and went together like peas in a pod. But, one day he told Feliciano he was moving away. After one final hug goodbye, he'd left. He hasn't seen him since.

"Would you like a ride home?" Ludwig asked. The words pulled Feliciano away from his reminiscing.

"Sure!" He responded. His smile was as bright as the sun.

They retreated to Ludwig's car, Feliciano with a huge smile on his face. His new friend kept staring at him. God only knows why he would be so happy after what had just occurred. It wasn't until they were in the car that Ludwig spoke. "I believe you know what I'm going to ask." He said as he put the key in the ignition.

"Hm?" Feliciano had barely heard him. He was too busy gazing out the window and smiling like a madman.

Ludwig sighed. "How did this happen?"

"Oh. Well…" Feliciano's smile faded, his trance broken into pieces. He didn't want to tell him what happened, he wanted to forget that it had happened at all. More than anything, he just wanted to have a normal conversation like the one they'd had at lunch.

Ludwig's eyes softened. "I am not here to judge you, Feliciano."

Feeling slightly more comfortable, Feliciano proceeded. "Some guy just came up to me and attacked me." He made a conscious decision to leave out the details. "He pushed me in the locker and left."

Feliciano noticed Ludwig was clutching the wheel so tightly his knuckles had turned white. "Was this one of the boys from yesterday?" Asked Ludwig.

"I think so, maybe…" He trailed off, staring at the floor yet again. Why did this have to be what their friendship was about? Why couldn't they just be friends without all of these pity strings attached?

Feliciano felt tears brimming his eyes and immediately bit down on his lip in an attempt to hold it back. But in the end, he couldn't. Tears fell down his cheeks helplessly. He turned towards the window and hoped if he were quiet enough Ludwig wouldn't notice. He hated himself for needing to be saved. He hated himself for crying in front of his only friend. Most of all, in that moment he hated himself for what he'd become, someone his brother would be ashamed of.

When Ludwig pulled up to his house a few moments later, Feliciano tried to unbuckle his seatbelt and get out as fast as he could manage. He was stopped when he felt Ludwig's hand wrap around his arm. He was so surprised that he turned to him without thinking, forgetting for a moment that he was still crying. A twinge of shock flashed on Ludwig's face. Feliciano turned away from his sight the moment he realized what he was in fact still crying, but he made no effort to pull away. Just by simply touching his arm, Ludwig had managed to bring him some of the comfort he desperately needed.

Ludwig hesitated like he hadn't planned on saying anything. He spoke slowly, as though he was choosing each word with extreme care. "I would like to come in."

Feliciano's eyes shot open, still out of Ludwig's sight. Even though he didn't want anyone seeing him like this, he craved company like nothing else. He always did. "Why?" He asked finally.

For a moment, there was silence. "I would like to see your house." At this point, Feliciano was sure Ludwig was making this up as he went along.

_Well, why not?_ Feliciano nodded slowly without saying a word. Before getting out of his car, he wiped his eyes and tried to clear his head. The last thing he wanted was to look like a mess. He watched as Ludwig got out and shut the door behind him. After taking a final deep breath, Feliciano joined him before they walked into the house.

The second he shut the door behind him, he froze. What was the protocol for something like this? It wasn't as if he had visitors in and out of his house all the time, in fact he couldn't remember the last time he had a guest. Ludwig was simply looking around and acting as if he was suddenly intrigued by the paint on the walls.

"Where is your family?" He asked.

"I'm actually living alone right now." Feliciano began to look around. "Let me get you something to drink." Not knowing what else to do, he scurried off to the kitchen before returning with two glasses filled with ice water.

Ludwig stared at the glass like it was the most interesting thing in the world. "Aren't you a little young to be living alone?"

"Oh, my grandpa still supports me. He just has to be in Italy right now." Feliciano realized they were both still standing by the front door. "Let's go over here!" He exclaimed, leading Ludwig to the living room.

Ludwig sat down on the couch, his back rigid. He placed his drink on the table in front of him, balled his hands into fists and rested them on his knees. Feliciano instead kicked off his shoes and pulled his knees to his chest.

"Who do you live with, Ludwig?" He asked.

"It's just me and my older brother, Gilbert. Next year I will be alone, since he is going to college. My parents are in Germany."

Feliciano gaped at him. Somewhere along the line, he forgot he had ever been upset. "Wow! We have a lot in common!" He exclaimed, bringing his hands together. "Gilbert is around my brother Lovino's age!"

"I see."

Feliciano pondered what else to say. He wanted to know more about this mysterious boy. Surely, there had to be more than what meets the eye. He wanted to get inside his head and figure him out, like Ludwig was a puzzle he was piecing together.

"What's your favorite color?" He asked.

Ludwig raised his eyebrows. "My favorite color? I do not have one."

Feliciano looked at him expressionlessly. How was it possible to not have a favorite color? "Mine is blue." He said. "Like…" He stopped himself. He had almost said 'like your eyes'.

"Like the sky." He said finally.

"Blue is a lovely color." Ludwig paused. "Do you have any hobbies?"

_Finally. _At last, he was getting Ludwig to continue the conversation! "I paint." He replied eagerly. "I've loved art since I was a little boy."

Ludwig nodded. "Seems appropriate." _What does that mean?_

"What about you?" Feliciano asked. He could only imagine the kind of things he did with his free time. Certainly he must do something besides saving weak boys from their tormentors.

"I lift weights." He replied, folding his hands in his lap. Well, Feliciano couldn't say he expected anything less of him. Ludwig hesitated before completely changing the topic. "Can I see them?" He asked.

Having drifted off into a daydream instigated but Ludwig's eyes, Feliciano came back down to earth upon hearing the sudden request. "Huh?"

"Your paintings."

"Oh!" He exclaimed. "I mean, if you want to. They're nothing special. I hope you're not expecting any masterpieces."

Ludwig's expression remained unchanged. "If they are coming for you, I'm sure they are special."

Feliciano felt his face grow hot. He couldn't remember the last time someone had complimented him like that. He smiled as he collected himself. "Well, thanks!"

Going off the little burst of confidence, he stood up and walked towards the basement door. Before opening it, he paused. From the time it took him to get from the sofa to the door, his burst of confidence had fizzled and his heart had begun to beat in his throat. Not even Lovino had seen the majority of his paintings, much less someone he had just met a day ago.

"Feliciano, is everything ok?" Ludwig stared at Feliciano's hand, which was clutching the handle but not turning it. "I hope I am not overstepping, here."

"No, no! Of course not!" Feliciano shrugged and finally forced himself to turn the knob.

He led Ludwig down the steps and wondered why it felt like he was marching to his death. He took a deep breath before finally switching on the lights. In doing so, he felt like he was naked, exposed and revealing every part of himself and his mind. These paintings were like a diary to him. For a moment after, no one said a word or even moved.

The silence was finally broken. "Wow." Ludwig said, glancing around the room at the dozens of canvases. "This is quite impressive." He walked off the steps and into the basement, gazing at them all like he was in a museum. Feliciano's ears burned. It felt as if his personal space was being invaded. His mind raced with uncertainty. Did he really think they were impressive or was he just trying to be nice? If only he wasn't so impossible to read!

"They're nothing really." He said, running a hand through his hair.

"No need to be modest."

Ludwig walked over to the easel, and Feliciano's heart nearly stopped. "What's this?" He leaned in to examine the work more closely. Feliciano raced over until he was right next to him. He had forgotten about this. His cheeks turned crimson as he starred at the painting, which featured the spitting image of Ludwig as an angel.

"It's, uh, I just…" He stammered. His voice was shaking.

Ludwig raised an eyebrow, but he didn't seem upset. "Is this me?"

"I'm sorry!" Feliciano exclaimed. "I wasn't planning on painting you, it just kind of happened! I did this right after we met and I guess you were still on my mind. I don't really think while I paint!" He brought his hands together and dug his nails into the back of his hand. How could he have been so stupid? He should have gotten rid of it. He could feel his cheeks burning even more, and he could only pray that Ludwig didn't notice.

"Why are you sorry?" Ludwig's eyes had not moved from the painting. "This is nice. I'm…flattered, really."

Feliciano's mouth fell open for a brief moment before it snapped into a smile. In a split second, his embarrassment vanished. "Well, why don't you keep it then?" He picked the painting up off the easel and placed it in Ludwig's hands. "It's the least I can do to repay you for everything you've done."

Ludwig paused as he continued to study the image. It was like he was trying to memorize it. "Are you sure?" He said.

Feliciano didn't hesitate. "Of course!"

"Thank you." He said, smiling slightly. "You have quite a talent, Feliciano."

Feliciano simply shrugged. He had never thought his paintings were better or worse than anyone else's; it was always just something he did. It wasn't like he'd never heard a compliment before; his grandfather never had anything but positive things to say about his art. He wasn't quite sure why hearing these words from Ludwig caused his heart to flutter. He nearly jumped at the new and interesting feeling.

Reality came crashing down when Ludwig glanced at his watch. "Well, I should get going. Gilbert will want me to help with dinner."

Feliciano's heart dropped harder and faster than he had expected it to. "Oh, alright." He was careful not to give away the emotion in his voice.

They walked upstairs, Ludwig with the gift in hand. They stood by the door for a moment, looking at each other like they were both lost in a foreign place. "Thanks for coming today! I had a lot of fun." Feliciano said finally as he smiled up at him.

Ludwig nodded. "Thank you again for the painting."

Feliciano looked at him for a moment. He didn't want him to go. The second he closed the door behind him, he would be alone again, something that he was accustomed to but never particularly enjoyed. He had the urge to do something, anything, to be with him for just another minute.

The second before Ludwig turned towards the door, Feliciano acted on impulse. He took a step forward and wrapped him arms around Ludwig's torso. Ludwig's arms flew from his sides for only a moment like he hadn't expected to be touched, but in one amazing moment, he hugged him back.

Feliciano couldn't remember the last time he'd been hugged. He had forgotten how amazing it was to feel the warmth of another human being and a heartbeat that wasn't his own. He felt his stomach jump and his heartbeat pick up, the same way one would feel seeing a friend that hadn't seen in a decade. He rested his head on Ludwig's shoulder and closed his eyes in an attempt to memorize the feeling. Only God knew when he'd get to experience it again. After a moment that felt much too short, they let go.

"I'll see you at lunch." Feliciano felt his cheeks flush slightly as he smiled. Ludwig nodded, they said their goodbyes, and then he was alone. No matter how hard he tried, Feliciano couldn't seem to slow down his heartbeat.

* * *

_To be continued..._


	4. Chapter 4

The next day when Feliciano arrived at school, he was shocked to see Ludwig standing at his locker. His arms were crossed, and his usual stern look was plastered on his face. Feliciano's heart jumped into his throat. What was going on? Feliciano fought the urge to run up and throw his arms around him.

"Ludwig!" Feliciano exclaimed. "What are you doing here?

Ludwig looked just as surprised as he was, even though he was the one at Feliciano's locker. "I wanted to make sure there wouldn't be a repeat of yesterday." He said. "I would like to walk you to your classes today."

Feliciano wasn't sure he heard him correctly. "Walk with me? Won't you be late to your classes? Don't you get yelled at for being late? They yell at me when I'm late." Seeing as though he never saw him in the hallways, Feliciano had to assume his classes must have been in completely different areas of the building.

Ludwig shrugged. "Do not worry about me. Your safety is more important than my punctuality."

Feliciano couldn't decide whether to feel grateful, guilty, ecstatic, or some weird mix of the three. This situation was becoming more confusing by the minute. Just two days ago, Ludwig had been a perfect stranger. Now he was acting like they had known each other for years, and it almost felt like that was true.

"Thank you!" Feliciano walked over to his locker and took out his books. "Are you sure you want to do this?"

Ludwig leaned against the locker next to them. "Do you not want me to?"

Feliciano shook his head immediately. "It's not that! I want to walk with you. I never get to walk with anyone and it's really lonely and boring, but it just seems like a hassle for you. That's all." He said.

Ludwig looked him dead in the eyes before responding. "Getting abused seems like a hassle for you."

Feliciano opened his mouth to speak when he was cut off by a stomach-turning voice. "Hey faggot, your boyfriend is back?"

He blushed a deep red and looked into his locker, avoiding looking at the boy at all costs. He didn't know who he was, and he didn't care. Feliciano flipped into survival mode. He just needed to get himself out of the situation and be careful not to aggravate him.

"Answer me, dumbass!" He yelled. Feliciano could only bite down on his lip, terrified of what could possibly come next. Breaking free of his thoughts, he glanced at Ludwig. Feliciano's blood ran cold. On his face was what was possibly the most terrifying facial expression he had ever seen on a human being. If looks could kill, the boy tormenting Feliciano would be long dead by now. Military drill sergeants had nothing on Ludwig.

"Move along." Ludwig said. His teeth were clenched like a guard dog. The boy simply scowled at him and ultimately did what he was told.

Feliciano's hands were shaking. He wanted to run, run someplace where he wouldn't need protecting, someplace with people that wouldn't anger Ludwig. He brought his hands up to his face as if to block something and closed his eyes as if he was preparing for something terrible. Ludwig turned to him and raised an eyebrow. Feliciano jumped when he felt his hand on his shoulder.

"It's okay." Ludwig said, continuing to pat his shoulder. Albeit somewhat awkward, Feliciano needed the reassurance. He opened his eyes to look at him and was comforted by the sight of his eyes. He slowly lowered his hands from his face.

"This is why I'll be walking you to your classes." Ludwig said.

Feliciano could feel his legs trembling. "Are you mad?"

"It makes me mad to see people who think they have a right to degrade others, that's all." Taking a moment, he looked at the frazzled boy. He seemed to be trying to shrink away from him, his shoulders quivering and his eyes locked on the floor.

"Feliciano, are you afraid of me?"

"Why would you think that?" He replied, chuckling. It sounded unnatural; he realized that right away.

Ludwig sighed. "Do you really still think I'm going to hurt you?"

"I…" Feliciano searched desperately for the right words. He had never had to justify his fears; they had always just been there. "When people are angry, they're usually angry at me. When people are angry at me, they hurt me." Feelings of shame rushed through him. "I'm sorry, I-"

Ludwig shook his head. "There is no need to be sorry, I understand." He checked his watch. "Now, let's get you to your class."

Throughout the course of the day, Ludwig greeted Feliciano within moments after he walked out of his classroom. Feliciano had trouble figuring out how he kept getting to him so fast. As expected, no one bothered Feliciano when he had the bulky German by his side. He felt like a young child with a teddy bear when he was with him. It was like the difference between day and night, although it wasn't until third period that the two actually spoke to each other.

"How long has this been going on?" Ludwig asked a few moments after they walked away from the classroom. Feliciano immediately knew what he was referring to.

Truth be told, Feliciano couldn't pinpoint any exact moment when the tormenting began. Hell, he was still trying to figure out what he had done so wrong in the first place. It had been a slow progression. At some point in a child's life, their peers start to realize that they aren't all the same. Some are weaker and slower while some are stronger and faster. Some don't have as much to say. They realized that certain clothes made them cool and certain pastimes weren't deemed acceptable anymore.

Somewhere in the process, survival of the fittest takes over. Feliciano must not have made the cut. It could have been his accent or the little curl on his head that never seems to stay where it belongs. Perhaps it was the way he showed his emotions or his aversion to conflict. Either way, somewhere along the line his peers made an example out of him. Since it's easier to continue a tradition than to break it, that's the way it stayed.

"I don't remember." He admitted. "It's been a long time. After awhile, it all starts to blur together. I guess it started one day and then never stopped."

He shrugged, looking up to Ludwig for a reply. When he said nothing, he continued. "It's no big deal, really."

Ludwig stopped dead in his tracks. "No big deal? How can you possibly say something foolish like that?" He said. His eyes were narrowed in what looked like anger. Feliciano stopped too, shocked by the sudden mood swing.

"This isn't just juvenile teasing, Feliciano. Your life was in danger the other day. I don't even want to think how far it would have gone if I hadn't intervened." He ran a hand through his slicked-back hair haphazardly and his mouth twitched in disgust. "You may be used to this, but I won't shrug it off as easily as you do. Are you not angry?"

Feliciano took a step back. The all too familiar feeling of tears welling up in his eyes returned as the harsh words set in. Was Ludwig already tired of him? He seemed so angry, so frustrated, like a bomb ready to explode. He'd never spoken for so long at once since they'd known each other, and the one time he did it was out of anger.

"I'm sorry." He said for what seemed like the millionth time in the past couple days. His lip was quivering again. "But I don't hate them. I don't like hating people. Even if I did, what would it change?"

Ludwig looked to him and instantly softened. "That's quite an amazing way to see things." He said. He took a second to breathe. "I did not mean to upset you. You are not the one I'm mad at." He gestured for him to keep walking, since they would be late soon.

Feliciano tagged along sheepishly with his head down. The nagging feeling in his gut continued to tell him that he'd done something wrong, that he'd ruined everything. When they arrived at the classroom, Ludwig could have left immediately, but he didn't. He stood by the door like he was waiting for something.

"Are we still eating lunch together?" He asked. His arms were completely straight by his sides. Feliciano sighed with relief. He nodded, smiling up at his friend before walking through the door.

It seemed like the wait for lunch lasted an eternity. Feliciano caught himself zoning out in his class and passing the period staring at the clock. All he wanted was to be with his one and only friend again. Even though Ludwig was a man of few words, he was more than happy to just have the comfort of someone next to him as they walked through the crowded halls. More than anything, he was glad to have someone by his side that actually wanted to be there.

When lunch finally rolled around, Ludwig came to Feliciano's classroom at his usual faster-than-lightening pace. They walked outside in blissful silence, the noise pollution from the school during the chaotic lunch period fading away as they walked. Suddenly, Feliciano felt the need to break the silence.

"Thanks for coming, Ludwig." He said, staring into the blue sky above.

"I wouldn't miss it." He said. "This is a nice spot, after all."

Feliciano couldn't help but notice how quickly he responded. He smiled to himself. They arrived at the hill and set up their little picnic, which really only consisted of them both taking out brown bag lunches. After only a minute or two, Ludwig spoke up again.

"I have been meaning to ask you something." He said. Feliciano looked to him and tilted his head, waiting for his question.

"Would like to lift weights with me after school?" He asked, not making eye contact.

Feliciano started giggling. "Very funny, Ludwig!"

Ludwig frowned. "What is funny about this? You should be strong enough to defend yourself." He stated, putting down his food and folding his hands in his lap. Feliciano stopped laughing and instead frowned. While it was a nice gesture, he couldn't help but feel somewhat hurt. Their conversations always came back to this.

"What if I hurt myself?"

"I will be right there if you need assistance."

He could picture it now. He imagined trying to bench-press even the smallest amount of weight and dropping it on himself. Maybe even worse, he'd be unable to even pick the weight. What if he cried? He was always told he cried too much. Masking his emotions was never an area he excelled in, especially when there was pain involved. He cringed. Feliciano didn't even want to think about looking pathetic in front of Ludwig.

_"__You already look pathetic." _A voice in his head spat. He looked away.

"Look, Feliciano." Ludwig said. "I'm not going to force you if you do not want to. However, I would encourage it. I only want to help you and I feel this would do you good."

His blue eyes seemed to have a shimmer to them in the light. Feliciano just looked into them for a moment, mulling over what he had just said. The thought of his physical abilities being tested in front of someone as fit and muscular as Ludwig made him want to run away and hide, but at the same time the thought of spending extra time with him made him feel light enough to fly.

"Promise not to laugh?" Feliciano nearly whispered, playing with his stray curl. It was a nervous habit he picked up a couple years back.

Ludwig shook his head. "I would never."

Feliciano believed him.

As soon as Feliciano made it to the weight room after school, he immediately started to think this was a bad idea. Ludwig wasn't there yet, so he was left alone to absorb his surroundings. The room was uncomfortably humid and smelled like sweat. He was surrounded by impossibly heavy looking equipment as well as a slew of dingy looking towels. Why anyone would spend time here voluntarily was beyond him. He felt uncomfortable and out of place in his gym shorts, which were probably a tad bit too short on him. Before he had time to consider going back on his commitment and running off, Ludwig walked through the door, still in his school uniform.

"You've already changed." He said, eyeing Feliciano's gym clothes. "I'll be ready in a moment." Ludwig proceeded to sit down on one of the benches and began to undo the buttons on his too-tight polo.

"You're changing here?" Feliciano asked.

"I always change here. Does this bother you?" He made it seem as if stripping in a weight room was the most natural thing in the world.

"No!"

He stole a glance at Ludwig as he removed his polo, revealing a blank tank top. Feliciano couldn't help but notice how strong his torso really was and the way his back muscles stretched over his frame like a bodybuilder's. Feliciano caught himself staring and looked away, feeling confused.

What would cause him to stare at him? It wasn't like he'd never seen a boy change before. He had a brother, plus he had to change in school locker rooms every time he had gym class. Still he felt almost guilty; as if he had seen something he wasn't supposed to. He made sure to keep his eyes locked on the opposite wall until Ludwig finished changing.

"Are you ready to start?" Ludwig finally asked.

Feliciano whipped around, looking to his friend who was now in his tank top and shorts. His heart rate began to pick up even though the physical exertion hadn't even begun yet. No, he was not in any way ready. He doubted he would ever be ready. Even so, he nodded. Ludwig picked up a couple of hand weights and gave them to him, before getting his own and sitting on the edge of one of the benches. Feliciano did the same on a near-by bench.

"We can start with simple bicep curls. Follow after me." Ludwig instructed as though he'd been teaching this all his life. He spread his legs apart, rested his elbow near his inner thigh and began to simply curl the weight upwards towards his face. Feliciano watched the muscles in his arm contract as he went through the motions.

That seemed easy enough. He copied Ludwig's positioning and began to follow through with the movements. So far, it wasn't as difficult or horrific as he had anticipated it to be. Ludwig had given him a lighter weight, so he was able to complete the reps without straining himself. Although, after comparing his frame to Ludwig's, he couldn't help but feel inferior.

"You're doing well." Ludwig said, still with a stoic voice. The small compliment alone lit a fire in Feliciano's gut. When his friend switched arms, he did too.

After a few sets, Ludwig suddenly stopped. "Let's have you try the bench-press."

Feliciano's heart sank. Lifting simple hand-weights was one thing. Laying down on a bench and lifting a heavy steel rod right above his neck was a completely different story. He rapped his fingers against his leg. He questioned whether it was better to try it and make a complete fool out of himself or back out and look like a coward.

"Come on, Ludwig, I'll drop it on myself." Feliciano said, only half joking.

"I'll spot you." He said, walking to the press. Feliciano had no idea what it meant to "spot" someone. "I promise you will be fine."

Feliciano sighed. There really wasn't any getting out of this. He nodded before lying down, accepting his fate. Ludwig put weights on the sides of the bar before standing behind the bench. Feliciano grabbed the bar without thought, gripping it with his knuckles facing his legs.

"It's important to keep the proper form." Ludwig took his hands and placed them on the bar again, this time with knuckles facing the wall behind him. He kept his hands there; allowing Feliciano to recapture what he felt when Ludwig grabbed his hands after the locker incident. He wondered if his hands were callused from weight lifting, or if something else had caused it. For reasons that were beyond him, a flush appeared on his face. After his hands were positioned correctly, Ludwig moved his own hands next to his one the bar.

"I'm going to pick it up now." He warned. Feliciano could have sworn his life flashed before his eyes. "Make sure to bend your elbows by your sides."

Ludwig lifted the weighted bar off it's resting place. "Now bring it down." He guided the bar down to Feliciano's chest, keeping his hands on it the whole time. To his surprise, he wasn't quite as afraid anymore. He wasn't sure if that would be the case if Ludwig let go.

Still with the weight near his chest, Feliciano decided to speak up. "I'm not sure if I'll be able to lift it back up by myself."

"Feliciano, look up."

He did as he was told. When he realized that Ludwig's arms were by his sides now, he nearly _did _drop it on himself out of shock alone. If anything, he realized it wasn't nearly as heavy as he anticipated.

"Now all you have to do is bring it up."

Taking a deep breath, Feliciano pushed the weight upwards until his arms were straight again. When he succeeded, he grinned.

"Very good. Try it a couple more times."

Even though his arms shook, Feliciano did just that. Even though it was hard, he didn't feel an urge to give up. It was only a small amount of weight, but Feliciano felt empowered and in control. When Ludwig noticed his arms were shaking more than they probably should, he helped him return the weight to the holder.

"Excellent work, Feliciano. That wasn't so terrible, was it?" Feliciano noticed Ludwig was grinning. Was he actually joking around with him?

He smiled. "No, it really wasn't bad at all!"

Ludwig grinned back at him. "Excellent. Now, why don't you go on the treadmill while I do my reps?"

"Right!"

Half an hour later, they left the school. Feliciano had never been so happy about being sore and sweaty. In that moment, he swore he could take over the world. When they got in Ludwig's car, Feliciano was struck with inspiration. "Ludwig!" He exclaimed. "I have an idea."

"Oh? And what is that?" Ludwig asked as he pulled out of the parking spot.

"Since you taught me one of your hobbies, maybe I should teach you one of mine! You should paint with me!" Feliciano said, looking up at his friend with wide eyes.

Ludwig clenched his jaw. "I can't paint."

"Can you pick up a brush?"

"Well, of course."

"Then you can paint!" Feliciano said, smiling widely. He could find no faults in his logic. Ludwig could be the worst painter in the world, but it was an excuse to see him again.

Ludwig sighed. "I…will consider it."

Feliciano beamed. It wasn't a definite answer, but it was better than a 'no.' He smiled out the window for the rest of the way home. When they pulled up to his house, Ludwig let go of the wheel and just sat there for a moment, looking uncomfortable. A split second before Feliciano went for the door, he reached over and gave him a two second hug.

"I'll see you tomorrow." His words were quick and his eyes were glued to the steering wheel.

Feliciano smiled. "Bye!"

He almost skipped into his house.

* * *

_To be continued..._


	5. Chapter 5

When Feliciano was feverously trying to complete his math homework sometime later, a sudden ringing caused him to jump. He fumbled with his cell phone and nearly dropped it a couple times before finally answering it. Funny, Lovino usually wasn't the one to call him; it was usually the other way around.

_"__Pronto." _

There was a hesitation on the other line. "Feliciano?" It said. The voice was deeper, rougher and definitely not Lovino's.

Upon recognizing the voice he nearly fell out of his chair. "Ludwig?"

"Yes, it's me."

"Oh, Ludwig! You're calling; you've never called before! Do you need something?" Feliciano realized he was rambling, but he didn't care.

"I just wanted to let you know, I would love to paint with you." He said.

Although they could not see each other, Feliciano could guess that he was smiling. He ran up to his room like a schoolgirl, ignoring the fact that there was nobody to hear his conversation. He climbed into his bed and bunched up a wad of covers by his cheek. He brought the phone up, wedging it between the mattress and his cheek.

"Wow! I'm glad to hear that." He said. "It's going to be so much fun! What made you come around?"

"It would only be fair, since I had you come with me today." Ludwig stated matter-of-factly. Feliciano's heart sank. The last thing he wanted was for him to feel an obligation to spend time with him even though he may not want to. There was a lull in the conversation, as if neither of them could find just the right words to say. Before Feliciano could get a word in edgewise, Ludwig continued to speak.

"Not only that, but I would like to spend time with you." Ludwig continued.

Feliciano felt his cheeks become warm. "Really?"

"Of course."

He curled up in this blankets, smiling like a fool. In that moment, he could only feel bliss. The bed he'd slept in a million times felt like a cloud and the sky on the other side of his window seemed a little brighter. "Well, that's great! When do you want to?" Feliciano asked.

"We'll see." Ludwig cleared his throat and quickly veered of the subject. "Well, that was all I needed to tell you."

"Wait!" Feliciano exclaimed. He wasn't ready to stop talking to him, nor was he ready to be alone again. "You don't have to go. I mean I'm not doing anything. Unless you're doing something! Then you can go of course, but I like talking to you." He blushed harder, embarrassed but not sure why.

The line went silent for a moment. "Alright." Ludwig said. "Would you like to talk about anything?"

Feliciano froze. He hadn't thought this far ahead. He knew he wanted to continue this conversation, to hear his voice, but he wasn't sure how. He racked his brain for even the slightest clue. "What are you doing right now?" He said finally.

"I am talking to you."

Feliciano began to laugh at how literal this was. Even though he had only know Ludwig for a few days, he somehow knew that was such a '_him_'thing to say. He was so serious, so hard to read…but at that moment, Feliciano swore he was beginning to get to know the boy behind those stern blue eyes.

"What is so funny?" Ludwig asked. He sounded perplexed.

Feliciano tried, unsuccessfully, to stifle his giggling. "Usually when you ask someone that, you're asking what's going on _beyond_ the conversation." He explained.

"Oh." Feliciano heard Ludwig clear his throat. "If that is the case, I was tending to some schoolwork before I decided to call."

"So was I!" Feliciano bit his lip. This wasn't exactly an exciting conversation. In all honestly, the absolute last thing he wanted to talk about was school. "Hey, Ludwig?"

"Yes?"

"I wanted to tell you thanks, for everything." He began. "I know you probably have better things to do than watch over me, but I'm really happy to finally have a friend!" Even though Ludwig couldn't see, Feliciano clapped his hand over his mouth. He hadn't meant to allow that last part to slip out. There was a long pause and he began to get worried. Finally, the silence was broken.

"I am too." Ludwig cleared his throat again. "Very glad."

Feliciano's eyes shot open. "But you must have other friends!"

"Unless you count my brother, I do not. People are generally intimidated be me. Even you were fearful when we first met." He said. This brought Feliciano back to that first time he saw his blue eyes staring down at him. He admitted he was scared at first, but he would have been scared of anyone.

Feliciano wrapped his free arm around himself, trying to recreate the feeling of the hug they had shared earlier. He was fighting with himself. Should be sad that Ludwig was in many ways just as lonely as he was, or happy that he didn't have to share him? The second the latter crossed his mind, he felt awful. After all, Ludwig wasn't his property. The thought of benefiting from his misery made him feel ill.

"I could never be afraid of you now."

"I'm very glad to hear that." Ludwig said. He took a breath and started again. "One thing. You must stop telling me I don't have to stay around. I am not spending time with you out of charity." His voice was firm and demanding acknowledgment.

Feliciano opened his mouth to apologize, but stopped himself. He was so sick of apologizing. "Ok!" He said instead, smiling wide.

"Excellent. Gilbert wants me to help him with something now, so I have to get going." Ludwig said. Feliciano felt a twinge of melancholy.

"Hey, Ludwig? When will I get to meet him?" Feliciano asked.

"You want to meet Gilbert? Well, I suppose you can meet him soon." He said. "I must warn you, he can be a lot to take in."

"That's ok! I totally understand. Lovino can be a bit too serious, I bet you'll get along when you meet him!" Feliciano's mind raced with different possibilities of what Gilbert could be like.

"Alright. I'll see you tomorrow, Feliciano. I look forward to painting soon."

"Yay, me too! Bye!"

Feliciano kept the phone to his ear until Ludwig hung up. For some time he just laid there, breathing in and out. What was this feeling? Just last week, he'd spent every day alone. Now, when Ludwig wasn't there he was overcome by a feeling of emptiness. This was a loneliness that suffocated him. It felt like he was surrounded by cement, or the weight of the world was on top of him. In an attempt shake this off, he retreated back to the kitchen to finish his homework. He had trouble concentrating. All he could think of was his voice.

.

A full month passed, and Feliciano and Ludwig fell into a routine. Each and every day, Ludwig met him by his locker and walked him to each of his classes. They ate lunch together, talking and laughing, Feliciano more so than Ludwig. Feliciano couldn't remember the last time he had this kind of true friendship. The promise of seeing Ludwig got him out of bed each morning.

During the time they spent together, Feliciano noticed that he was beginning to feel something new. He longed to be around Ludwig as much as he could, never wanting to leave his side. His chest leapt when he saw him, his stomach fluttering whenever they spoke. His skin burned whenever they accidently touched, any contact making his entire body warmer in seconds. These feelings confused him deeply. Was this something everyone felt towards his friends? Having no real experience to compare it to, Feliciano couldn't be sure.

On top of all these feelings, for the first time in his life Feliciano frequently found himself at a loss for words. Usually he just said whatever came to mind. When he was with Ludwig, however, he felt the need to carefully choose each of his words. He wanted to impress Ludwig, and whenever he smiled or laughed at something he said Feliciano felt joy like nothing he had ever felt. The cruelty of others was unfortunately still ever-present in his life, although only taking place when Ludwig wasn't around. Even so, the amount of comfort having Ludwig there to support him almost distracted him from it. It was the difference between night and day.

In these few weeks, they spoke about everything. Feliciano told him about the people who have made his life miserable, telling him about the worst of the harassment without even bothering to spare the details. He found himself able to open up to Ludwig like he had never been able to, even when it was with his own brother. He watched as Ludwig's mouth and eyes occasionally twitched as he recounted the events. He never commented on it, only nodded and offered an apology. Ludwig was less willing to talk about his past. Feliciano only got to hear an occasional story, none of them particularly earth shattering.

When Feliciano walked into school one morning, he was elated to find Ludwig by his locker. He was happy and even slightly surprised every day when he found him there. Part of him was still convinced he would simply stop one day. Ludwig was leaning against the locker that day, his hands shoved in his pockets. His eyes were fixed on the floor, unmoving. Feliciano walked up to him and stood in front of him, smiling.

"Hello, Feliciano." Ludwig said, nodding to greet him. "What is your first class today?"

Feliciano paused to think. Then, it dawned on him. He had gym today. His heart sunk like a meteor cascading down to earth. "I have gym." He nearly whispered. He brought his hands together behind his back and clutched them together.

Ludwig stared at him inquisitively. "Is this a problem?"

Feliciano's thoughts were overcome by a sequence of flashbacks. Memories centered around comments about his physique in the locker room, being made a target in a rather aggressive game of dodge ball, or just plain being punched while the teacher turned a blind eye- it all came flooding back. Just last week he'd been shoved against a locker and yelled at, even though he hadn't done a thing.

This class took place twice a week. Simply being himself on a daily basis was hard enough. Having his lack of athleticism on display for his entire class to gawk at only supplied them with ammo. He twiddled his thumbs; unsure whether or not he should tell Ludwig or if he should spare him the details.

"I'm afraid." He finally said.

Ludwig nodded. "I see. This class is another problem for you?"

Feliciano nodded, unable to say anything.

"Isn't there a teacher watching the class?"

Feliciano nodded again, then waved his hand in front of him dismissively. "Don't worry." He said. "How bad could it be?"

"Remember what I mentioned, Feliciano? About standing up for yourself?" Ludwig said, staring directly into his Feliciano's eyes.

He looked up at him and forced a smile. "Right." He said. He then started walking towards the locker room with Ludwig not far behind.

When they got there, Ludwig waved goodbye and headed off to his own class. Feliciano walked in the double doors of the locker room and was met with the unmistakable musky smell. All around him boys swarmed around the cramped space, shouting and smacking each other. They were in various states of undress, and the first thing he noticed was how everyone else in the room seemed to be stronger and larger than him. Keeping his head down, he made his way to his own locker.

No one even looked at him on his way to the locker. He turned the lock to his combination and pulled out his uniform. He moved his hands to the buttons on his shirt before he paused. Feliciano looked around him out of paranoia. He was certain that someone, anyone, would turn up out of nowhere and hurt him just to earn a few laughs. After seeing that everyone around him was occupied, he quickly unbuttoned the shirt and slipped out of it before reaching in front of him for his gym shirt.

"Looking sexy!" Said a voice from somewhere behind him. He felt someone smack him on the back with an open hand, causing Feliciano's entire back to sting. He bit the inside of his cheek and pretended to not hear him. Then, he remembered Ludwig's words. He needed to stand up for himself, that's what he was told.

"Don't…" He muttered as he tugged on his shirt.

The boy turned around and cupped his ear mockingly. "Hm?" He said, sneering at Feliciano.

Then, Feliciano felt something he almost never did. A fire erupted in his gut, his eyes narrowed and a surge of adrenaline surged throughout his entire self. He bolted upright and turned towards the boy. "I said, don't touch me! I don't want you to!" He yelled. His hands tightened into fists without him realizing.

The larger boy's sneer turned into a frown. He broke away from his hoard of laughing friends and stood within a one-foot radius of Feliciano, glaring at him. Feliciano suddenly felt smaller than he already had. He wished he could sink into the floor.

"Why don't you stay in your fucking place?" He slammed his hand onto the locker above Feliciano's head. "Useless wop." With that, he joined his friends again and walked out the locker room doors.

The words stung, but Feliciano was filled with pride. He had done it. He'd stood up for himself. Ludwig would be proud, he was sure of it. With his head held high, he finished changing and walked out the doors. However, his rush of confidence was cut short. He heard someone shout something and turned to face the sound. At that very instant, the same boy pitched a baseball at his face like he was in the World Series. Feliciano was only about ten feet away. He fell with a thud before everything went black.

He woke up in the nurse's office ten minutes later. He had such a headache. He was lying on a cot with a bag of ice perched on this forehead. It took him a moment to mentally recount the events that happened, but when it came back to him he remembered in painful detail. He brought his knees to his chest and closed his eyes. Serves him right, he supposed. Lovino had always told him, don't pick fights you know you cannot win.

Feliciano was used to simply taking the abuse that came to him. He always told himself it would be over soon enough, struggling would only make it worse. Sometimes he would even play along with it, laughing at an insult that was hurled at him like they were close friends or convincing himself it had been an accident when someone shoved him. This sometimes only angered them more, and it certainly didn't get him any closer to having real friends.

He pretended to be asleep for most of the period. When he stood up, his stomach twisted in nausea. He so dizzy he nearly lost his footing. Overcome by sickness, he ran to a nearby trashcan and lost the contents of his stomach. Feliciano was grateful he was alone, but still internally mortified. He lied down again, sucking on a few mints he found in a candy jar by the bed.

A few minutes before the gym classes would let out, he regained he composure and went back to the locker room, proceeding to change out of his uniform as quickly as he could manage. When he finished, he waited by the gym until Ludwig showed up after the bell.

When Ludwig saw him, his eyes said he immediately recognized something was wrong. He simply gawked at him for a moment. "Feliciano?" He said.

"I did it, Ludwig." Feliciano's eyes burned as he fought the urge to cry from the pain; yet he was smiling. "I stood up for myself."

"What are you talking about?" Ludwig asked, staring at him with eyes full of confusion. Then, his eyes wandered to Feliciano's forehead. A deep purple bruise was beginning to show up beneath his fringe that extended all the way to his eyelid.

Ludwig reached out and brushed his hair away. "Are you aware that you're bruised? What happened?"

Feliciano tried to squirm away from his hand. Even though he wanted to feel the comfort from his touch, he didn't want to be fussed over. "It was just a little baseball! Don't worry Ludwig, I wasn't unconscious for that long-"

He cut him off. "Are you telling me you were knocked out? Who did this? Was it on purpose?" He continued to examine the bruise with his hand resting on Feliciano's temple.

"It's okay." Feliciano said. He avoided eye contact at all costs.

"This isn't okay, Feliciano!" He sounded like he should be shouting, but the words came out in a whisper. "Are you nauseous? Dizzy?"

"I mean, a little…my head hurts." He said.

"We're going to the hospital." Ludwig's words were quick and firm.

Feliciano stepped back. He wasn't sure how to react to this, he wasn't sure of anything. He couldn't think of anything worse than going to a hospital right now. "Don't be silly." He said, smiling through his unsteadiness. "It's a little bump!"

Ludwig's eyes flickered. "You may have a concussion. You have to listen to me."

"But, we have class…"

"I will explain the situation to the nurse."

So he did. Ludwig drove him to the hospital, drilling him with questions about his symptoms the entire time. He answered his questions feebly as he rested his head against the cool glass of the window, watching the world go by. He couldn't decide if he was in more pain mentally or physically.

Feliciano could barely keep his eyes open. His head throbbed like nothing he had ever felt, his stomach was twisted into a million knots. It felt like he was lost in a fog and unable to concentrate or think clearly. All he wanted was to take a nap. The urge to sleep was overwhelming.

"I'm tired." He whimpered a few minutes into the trip. "Can I take a little _siesta_?"

"I'm going to ask that you do not do that."

Feliciano let out a small sigh and rested his pounding head against the glass again. Sleep sounded more inviting than it ever had.

Ludwig's eyes scanned Feliciano. The corners of his mouth twitched into a frown. "Tell me a story." He said. He reverted his eyes back to the road.

"A story?" Feliciano stared back at him with drooping eyes. He finally smiled. Ludwig wanted to get to know him better. The joy from that thought gave him a little burst of energy, enough to pump him up to think of something to say. The first thing that came to mind was his childhood, the happiest time of his life he could remember.

"When I was very little, my Grandpa Roma taught me to draw. That's what I did in Italy! I drew and I sang all day in the fields." Feliciano tilted his head back, reminiscing. "I had one friend back then, he wasn't from there. We were together almost every day! Once we even got to go swimming in the river! But one day he had to move away." His voice dipped as he remembered the crushing goodbye. "I never saw him again. Sometimes I wonder what he's doing."

Ludwig clutched the wheel tighter. "I'm sure he remembers you."

Feliciano hoped that was true. His memories of the boy were fleeting, growing more and more distant as the time passed. He feared that one day he would forget about him entirely. He wouldn't be surprised if the boy had already forgotten about him. Even if this was true, he missed him. Feliciano often caught himself wishing the boy would return, even rooting through the mail in hopes of finding a letter no matter how unlikely it was. Evidently, he never found anything. Feliciano didn't have much time to consider this. Right after Ludwig finished his statement, he pulled into the hospital parking lot.

The giant building loomed in front of them, casting a shadow on the parking lot in the late morning sun. Feliciano glanced around, taking in the ambulance entrance, the rows of windows on the walls and people bustling in and out of the revolving doors.

After surveying the surroundings, he felt dizzier than before. The thoughts about his childhood friend ran from his mind. All he could think of was all the people that had met their ends in this building and all the tears shed by family members. When they exited the car, he grabbed Ludwig's sleeve to steady himself. Not a moment later he found he didn't want to let go.

"Is something wrong?" Ludwig asked.

"I don't like hospitals." Feliciano gripped his sleeve tighter as he was growing dizzier by the second. His heartbeat sped up and his hands were clammy. His eyes were fixed on his own shoes, avoiding looking at the large building at all costs.

"You will be fine. This is a common injury." Ludwig said. Unconvinced, Feliciano didn't let go. "But you may hold onto me if you're more comfortable." He continued.

Feliciano was frozen in place, powerless to do or say anything. Ludwig wavered for a moment then took Feliciano's small hand in his own. Feliciano nearly jumped. His rough hand felt familiar, like he'd known him all his life. Ludwig didn't look back at him. He simply led the injured boy behind him like a lost puppy, their hands locked together. Feliciano felt dizzy again, but this was a different kind of dizzy. This was the kind that sent a blush across his cheeks.

When they entered the doors to the waiting room, the hospital smell was instantly apparent. It was the unmistakable odor of cleaning chemicals and medicine that caused Feliciano's head to spin. His vertigo increased dramatically and he felt as if the very walls were closing in on him. He couldn't breath, he couldn't think. He gripped Ludwig's hand tighter and moved closer to him to steady himself. Ludwig led him up to the front desk, still without releasing his hand.

"My friend may have a concussion." He said to the nurse. "Tell her what happened, Feliciano."

He lifted his head groggily. "I was in gym and someone hit me with a baseball. I was knocked out for a few minutes." Said Feliciano, avoiding eye contact at all costs.

The young woman nodded, typing something into the computer in front of her. "Alright, sweetie. I'm Miss Héderváry." Her voice was soft and comforting. She had an accent that Feliciano couldn't quite put his finger on. She reached out and shook Feliciano's free hand. He reciprocated, weakly. "Let's get you in a room. However, your friend will have to stay here."

Feliciano bit down on his lip and reluctantly let go of Ludwig's hand. He missed the feeling right away, a feeling of vulnerability taking its place. As the nurse led him away, he looked back at Ludwig. He nodded to him, still standing in the middle of the room. Feliciano kept his eyes locked on him until he was too far away to see. He eventually ended up in a very sterile looking room, complete with a bed and sink.

Miss Héderváry ushered for him to sit down. "That's quite a bruise you've got there." She said as she moved his hair to the side. "So, do you have any feelings of dizziness? How about nausea or confusion?"

Her questions were identical to the ones Ludwig had already asked. He started to wonder if this trip really was necessary. "Yes, I am kind of dizzy. My head hurts…so does my stomach really." He wrapped his arms around his torso, not to prove his point but out of reflex.

She jotted down a few notes on her clipboard, nodded, and reached for a flashlight. Without warning she shined it into his eyes. Feliciano recoiled.

"Just checking your pupils, dear. I'm going to need you to keep your eyes open."

Reluctantly, he opened his eyes and allowed the intrusive light to flood his vision.

"Hm, it seems as though we're not getting as much dilation as we would like. Your friend was right; you appear to have a slight concussion. The good news is that your symptoms aren't severe, which suggests this is only minor." She said.

Feliciano clasped his hands together. "Is that bad?" He began to fidget with his feet. He didn't know much about concussions, but he did know that it was a brain injury. That alone was enough to scare him.

She looked at him sympathetically. "No, this isn't serious at all. All it means is that you need to rest for a few days. One thing you'll need to do is have someone wake you up every two hours tonight, just in case. Why don't you ask that blonde boy to help you?"

Ludwig. These last few weeks, it always came back to Ludwig. Even though he'd helped Feliciano out of bad situations before, he still wasn't certain how far he was willing to go for him. He couldn't imagine that his newly found friend would go as far as to sacrifice his sleep. Feliciano stared back at the nurse. What would happen if he didn't have anyone to wake him up? He could set an alarm, but he did have a habit of sleeping through them at times.

She handed him a piece of paper marked "Concussion aftercare" at the top of the page. Feliciano skimmed through it. The treatment seemed simple enough. Avoid driving or riding a bike for twenty-four hours, get plenty of rest, and avoid strenuous activity as well as alcohol. He got to the section explaining the need for being woken up and froze.

"I could go into a coma?" He stammered; eyes glued to the page.

"That generally only happens in severe cases. But, it is important that you are woken up every two to three hours. Please remember that, ok?" She said, reiterating her previous point. He only nodded, and his hand holding the paper began to shake.

She stood up. "Alright, we're done. This checkup won't be costing you anything, so you and your friend are free to go."

Feliciano stood up and walked carefully back to the waiting room. Ludwig was sitting on a chair, seemingly occupying his time by staring at the wall in front of him. He sat the way he did when he was at Feliciano's house, back perfectly straight with his fists resting on his knees. When he saw Feliciano, he stood up instantaneously.

"Take care!" Miss Héderváry called before once again disappearing down the hallway.

"Is everything alright?" Ludwig asked. "What did they say?"

"Oh, nothing…" He said. He folded the paper he was holding.

Without warning, Ludwig took the paper from him, unfolded it, and began to read. After just a moment, he sighed. "Just as I thought."

He couldn't hold it back anymore. Feliciano ran forward and threw his arms around Ludwig, pressing his head into his chest. It surprised him when he instantly felt just a little bit better. Ludwig took a step back but made no effort to break away.

"I'm so sorry, Ludwig!" He cried. "I didn't mean to get hurt, I promise! I'm sorry you had to take me to this scary hospital! I don't want to go into a coma, I really need your help to wake up tonight but I can't ask you to do so much and-"

Ludwig cut him off. "Why on earth would you be sorry that someone else injured you? This isn't your fault, Feliciano."

Feliciano looked up at him, winding back his excitement. He hadn't expected him to be so understanding. "Really?" He managed.

"Of course." He looked at the paper he had taken from him again. "It looks like I'll be staying with you this evening."

Feliciano's heart leapt, but he felt a twinge of guilt. "But you need to sleep."

He shook his head. "There's no arguing this. There is no shame in needing help."

Feliciano managed to smile. He squeezed his torso once, and Ludwig patted his shoulder three times before he let go. In silence, they retreated back to the car. When they were on the road, Feliciano remembered something.

"Can we paint today?" He asked, looking at his friend with his eyes wide. They had never gotten around to it.

"Well…if you are still up for it, yes. I suppose this day is as good as any other." Feliciano was so happy he had to resist the urge to cheer. Finally, he kept his promise! If he looked closely, he swore he could see the slightest trace of a grin on Ludwig's lips.

Having been daydreaming for the majority of the trip, he was surprised when Ludwig pulled up by an unfamiliar house.

"I have to get a few things. Wait here."

Feliciano realized that this was his house. "Wait, Ludwig?" He said. Ludwig turned to face him. "Is you brother home? Can I meet him?" He asked, smiling wide.

Ludwig hesitated before replying. "Let's save that for a time when you are feeling better, yes?"

His face fell. Feliciano nodded reluctantly. He was making sense, but he couldn't stop himself from feeling disappointment.

"I promise it will be soon." Ludwig said. With that, he exited the car and made his way into the house.

Feliciano pressed his face against the glass as he watched him walk into house, as if he were a puppy on a road trip. Ludwig's house looked cozy, at least from what he could see from the outside. It wasn't huge, but it wasn't small either. The house was made out of red bricks. There were a few plants bordering the outside, and a birdhouse hung from one of the trees scattered throughout the yard. He couldn't help but smile when he noticed a German flag hanging proudly by the door.

Ludwig returned about ten minutes later with a duffel bag. After throwing it in the back, he returned to the driver's seat. "Ready?" He asked as he buckled his seatbelt.

Feliciano nodded. "Are you going to stay with me all day?" He asked.

"And all night, to wake you." He said. "Unless I am not welcome."

"Of course you are!" He exclaimed. Feliciano couldn't imagine anything he would like better. Despite the unfortunate circumstances, he yearned to have time with Ludwig outside of school. Ever since Ludwig's first visit to his house, it was all Feliciano could think about.

"Will Gilbert be okay all alone?" He continued.

Ludwig chuckled. "I'm sure he will find a way to entertain himself."

Even though he was dizzy and saddled with both a headache and a stomachache, Feliciano smiled the entire way home.

* * *

_To be continued..._


	6. Chapter 6

When they arrived back at Feliciano's house, Ludwig placed his bag by the door and began to fuss over him. "You need to lay down." He said; pointing to the couch they had sat on the other day.

Before he had said that, Feliciano had completely forgot about his diagnoses. He was hit with a sudden wave of fear. "Ludwig, what's going to happen to me?" He asked, retreating to the couch with his friend not far behind.

"Stop worrying, you will be fine." He sat on the opposite end of the sofa. "I personally have had a concussion. Look at me, I am healthy." He said. He gestured to himself.

Feliciano was intrigued. "How did you get a concussion?"

Ludwig shook his head. "I would rather not discuss that. The point is, you will recover."

Satisfied with the answer, Feliciano lied down and curled his knees up to his chest. He closed his eyes, but soon opened them when he felt a blanket being draped over him. He looked up and saw Ludwig standing over him, adjusting the blanket so it covered his feet. Feliciano's cheeks flushed. No one had done that for him besides his grandfather, and that was when he was very young.

"Rest." He said. "I'm going to do some homework. Call if you need anything."

Feliciano grabbed the bottom of his shirt before he could leave. "When are we going to paint?"

Ludwig froze in place. "Later. I promise." He said slowly, deliberately. He left the room without another word.

Feliciano allowed himself to close his eyes. It was only a little after noon, but it already felt like an excruciatingly long day. Making sure to stay quiet, he listened in to what Ludwig was doing in the other room. He wasn't used to someone being in his house anymore. He heard papers being rustled, a chair being moved and a clatter of footsteps. It reminded him of when Lovino lived there; his last year at the house spent furiously filling out college applications and studying for entrance exams. Most of the time Feliciano tried to talk to him after a particularly bad day at school, he was pushed away because of his brother's busyness.

Feliciano listened to the white noise until he felt more comfortable with its presence. Eventually, he was able to fall asleep. He slept dreamlessly, like a television stuck on a static channel. He woke when he felt himself being jostled.

"Feliciano! Wake up!" The voice called.

He opened his eyes, confused when he saw Ludwig. For a moment, he didn't know where he was. He spoke after he recognized his living room. "How long was I asleep?" He asked, rubbing his eyes.

"Four hours." Ludwig said, seeming panicked. "I forgot to check on you. Are you alright?"

Feliciano had a lot of trouble believing he had slept for four hours. He could have sworn he had only rested his eyes for a couple of minutes. Even though he had gone over the recommended two hours, he felt okay besides his persistent headache.

"I'm fine." He said, sitting up.

Ludwig handed him a bottle of water Feliciano had not noticed he was holding until then. "Alright." He said, sitting beside him. "I suppose I overreacted."

If that was what he considered overreacting, Feliciano had to wonder what he considered to be underreacting. More than that, he wondered how he dealt with his flamboyant displays of his own feelings.

"Let's paint now!" He said, tossing his blanket to the side. He was beginning to feel like a parrot that could only say that one thing.

Ludwig looked away. "You should probably get some more rest."

"I've been resting forever!" He protested. After saying this, he began to study Ludwig. He was surprised to see that his cheeks housed the faintest trace of pink. Then, he realized what was going on. The same way Feliciano was nervous to lift weights, his friend was nervous to paint. He squeezed his arm, letting his hand loiter. An electric surge unlike anything he had ever felt went through his hand. He pulled away, confused by the sensation.

He continued after he pushed the feeling to the back of his mind. "Just try it?" He asked, his eyes pleading.

Ludwig hesitated. "I suppose it couldn't hurt."

"Yay!" Filled with excitement, Feliciano forgot about the odd sensation, took Ludwig by the hand and led him to the basement. He handed him a paintbrush, and Ludwig studied it like he'd never seen one before. When Feliciano set up the paint, he continued to sit there looking lost.

"What am I supposed to do?" He said finally.

"Putting paint on the brush would be a good start." Feliciano said, smiling.

"Which color?"

"Whichever you'd like!"

After staring intently at the paint, Ludwig dipped his brush into the blue. He glanced up at Feliciano as if he was waiting for his approval. "What do I paint?"

Feliciano started giggling. "I think you're overthinking it. Art isn't about formulas or having the right form. You get to do anything you want!" He dipped his own brush into the green and began to paint blades of grass rather sporadically. "See? I'm not even thinking about it!"

Ludwig, with a very concentrated look on his face, slowly brought the brush down and began to move it horizontally. He worked using controlled strokes, seemingly contemplating every move before he made it. Feliciano gazed at the paper and came to the conclusion that he was going for a sky.

"Good!" He said, continuing to work on his own piece. Then, he allowed himself to get lost in his own work. He didn't stop for about twenty minutes. When he finally paused, he looked at his own painting first. He had ended up with somewhat of a generic landscape, complete with a field of grass in the foreground and a lake in the background.

He looked at Ludwig's painting, and it took all he had to keep for giggling. It looked like an art project made by a grade-schooler. He had painted a completely blue sky with a solid green area of grass below it. On the side was a tree, a simple brown line with thick branches and spotty leaves. The piece was completed with a yellow sun in the corner and black silhouettes of what were supposed to be birds. Feliciano felt a rush of guilt for being judgmental, but that feeling was soon replaced by a sense of endearment. He felt conceited for thinking this, but Feliciano thought his attempt was adorable.

When Ludwig noticed he was looking, his cheeks turned a deep scarlet in seconds. "I told you, I can't paint." He muttered, putting the brush down.

Feliciano felt a pang of endearment. "Don't say that, Ludwig! Come on, this is good!"

Ludwig flipped over his paper so neither of them could look any more. "Please, do not patronize me." His ears were also red, and he had begun to run his hand repeatedly through his hair.

Feliciano began to feel guilty. The last thing he had wanted to do was upset or embarrass him, he had only wanted to share his hobby with him. "Ludwig…" he started. Then, without thinking, he dipped his brush into the red paint and dabbed it on his friend's nose.

"Feliciano? What are you doing?"

"Look! You're Rudolph!" He giggled, unable to contain himself. Ludwig attempted to look at his own nose, which only left him cross-eyed. This prompted Feliciano to laugh even harder.

Ludwig visibly realized how ridiculous he looked and smirked. "Well, if you want to have it that way." He then picked his brush up again, dipped it in the black and drew three lines on each of his friend's cheeks. "You are a cat."

Feliciano dipped his brush in the paint again and dotted Ludwig's cheeks with freckles, smiling like a fool. Ludwig's stoic expression was still there, but he could see a trace of a grin on his lips. Seeing him like his, letting his guard down- it was simply, amazing.

One thing led to another, and five minutes later they were both covered in paint. Feliciano was laughing like there was no tomorrow, while Ludwig only uttered the occasional chuckle. Even though it hadn't lasted long, Feliciano hadn't felt this kind of childish whimsy in years. If anything, the smaller boy was amazed that his friend had gone along with it. In the midst of his giggling, he felt a need to hold onto this moment forever.

"Hold on, Ludwig!" He exclaimed. He ran upstairs and returned moments later with an old camera. "Smile!" He said as soon as he sat down again. Without any warning, he grinned from ear to ear as he extended his arm in front of them and took the picture.

This took Ludwig off-guard. "Feli-" But he couldn't finish his thought, the damage had already been done. The photo shot out of the bottom, and Feliciano brought it down and held it between them, allowing the pair to look.

They gave off an appearance of rags that one would use to wipe off their brush, only personified. Feliciano was smiling wide, his honey-colored eyes glistening in the flash. The original cat whiskers Ludwig has painted showed through all the other colors. Ludwig's mouth was partially open, having been in the middle of speaking. Even so, it somehow looked intentional. His blue eyes still met the camera.

After gazing at the photo, Feliciano looked at Ludwig. "You have paint on your lip! You don't want to accidentally eat that." He giggled, bringing his thumb his mouth.

He was surprised when Ludwig shot backwards. "I will get it." He said. He furiously rubbed his lip. Even through the multitude of colors splattered across his cheeks, Feliciano swore he saw them turn red again.

After going back upstairs and cleaning the paint off their faces, Ludwig realized the time and looked towards the kitchen. "Go rest. I will make dinner."

Feliciano ignored his instructions. "I want to help!"

"You have a head injury, don't you think you should lie down?" Ludwig said, crossing his arms.

"Cooking is resting!"

In the end, Feliciano won the battle. He even convinced Ludwig to let him make pasta, despite his lecturing about proper nutrition and the food pyramid. Feliciano took over, bustling around the kitchen like a professional while Ludwig could only watch in awe. Once he finished, they sat facing each other at the dining room table.

Feliciano looked down at his plate. Usually he ate his meals in solitude, either watching something on the old television set or doing schoolwork. Still, the silence ate at him. The sound of forks against plates filled the air, and the more he thought about it the more deafening the mundane sounds became. Becoming uncomfortable, he tapped his fork against his plate.

"You are alone here every day?" Ludwig said suddenly, breaking the silence into a million pieces.

Feliciano shrugged. "It's something you get used to."

Ludwig sighed and put down his fork. "I know what it's like. I never got used to it."

Feliciano looked up at him, his interest peaked. "What do you mean?"

"I spent the majority of my childhood in Germany. Gilbert was always out getting himself into trouble, so I was left to my own devices." He said.

"What about your parents?"

"My father is an engineer, always absorbed in his work. He was never the most affectionate one. I always tried to impress him, but it never seemed to work…" Ludwig shook his head. "As for my mother, she fell ill when I was very small. She passed awhile back."

Feliciano looked at him blankly as the words sunk in. The thought of Ludwig as a child alone all day in a house to fend for himself filled him with sadness. But the fact that he had lost his mother hit him like a ton of bricks. Feliciano was suddenly overwhelmed by grief for someone he had never met. He had never got to grieve for his mother. She had died during his birth. The only means he had of knowing what she was like was the occasional story from Grandpa Roma, which felt like fairy tales more than real stories. Not having a mother had been hard for him; the last thing he wanted was for Ludwig to go through the same thing.

"I'm so sorry, Ludwig." His voice shook beyond his control. "I'm sure she was wonderful…" Unable to continue, he allowed tears to run down his cheeks and fall into his lap.

"I've made peace with the situation, Feliciano," said Ludwig. "You don't need to feel bad for me."

"I know, I know, it's just…" Feliciano imagined losing his Grandpa. It was the worst thing he could ever imagine, and Ludwig had lived through something similar. No matter how bad it might be, he wished he could take all that pain from him and put it on himself. He continued to cry, his shoulders beginning to quiver.

He looked up when he saw Ludwig suddenly next to him. His chair sat unattended, pushed aside haphazardly. In an instant, Ludwig had his arms wrapped around him. Feliciano, still sitting, slowly brought his arms up and returned the embrace, hiding his teary eyes in Ludwig's shoulder. What was it about Ludwig? He seemed so unsure of himself, yet he always knew exactly what to do. Feliciano was surprised when his stomach leapt when they touched. The room felt warmer and his vision grew fuzzy.

"I think you should go to bed." Ludwig said, his hand resting in Feliciano's hair. Feliciano nodded. For once, he wasn't in the mood to eat anymore.

They cleaned up the kitchen, retreated to the upstairs and got into their nightclothes. Feliciano managed to dry his eyes, and soon felt guilty that he put Ludwig in the bizarre situation of comforting _him _about the death of his own mother.

He walked to his room and was surprised to see him simply standing by the door. "Ludwig, we do have a guest room. Don't you want to sleep?" He asked.

Ludwig shrugged. "Have you forgotten why I'm here? I have to stay up in order to wake you."

Feliciano's eyes widened. "You're going to stay up all night?"

Ludwig only nodded, seeming content in his decision. "I don't want to risk an alarm not going off."

Feliciano looked to him, amazed by his undying generosity. He walked into his room, tossed the covers aside and got under the cool blankets. The aching loneliness returned, even though his friend was barely outside the door. The darkness outside his window suddenly felt more intimidating, haunting him like a ghost. He had always had troubles coping with the dark, especially when he was alone. Ludwig looked so familiar, so comforting in his casual sweatpants and a t-shirt, and he was overcome by an aching urge to keep him close. When his friend began to walk away presumably to go downstairs, he called out to him.

"Can you stay?" He asked.

Ludwig stopped dead in his tracks and turned around. "What do you mean?"

Feliciano hesitated, unsure if he could ask him to do what he was thinking. But the darkness loomed over him and having Ludwig there was better than having a teddy bear. He took a deep breath and continued. "Can you sit with me for a little bit?" He asked, twiddling his thumbs.

"Yes." Ludwig responded surprisingly fast. He looked away. "I mean; it would probably be wise to watch you."

He walked back to his room and sat down on his bed, just past where Feliciano's feet ended. He glanced around the room, outwardly unsure of what to do. "You just want me to sit here?" He asked.

"You can lay down if you want." After realizing what he let slip, Feliciano's ears began to burn. To his surprise, delight and utter shock, Ludwig did lay down. The bed wasn't small, so there was plenty of room for the two to lay down with a comfortable amount of space between them. Still, he could almost feel his body heat being in such a close proximity. He felt comfortable, safe, like nothing could harm him ever again. Waves of different emotions were washing over him in a way unlike anything he'd ever felt before. If anything, Feliciano was suddenly extremely aware that he had someone in his bed with him. This shouldn't be a big event; it wasn't like he had never shared a bed with his brother before. Still, something about this was very, very different.

"Is this ok?" Ludwig asked, his voice uncertain. "Are you more comfortable now?"

Feliciano smiled and took a deep breath. "Yes. Thank you." He flipped over to face Ludwig, who was lying over the covers. He was resting his head in his hand, propping himself up on his elbow. Still, he wished to be closer. Suddenly he realized he wanted to be held, like a child after a nightmare. He immediately tried to push the bizarre thoughts from his mind.

"I will stay until you fall asleep." Even though he said this with absolute confidence, Ludwig looked like he was already having trouble keeping his eyes open.

Feliciano nodded and closed his eyes, too tired to feel nervous. Although, even if he was wide-awake he doubted he would feel the same uncertainty he did the first time they had spoken. It had only been a few weeks, and his shyness towards Ludwig was slowly beginning to dissipate. His presence felt familiar, comfortable. He fell asleep while breathing in the lingering scent of his cologne, his entire body feeling warm.

Ludwig kept his promise. Feliciano had gone to bed at nine, and at eleven o'clock on the dot he awoke to Ludwig gently nudging him awake. Part of him was disappointed that he hadn't fallen asleep next to him, but he hadn't expected it anyways. He had a bit more trouble getting back to sleep, but it helped that his friend sat on the edge of the bed for a few minutes before disappearing again. The process was repeated at one am and again at three.

Every time he was woken up, Feliciano thought he was dreaming. It was so surreal to see Ludwig, his hair loose and a worried expression on his face, gently waking him up with a soft voice. He didn't want to fall asleep again, he wanted to say up with Ludwig, talking and laughing. He wanted to be closer to him, the urge bordering on overpowering. A soft pain resided in his stomach, keeping him awake for just a few more minutes than it should. He was so confused, having no clue what to make of these feelings, let alone what he was supposed to do with them. His drowsiness eventually won out every time and forced him into reluctant sleep.

At six, Feliciano woke up by himself. The morning sunlight poured through the window and the birds were chirping, signaling that the morning had come. He opened his eyes, still slightly groggy from all the disruptions the previous night. He was about the get out of bed when he felt a weight in his lap. He looked down and nearly gasped when he saw that the weight was in fact Ludwig's head in his lap, his eyes closed in slumber.

Ludwig was in an uncomfortable looking position. He seemed to have been sitting on the edge of the bed when he fell asleep, falling sideways not long after. His feet were still partially on the ground while his upper body was curved. He looked so vulnerable. His usual perfectly slicked back hair was loose and falling around his face. He was still asleep with his lips partially parted.

Feliciano gazed upon this sight, amazed. He went back on his decision to get up and suddenly felt guilty. Ludwig had stayed up solely for his benefit and had ended up collapsing with exhaustion. At the same time, however, the very sight was amazing. The last thing he wanted to do now was wake him up.

Soon, he wanted more than just to look. The more he looked at him, the more he wanted to reach out and touch Ludwig. He was like an exhibit at a museum, laying a hand on him felt taboo and forbidden. Still, Feliciano wanted to play with his blonde hair, to run his hands through it. The more he thought about it, the more unbearable the urge became.

With a trembling hand, he placed his hand on Ludwig's head as lightly as he could manage. When he showed no signs of waking up, Feliciano began to pet his hair. He was surprised by how soft it was, like a kitten. He smiled down at him. For once, it felt like he was doing the protecting instead of being protected.

Feliciano's brief moment of tranquility was cut short when Ludwig suddenly opened his eyes. He pulled his hand back with incredible speed, hoping he hadn't noticed what he was doing.

"_Verdammt_, I fell asleep." He grumbled, rubbing his eyes. When he realized his position, he shot upright in an instant. "Go back to sleep, Feliciano." He said, standing up groggily.

"We have school!" Feliciano said, beginning to sit up himself.

Ludwig shook his head. "_I _have school. You need to stay here today."

Feliciano frowned. He would have jumped for joy any other day he had an excuse to skip school, but now it served as an excuse to see his friend. "But I feel better." He protested. "Plus Lovino isn't here to call me in."

"You may feel better, but it's not recommended you do school work for at least another day or two. I'll have Gilbert call." He said.

"Gilbert isn't related to me, is that allowed?"

He shrugged. "I doubt they will check. I have to get ready now."

Feliciano lunged forward and grabbed his arm. "I wanted to thank you." He said suddenly. "You must be exhausted, and you did it all for me."

Ludwig almost smiled. "I wouldn't abandon you in your time of need."

Feliciano smiled, but remembered he had a question to ask. "After school, are you coming back here?"

He looked at him inquisitively. "I was planning to come gather my things, but I wasn't planning to stay. Why, is there something you need me for?"

Feliciano's heart sunk, but at the same time he felt silly. If he had his way, he would stay with him forever. But his wish wasn't realistic. Of course Ludwig wasn't going to stay, why would he? He had stayed to make sure he was okay and that was it.

"Yes, of course! That's what I was thinking." He said. He covered his hurt feelings with laughter.

Ludwig didn't look so sure. "Are you sure you'll be okay without me?" He asked, resting a hand on Feliciano's shoulder. The contact flooded Feliciano with a sense of comfort, only strengthening his wish that Ludwig would stay.

_No. _He thought, but he stopped himself. Even though his heart was telling him otherwise, there was no logical reason why Ludwig should have to stay. "I'm sure."

Ludwig nodded and left the room to prepare himself for school. Feliciano pulled the covers back on himself. He didn't want to get up now, what would he do? Sleep seemed like an easy way to kill time.

About ten minutes later when he was getting ready to close his eyes again, Ludwig walked back into the room. He knocked on the open door to alert him, and Feliciano sat up. Ludwig was dressed in his school uniform again, his bag slung over his shoulders.

"I will be leaving now." He said. "If you need anything, please contact me."

"Got it."

"Do you remember the doctor's orders? Get plenty of rest, and make sure to eat well. You really should eat something besides all that pasta. If you start to feel sick, you need to tell me so I can take you back to the hospital. Be very careful, don't-"

Feliciano cut him off, giggling. "I know, Ludwig! Don't worry so much!" Ludwig was so protective; he couldn't help but be amused. At the same time, he was glad that he had someone in his life now that cared about him enough to be protective.

Before he left, he looked Feliciano straight in the eyes. "Have you informed your brother and grandfather what happened?" He asked.

Feliciano's stomach dropped. He hadn't even considered telling Lovino, and he hadn't even spoken to his grandfather in many weeks. "No. I wasn't going to, really."

Ludwig looked at him as if he had grown a second head. "They are your family, would you really keep something like this from them?"

"I…" He stammered, unable to find the correct words to explain himself.

Ludwig visibly recognized his struggle and shrugged. "I suppose it is your choice to make. I won't intervene into your family business."

He checked his watch. By the look on his face, it was easy to infer that he was going to be late soon. He glanced back at Feliciano, who was still staring at him intently. When he noticed him looking he turned away, trying to pretend he hadn't been looking. Then, in one glorious moment, Ludwig extended his hand and ruffled Feliciano's hair. He did it awkwardly and stiffly, but the sentiment was still there, lingering between them.

"By the way, Feliciano" he said, "you didn't have to stop."

Realizing what he was referring to, Feliciano's cheeks lit on fire. So he had noticed. He pulled the covers over his head in embarrassment, muttering a series of apologies. Ludwig laughed in that deep voice of his for a brief moment, filling the room with what was music to Feliciano's ears.

"Your hair is soft like a kitten." Feliciano muttered.

"You're something special." Ludwig said, his laughter dying down.

Feliciano was humiliated. Questions whirred through his mind. What exactly did special mean? Was that a compliment? Was he laughing _at _him or _with _him? Then again, Feliciano wasn't laughing.

"It's amazing, how my life has changed…" Ludwig seemed as though he was thinking out loud, like he hadn't meant to vocalize what he was saying. "I'll see you this afternoon." He said quickly. Within thirty seconds, he was out the door.

The embarrassment disappeared in the blink of an eye. Still bright red, Feliciano felt tears well up in his eyes again. But these were not tears of sadness or pain. His life has changed so much in this short time, and he wouldn't change a thing.

* * *

_To be continued..._


	7. Chapter 7

Feliciano couldn't sleep. Ludwig had left two hours ago and he was still curled up in bed, eyes wide open. He still had a headache, but he wasn't as dizzy. He also had stomach pains, but somehow he knew it wasn't related to his concussion. He didn't feel nauseous; it was a feeling of…longing. Feliciano wasn't sure exactly what he was feeling, something that was becoming a common occurrence. Whatever he felt then was something new, and he had never been so confused.

All he knew was he wanted Ludwig to come back. He wanted to feel the touch of his hand, to hear the sound of his voice. He would be happy just to know he was close.

Feliciano shook his head as if to shake the thoughts from his mind. This wasn't acceptable. Deep down, he felt that Ludwig wouldn't be here, with him, for much longer. After all, wouldn't any decent person stop someone from being attacked, get them out of a locker or take them to the hospital when they got a concussion?

_But he keeps coming back… _Feliciano shook his head again. He simply couldn't afford to get attached. It never ended well for him the past. He thought back to the boy from his childhood. Feliciano had allowed himself to get attached to him in the short time that they spent together, so attached he might as well have been family. When he left, Feliciano felt as though the earth had shattered around him. His heart had been ripped from his chest, filling him with an overwhelming grief no child should have to feel. He cursed the universe, he cursed God, and he cursed himself for allowing it to happen. To this day, Feliciano wasn't over it. The last thing he needed was another broken friendship to grieve.

Then, he was struck with inspiration. He certainly couldn't tell Ludwig about his feelings and he definitely wouldn't tell Lovino, so why not write it all down? He leapt out of bed and began searching his room for a notebook. He eventually found an old elementary school one; ripped out the few notes he had in it and started writing, not stopping to think about what he was putting down.

_Dear Journal,_ he wrote.

_A couple of weeks ago, I met an amazing person. His name is Ludwig. He's from Germany. He's really strong, and has blonde hair and the bluest eyes I've ever seen. We met when I was being beat up, and he saved me. He managed to get a bunch of people away from me, and he even bandaged me up and drove me home. Since then, he's saved me again and again. Even though it's only been a short time, I can't imagine life without him. But, I don't know what to feel anymore. I'm worried he's only here to protect me and he's going to leave. Whenever he's away, I feel sick-_

Feliciano threw the notebook under his bed. He'd done this to sort out his feelings, and this had successfully accomplished the opposite. How embarrassing. He felt like a middle-school girl writing a love letter. Having given up on sorting out his feelings, he settled on ignoring them and crawled back into bed. He drifted in and out of sleep throughout the day. It seemed like sleep was the only time he wasn't thinking of Ludwig, provided his image wasn't intruding on his dreams.

He woke up only when he heard a knock at the door, then barreled down the stairs like his life depended on it. When he saw Ludwig standing there, his blue eyes looking back at him, all the inexplicable new feelings he spent the entire day trying to suppress came flooding back.  
"Is everything okay, Feliciano? Are you feeling better?" He asked as he walked into the house.

"I'm fine!" Feliciano said, and then realized how eager he sounded.

He nodded. "Good. I'll be getting my belongings then." Ludwig set his bag by the door and headed upstairs. Feliciano couldn't stop himself from following him.

"Was school okay?" He asked.

Ludwig didn't turn around. "It was…fine."

Feliciano frowned. He seemed different somehow, distant. "Are you sure? You don't sound fine. You sound upset! I really hope you aren't upset." He was rambling, but at least it filled the silence.

Ludwig paused. "It was a bit lonely, that's all."

Feliciano felt butterflies in his stomach. Ludwig had missed him- the thought made his pulse accelerate. This wasn't helping his confusion at all. "It was lonely here too." He said.

A deep silence fell between them as Ludwig gathered up his few things. The silence was maddening, like there were a million unspoken words hanging in the air. Feliciano felt the urge to say something, anything, but no words came to him. There was something that needed to be said, he was sure of it.

"Feliciano, I would like you to visit this weekend." Ludwig said suddenly.

Feliciano's jaw nearly dropped. "You mean I get to see your house and meet your brother?" He asked, resisting the urge to bounce with excitement like a small child.

"Well, yes, but that isn't the point. I have something to show you."

Feliciano's mind raced with possibilities. "What do you want to show me?"

"You'll see. How about I pick you up on Sunday?"

He nodded eagerly. Tomorrow was Friday, so it was only two days away. He could wait two days. He wouldn't be happy about it, but it was doable all the same.

"It would be a good idea for you to stay home tomorrow as well." Ludwig continued.

Feliciano's heart sunk. He didn't want to stay home again; he didn't want to be alone with his thoughts like he was today. He was certain he would drive himself crazy. "I feel fine!" He protested.

"Well, if you are sure." Ludwig said. He paused before continuing. "I wouldn't complain."

Feliciano smiled. "I'll see you tomorrow then!"

When Ludwig reached forward and placed his hand on Feliciano's cheek, he swore the rest of the world melted away. "Are you sure you'll be alright?"

Feliciano's heartbeat was so fast he could feel it in his entire chest. The area of his cheek that he touched felt as though it was coursing with electricity. He didn't want this moment to end. Quivering, he brought his own hand up to Ludwig's. He nodded, eyes glued to him. He wanted to do something, something…but he couldn't think of what he wanted. Arms trembling, Feliciano slowly hugged Ludwig before he left, as it had become a ritual. Still, he felt like he was missing something.

"Goodbye, Feliciano. Take care of yourself." He said, breaking away from the embrace. His arms lingered around him Feliciano's torso for just a second too long before he finally dropped his hands. Feliciano only nodded again, all of his words having left him. At that moment he knew only two things. One, he couldn't avoid becoming attached because he already was. Two, it was becoming painful.

Friday was uneventful. Ludwig walked Feliciano to his classes and sat with him at lunch, his presence guarding him from harassment. It was almost too normal, like flurry of events during the previous two days hadn't happened. Feliciano's feelings ate away at him, crashing into him like a truck whenever he so much as glanced into his blue eyes. It was the elephant in the room, resting squarely on his shoulders. Ludwig seemed distant, distracted, even more so than usual. Despite Feliciano's interrogations, he refused to admit that anything was wrong.

On Saturday, Feliciano was just waking up when Ludwig called. He picked up on the first ring. "Hello!" He exclaimed. "I mean, hi. What's wrong? I mean why- why are you calling?"

"I was just confirming that you are still coming tomorrow," said Ludwig. No greeting, just that statement.

"Of course I'm coming, Ludwig! Why wouldn't I?"

"I don't know. I was a bit nervous, I suppose." Ludwig quickly stopped himself. "I apologize for bothering you."

"You could never bother me," said Feliciano. "Ever! I worry about the same thing though; I usually think I'm bothering you. Lovino always says I talk too much. I'm talking too much right now!" He bit the inside of his cheek to stop himself, feeling his stomach flip as he waited for Ludwig's response.

He heard him chuckle on the other line. "I don't talk enough, so I suppose we make a good pair. Either way, I wouldn't say you talk excessively."

"I'm glad at least someone thinks that. It's amazing that we're so different, but we get along so well! Isn't it?"

"It sure is." Ludwig hesitated. "Actually Feliciano, I was not telling the complete truth. I didn't call to confirm you're coming Sunday. I really wanted to ask if you would like to come today instead."

Feliciano nearly dropped the phone. "Yes! Of course, but why?"

He heard Ludwig sigh on the other line. "I…miss you." He said, slowly and awkwardly. "I'm used to seeing you quite often."

Feliciano was used to the same thing, the only difference was he hadn't had the courage to admit it. It was something about Ludwig's voice, the gleam in his eyes, the way he put up a tough front despite his inner shyness and something he couldn't quite describe that made him impossible for Feliciano to forget. He felt dizzy under the weight of his own confusion and nerves. "Me too!" He said, giddy with nervous anticipation. "When can you pick me up?"

"I can be there in an hour."

That was definitely sooner than he had imagined. He thought he would at least have time to prepare himself mentally. The thought of being in Ludwig's house, meeting his family- it made his head spin. What if his brother didn't like him? What if he made a fool out of himself? It certainly wouldn't be the first time. But he needed to see Ludwig again. His growing loneliness was killing him, and his own house was beginning to feel like more of a prison.

"Okay, I'll get ready." He said. They said their goodbyes, and Feliciano got dressed with butterflies in his stomach.

Ludwig pulled up to his driveway almost exactly one hour later. Instead of honking to let Feliciano know he was there, he walked up to the door and knocked. Feliciano made a beeline for the door, but had to take a second before he opened it.

"Hello, Feliciano. Are you ready to go?" asked Ludwig.

Feliciano nodded quickly. "Yes." He said confidently. He thought he might as well fake confidence until it somehow became natural.

"Ludwig, why did you ask me to come Sunday if I could come today?" asked Feliciano as Ludwig pulled away from his house.

"I wasn't sure that I was ready to show you what I plan to show you."

Feliciano began to wonder what he could possibly have to show him. It must be something significant if the thought made someone as strong as Ludwig nervous. "Are you ready now?" He asked, tilting his head to the side.

Ludwig shook his head. "I don't think I'd be ready if I waited a year, but there's no time like the present." He said. "This morning when I was going about my business, I noticed that something was wrong. I couldn't put my finger on it, but then I realized something. It was one of the first times since we've met that I would go a full day without seeing you."

Feliciano's chest tightened. Ludwig had never been so open with him before, and he wasn't sure how to react. "Did you really miss me that much?" He asked. He needed to know if Ludwig had the same confusing feelings that he did, he just had to.

"Something like that. You're like glue, Feliciano. You just have a tendency to stick in my thoughts." He chuckled, amused by his own metaphor. "That's another thing, I don't think I've laughed this much in a very long time."

Funny, Feliciano thought that Ludwig didn't laugh much at all. He chose to ignore the fact, far too awestruck by Ludwig admitting he missed him to care. "I missed you too!" He said.

Ludwig quickly changed the subject. "And another thing. I have to warn you, my brother is…quite eccentric." He said. "We are opposites."

That piqued Feliciano's interest. "How so?"

"Believe me, you will see."

Ten minutes later, they pulled up to Ludwig's driveway. Nothing had changed since he had seen the outside of his house days before. Ludwig opened the door to get out of the car right away, but Feliciano paused. "What if Gilbert doesn't like me?" He asked.

"You don't need to worry about that," said Ludwig. Reassured, Feliciano followed him into the house.

When he opened the door, the first thing he heard was some kind of loud German metal music. "Gilbert!" Ludwig hollered. "Turn that down please, I have a guest!" The music stopped entirely, and what immerged from the other room was probably the most bizarre looking person Feliciano had ever seen.

It was hard to believe this guy was Ludwig's _older _brother, considering he was at least a head shorter than him. Instead of golden blonde, his hair was stark white like snow. His eyes were an inhuman shade of scarlet, and he wore a perpetual smirk. Oddly enough, he had a small yellow bird perched on his shoulder.

"Oh Luddy, are you telling me you finally brought someone home?" Gilbert said, his voice fast and shrill. "Let me guess, he wanted proof that you were related to the awesome me?"

"This is Feliciano." Ludwig said, ignoring his brother's mocking. "Feliciano, you know this is Gilbert-"

His red eyes widened. "THIS is Feliciano?" He exclaimed. He turned to Feliciano in one jerking movement. "Oh my God, kid, this loser hasn't shut up about you for a good few weeks!"

"_Gilbert._"

"You know it's true, Ludwig! Whenever you talk to me it's always _Feliciano this, Feliciano that._" He said, mocking his brother's deep voice while using his right hand as a puppet.

Feliciano felt a rush of excitement flood through his veins. The simple fact that Ludwig spoke about him made him feel like he was being shot to another planet. He turned to Ludwig, who had turned bright red.

"I can't believe I'm finally getting to meet you! So tell me, how do you put up with this one?" He continued, pointing his thumb at Ludwig. Ludwig could only stand there looking like he had given up on trying to stop him.

"I don't put up with him!" He laughed. "I think Ludwig is great!"

Then, Gilbert laughed. It was nothing compared to Ludwig's deep, pleasant chuckle. Gilbert laughed with a high picked cackle. "But he's so boring! I'm the awesome one in this family!" He said.

"I don't think he's boring." Feliciano insisted, still smiling out of amusement.

Gilbert suddenly changed the subject. "Hey, you want to meet my bird?" He asked, shifting his position so that the yellow bird was closer to Feliciano.

Feliciano beamed. "What's his name?"

"_This,_" said Gilbert triumphantly, "is _Gilbird_!"

Feliciano laughed out loud. Of course a character like Gilbert would name his pet after himself. He reached out to pet its little head. The bird barely reacted. "He's adorable." He said, smiling at the tiny creature.

"Isn't he? He's awesome. That's because he takes after me!" Gilbert clapped a hand on his chest and closed his eyes as if he were in a play.

Feliciano giggled. "He's pretty awesome! I love animals!"

"You picked a good one, Ludwig! Gilbird likes him, which means he's okay with me!" Gilbert flashed his trademark smirk. "Can this one stay for lunch?"

Ludwig grimaced. "Gilbert, I doubt he wants to do that."

"Yes I do!" Feliciano said. He wasn't lying.

Ludwig glared at his brother. "Don't let him pressure you." He muttered. "If you don't want to stay, I understand."

Feliciano was confused. Did Ludwig not want him to stay? "But I want to stay, if you want me to!"

Ludwig blinked. "Well, of course, I-"

Gilbert cut him off. "See? You should let him speak for himself. Don't be such a stick in the mud, Ludwig." With that, he playfully punched Ludwig in the arm.

Ludwig rubbed his arm. "One of these days, I will figure out what I ever did to you. We will be going upstairs now." He said.

"Keep it PG, you two!" Gilbert called as they retreated up the steps.

_"__Gilbert!" _Ludwig hollered. His outburst only prompted his brother to laugh again and the sound filled the downstairs. When they reached the upstairs hallway he turned to Feliciano, his face still red. He pinched the bridge of his nose. "I am so sorry about him."

Feliciano smiled. "Sorry? I think he's hilarious!"

"Yes, well, try living with him everyday." He muttered.

Feliciano glanced down the steps, where Gilbert was singing and dancing to himself in another room. "Ludwig, how come your brother looks so different from you?"

"Gilbert has albinism." He explained. "That's never held him back though, he has always been very popular."

Albinism. Feliciano knew he'd read about that somewhere. It caused someone to be born without pigment. This made their skin pale, their hair white and their eyes red. That still didn't explain everything. "Why is he so much smaller? He looks like he could be your younger brother!"

Ludwig shrugged. "I've heard this before. He takes after our mother more. That, and he's never been one to exercise much." He ran a hand through his hair and stared into space. "Let's go to my room, yes?"

Feliciano suddenly remembered what he was there for. He had something to show him, something that apparently made him nervous. Thinking about being in Ludwig's room alone with him caused his head to spin for reasons he wasn't sure of. Forgetting how to speak, he nodded and allowed him to lead him to his bedroom.

As expected, Ludwig's bedroom was spotless and simple. The walls were pale blue. There was a bookshelf against one wall, filled up with books completely. His bed was made-up neatly, the covers plain white. There was a desk next to it, a few papers scattered across the surface. On the back of the door was a German flag, identical to the one outside. When Feliciano noticed the painting he had given him when they first met hanging on the wall, he felt his heart skip a beat.

"Please, sit down." Ludwig said, pointing to the bed. Feliciano's chest jumped. He did as he was told. He couldn't help but feel dizzy, knowing that Ludwig slept where he was sitting. He watched as Ludwig opened the desk drawer and rooted through the contents. "This is hard for me, Feliciano. Please realize that."

Feliciano was so nervous he felt faint. What on earth was he going to show him? How bad could it possibly be? "I understand." He said quietly, balling up part of the covers in his hand. Within a minute Ludwig was sitting next to him, clutching something in his hand. He noticed that his hand was trembling.

Feliciano felt his breath catch at the strange sight. "Ludwig." Instinctively, he reached out and grabbed his free hand. "Whatever it is, it's not going to change anything! Okay?"

Ludwig nodded. "Thank you. I needed to hear that." He took a deep breath then shoved the item in Feliciano's hand. "This, Feliciano," said Ludwig, "is a picture of me from three years ago."

Feliciano looked at the picture and his anxiety was replaced with confusion. For a minute, he did not believe it was actually Ludwig. The boy in the photograph was small, scrawny even. Instead of straining to fit over his chest, his shirt seemed to hang off of him. His blonde hair was longer and hung loosely in his face, which carried a look of fear. Even though it was surprising Ludwig was so different, Feliciano didn't understand what the big deal was.

"Why does this make you nervous?" He asked. "It's just an old picture! I have plenty of old pictures. They don't make me nervous!"

"It's more than just the picture, Feliciano."

"What is it then?"

Ludwig tightened his jaw. "When I was in middle school" he said, "I was in a very similar position as you are now."

_I was once in your position. I have not always looked like this. I never got used to it._ Suddenly, all the things Ludwig had said that didn't quite make sense before made perfect sense now. Feliciano's heart felt like it had physically ripped in half. He couldn't wrap his head around something so terrible. "You mean, you were…" He trailed off, unable to even form the word. What word was even appropriate? Bullied? Tortured?

It was as if Ludwig read his mind. "On a daily basis." He clutched Feliciano's hand between his as he spoke. Feliciano had forgotten his hand was still there. A shock went through his entire body and chills shot down his spine. Even so, the overpowering sensation didn't stop him for hanging onto Ludwig's every word.

"They beat me, yelled at me, took my things, anything you can think of they probably did at least once. It got to the point where they would threaten my life." He finally looked up into Feliciano's eyes, which were becoming bleary. "When I finally graduated, I decided I needed to make a change. I needed to be stronger. So I devoted all of my time to fitness and exercised to the point of exhaustion. In time, I did get stronger."

"Oh my god, Ludwig…" Feliciano couldn't believe it. He didn't want to.

"And when I saw you at the mercy of those boys, it all came flooding back. How lonely I felt, that sense of hopelessness, I couldn't bear to see it happening to someone else. When I saw that look of pure fear in your eyes when I came to help, I felt absolutely ill." He said.

Feliciano's mind spun; nauseating sadness tightened around his chest like a vice. He couldn't even bring himself to think of Ludwig being as miserable and scared as he was, he just couldn't. But somehow, that wasn't all that upset him. Doubt crashed into him like a truck. "Is that the only reason we're friends, Ludwig?" He nearly whispered. "Is it just because you feel bad for me?"

"No." Ludwig said firmly, immediately. Relief washed over Feliciano like a bucket of ice water. "It's true that that's how this started, because I needed to help you. But then I got to know you, Feliciano. I saw how kind you are. It's still amazing to me how you can get the living _scheiße _beaten out of you, yet you still smile afterwards." He smiled slightly, but it didn't show in his eyes. "You've taught me a few things, Feliciano. You've taught me how to forgive, how to see the bright side in everything. You have managed to completely change my life in only a few weeks."

Ludwig ran his thumb over Feliciano's palm and his hand burned under his touch. Feliciano felt tears threatening to spill from his eyes. The similarities in their lives stunned him. Really, they were not as different as you would think just by looking at them. They had the same struggles, the same insecurities, and even similar pasts. They were just packaged differently. Feliciano felt his chest seize.

Finally, he found the right words to say. "You've changed my life too. I'm not lonely anymore, I've never had someone to talk to or hang out with or anything." Feliciano said. His lips twitched into a slight smile.

"Neither have I, Feliciano." Ludwig said. Then he smiled, a soft look in his eyes. Feliciano felt his heartbeat speed up and his cheeks flush. What was this feeling? A simple smile from a friend shouldn't be doing this to him. He opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out.

Ludwig's eyes were occupied with what could best be described as confusion. He was no longer smiling when he broke the silence. "I've never felt quite like this. It's as if I need you around, or else I just feel off."

Hearing Ludwig put what he had been thinking for so long into words made Feliciano feel like he had lightning running through his veins. He was wrong about his feelings being confusing before. Now it was worse. He was ecstatic to hear Ludwig say these beautiful things, but at the same time, he felt helpless. He couldn't control these feelings and they were getting stronger by the day. They overtook him, threatened to swallow him whole. Feliciano felt as if his world was collapsing whenever Ludwig was away, a world that only truly felt complete when he was with him. It had been less than a week, why did it feel like he had never existed without him?

When he looked into Ludwig's sparking eyes again, the swell of emotions hit him harder than it ever had. He felt as if someone had punched him in the stomach. He felt himself breaking, every fiber of his being tearing at the seams. It was too much now, too much…

Feliciano snapped.

He ripped his hand out of Ludwig's grasp with incredible speed. "I can't take this anymore!" He cried. The air around them seemed to grow colder. Feliciano suddenly felt as if the walls were closing in around him. He continued speaking before he realized it one disjointed, frantic sentence. "I don't know what's happening and I don't like it!"

"Feliciano? What's wrong?" Ludwig's eyes were widened in horrified shock. "Did I upset you?"

"No, yes, I don't know!" Feliciano felt as if his body was refusing to let him communicate. When he opened his mouth to speak, his throat felt like it would close. He might as well have been drowning. He curled away from Ludwig, not wanting to even be close to him. It hurt too much to be so close. "I don't know what I'm feeling! I've never been this confused, I-"

Everything turned to slow motion as Feliciano remembered every love song he'd ever heard. All those romantic movies, the times he'd seen couples holding hands as they walked down the street- all of those feelings that he had assumed they were having, these were them. All of it suddenly made sense. But there was one thing that was very, very different. _Ludwig is another boy. _He thought. _Ludwig is another boy. _

Feliciano cupped his head in his hands and began to shake like a leaf. He felt an overwhelming panic wrap around him like a snake. No, this wasn't happening. It couldn't be happening, not to him. This was too fast. It didn't make sense. For a split second, he was sure he was mistaken. But when he looked into Ludwig's worried eyes- his beautiful, kind, amazing eyes- and lost his will to deny what was happening.

In all of those movies someone eventually had to confess their feelings, so Feliciano knew what he had to do. Either way, he was sure he would combust if he kept this to himself. "Ludwig." Feliciano noticed his voice was shaking. Ludwig stared at him with wild eyes, not blinking, probably not breathing.

This wasn't as easy as it was in the movies; it was as if he was teetering off the edge of a cliff. Everything could either completely fall apart or fall perfectly into place within the next ten seconds. Good lord, what was he doing? Feliciano tried to continue through his swirling emotions and his words came out in a whisper. "I think-"

Before he could finish, the feelings that had clouded his vision gave way to reality. This was not a movie. There was no way Ludwig would feel the same crazy feelings. He'd always been so emotionless, surely if he returned these feelings he would show it. This wasn't right, it was too strange; it wasn't how it was supposed to be. Even if such a horrible thing was true, Feliciano felt like a balloon about to pop. He couldn't hold back anymore, no matter how hard he tried.

The sound of Ludwig's voice sent him plummeting back to earth. "Feliciano, you need to answer me!" Somewhere along the line, Ludwig had taken both of his hands in a death grip. Feliciano could barely hear him over his heartbeat, which was now residing in his ears. "Please tell me why you're so upset!"

Feliciano slowly lowered his face to Ludwig's shoulder and wrapped his arms around his strong upper body. It hurt to be close, but it hurt even more to not be. His heartbeat was faster than it had ever been. It pounded in his ears, his stomach, his throat. He was so nauseous, so dizzy, it was much worse than when he had a concussion. This felt like life or death, and he couldn't go back now.

"Ludwig…" he said again. He closed his eyes in an attempt to ward off his vertigo. It was now or never. "I think…I…"

"Yes, Feliciano?" Ludwig said desperately. "Tell me. It's okay. Everything is okay."

Feliciano gave up. He surrendered to his feelings and allowed his mind to go numb. That was the only way he was going to get through this. When he finally said the words rattling around mercilessly in his head, he barely heard himself. "I think… I'm in love with you."

The room fell silent. The words shocked Feliciano as he said it and the phrase felt unfamiliar on his lips. Alarms went off in his head when he realized what he'd done. "Please don't hate me, Ludwig!" He cried, gripping him tighter. He felt like if he let go, he would fall off the earth's surface. He closed his eyes and clung desperately to consciousness. "But it hurts so much, I didn't know it would hurt so much…"

His entire life, Feliciano thought love was supposed to make someone happy. It was supposed to make them feel like everything in the universe was in place, it was supposed to make them bother everyone around them with how happy they were. That's what it was like in all the movies and songs. That's how he felt when he was with Ludwig, but he had always wanted something more. He had never been quite satisfied.

And this, this was different. This was a desperate, indescribable longing paired with a crippling confusion that knocked the breath out of his lungs whenever he saw him. He waited for the sun to explode, for his heart to give out, or even worse- for Ludwig to kick him out of his house and never speak to him again.

Only Ludwig didn't yell. He looked calm. Too calm. "Feliciano, look at me." He grabbed his shoulders and held him at an arm's distance. Feliciano refused to make eye contact, still trembling beyond his control. _Oh God, what if he'd ruined everything…_ "I wasn't going to tell you." Ludwig continued in a hushed voice.

Careful to keep his voice from cracking, Feliciano found the courage to begin speaking again. "Tell me what?"

"Listen to me, Feliciano." He said. Before continuing, he took one deep, shaking breath. "I think I return your feelings." He paused and shook his head. Feliciano's stomach dropped to his feet.

"You think you do?" Feliciano asked. His voice caught in the middle of the earth shattering, life-altering question.

Ludwig bit down on his lip. "No." He said. His eyes darted around as though he expected his answer to be written on the walls. His eventual words were quick and disjointed. "I mean, yes, I…I have never been more certain, really…"

Feliciano thought his own anxiety would eat him alive. He had never needed a direct answer more than he did now. "What are you saying?"

Ludwig's face was bright red as he finally met Feliciano's eyes. Time came to a full stop. "I am saying I love you."

Silence fell between them. All they could do was look at each other, watching their entire relationship unravel in front of them. Ludwig's words failed to register with Feliciano. He might as well have said it in Arabic. Was this not what he wanted? Why was the world not flipping on its axis? Feliciano stared expressionlessly as Ludwig looked away.

Feliciano quickly came to the crushing, terrifying realization: He didn't believe him.

"You're lying." He said it about as coldly as his heart felt. His racing thoughts suddenly became words. "You never showed it, you never showed any emotion at all, that doesn't make sense!"

Ludwig looked at him again in an instant with hurt in his eyes. "Do you really think I would lie to you, especially about this?" He didn't breaking eye contact once. "Do you honestly think I'm any less confused than you are?"

It all made sense. The terrifying feeling of not being in his own body finally left him alone and Feliciano suddenly believed him. Everything fell into place, and in that moment they were the only two people in the world. Nothing else mattered. Not school, not Lovino being away, nothing but Ludwig saying these things to him, taking all the pain away.

"I was not going to say anything. I pushed the thought out of my mind for a very long time." Ludwig said. "But I have never felt…quite like this. I stopped denying it."

Feliciano's eyes brimmed with tears. He knew that feeling all too well. He wiped his eyes on his sleeve, nodding. "Me too."

"I'm very glad you told me about these feelings, Feliciano. It was a very brave thing to do." He said and rested his hand on Feliciano's trembling back.

"It wasn't exactly a choice, Ludwig! I felt like if I didn't tell you I was going to explode!" Feliciano still felt like he was going to explode. His heart was absolutely refusing to slow down.

He nodded and gently rubbed Feliciano's back. "Either way, it was brave. Braver than I could ever be."

When Feliciano looked into his eyes, he forgot he had ever been upset. The panic had disappeared, and there was nothing left but a blinding happiness and an even more powerful _want_. "Ludwig…" Feliciano brought his hand to his cheek and moved closer. Time came to a halt. His stomach flipped on itself when he got close enough to feel his breathing. Feliciano closed his eyes. All he had to do was move a fraction of an inch…

Reality came crashing down on them when there was a pounding at the door. Feliciano was so shocked he nearly fell off the bed.

"Feliciano! Dumb brother!" Gilbert screamed from the other side, all while pounding at the door violently. "It's time to eat!"

* * *

_To be continued..._


	8. Chapter 8

After an extremely uncomfortable lunch that consisted of Gilbert rambling while Feliciano and Ludwig frequently looked up from their plates to glance at each other, Feliciano was at the door about to leave. They spoke in hushed tones so Gilbert wouldn't hear their conversation.

"I don't want to go, Ludwig. Whenever you're not with me my stomach hurts." Feliciano whispered. He fiddled with his hands to have something to focus on.

Ludwig looked at him with a hint of sympathy in his eyes. "I know, I know. I don't want you to leave either. But Feliciano, are you sure it's good for your health to feel so distraught without me?"

"But I can't help it!"

"I'm not scolding you. In fact, I'm just as guilty." He said. "But don't you think it would be beneficial to have some time alone after all of this?"

Feliciano stared at the floor. He was right, he supposed. Even though the loneliness ate at him, threatened to consume him, he needed to be able to function on his own. It was never a skill he excelled it, and that had been true long before Ludwig. He had always been more than reliant on Lovino and Roma. The isolation was crushing, so the slightest chance of companionship made him want to hold on and never let go. The hamartia had appeared after the departure of his childhood friend and never seemed to leave Feliciano alone.

Casting this aside, Feliciano looked up at Ludwig, wanting nothing more than to finish what he started. Feliciano stood on the balls of his feet and closed his eyes, waiting for him to respond. He opened his eyes went he felt Ludwig's finger pressed against his lips. "Later, Feliciano." He said.

Feliciano was almost hurt. "But-"

"My brother is here."

Feliciano laughed. He had completely forgotten about that. It felt so good to finally laugh. The tension had been pressing down on him like a foot to the back of the head. Speak of the devil; Gilbert calling from the kitchen interrupted them. "Ludwig! Help me clean all this crap up!"

Ludwig rolled his eyes. "Can I not have five minutes to say goodbye to my friend?"

Friend. That word was hitting Feliciano's ear wrong after all that had just happened. "Am I still just a friend to you?" He asked.

"I think you know that this is something more than that, I'm just not sure what yet." Ludwig fixed his hair again. "And I think we should hold off on telling him." He said; flicking his head forwards the kitchen.

Feliciano smiled and nodded. That made sense. Even though he was feeling better, something was still eating away at him. Maybe it was ridiculous, but the possibly still existed. That alone was enough to terrify him. "Ludwig, I'm afraid."

He seemed confused. "Of what?"

"I'm afraid that once I leave" he said, "you're going to figure out that this was all a big mistake you made in the heat of the moment or something, like when someone tells you to do something and you say you will even though you don't want to because you panic." He struggled to keep his voice quiet. He wasn't making sense, but then again, none of today made much sense at all.

After the bizarre analogy seemed to click, Ludwig shook his head with vigor. "Don't say such silly things. You know that isn't true."

Deep down, Feliciano did know that wasn't true. Ludwig was a man of his word; he certainly didn't strike him as wishy-washy. But he was still so, so afraid. What he had longed for this whole time was so close he could almost taste it, but he feared it would slip through his fingers. He wasn't alone anymore, but how long would that last?

"Take some time for yourself." Ludwig said. "Tomorrow, try to recover from all of this. Sleep late. Call your brother. Paint something. Don't even think about me."

Feliciano looked at him vacantly. Telling him to not think about Ludwig, especially after the conversation they had just had, was akin to putting a steak in front of a starving man and telling him to not be hungry or even think about the food. "How am I supposed to do that?"

"Just try. For you own sake."

Why was he doing this to him? Didn't he want to talk about all of this? Then, Feliciano realized something: All of that must have been an awful lot for Ludwig to do. To open up about his past and on top of that to confess his feelings, it must be something that he had never done. In fact, he had never even heard him speak so much at once before. Finally beginning to understand, he nodded.

"Very good. Now let's get you home." He glanced back at Feliciano, then back at the door, and finally at Feliciano again. In one swift, awkward and amazing movement, he leaned down and quickly kissed the top of his head. At that point, both of them were bright red.

"I'm going to take Feliciano home." He called towards the kitchen.

Gilbert groaned. "Ludwig, there's food, like, everywhere!"

He shook his head, ignoring him. Leaving his house, Feliciano felt like years had passed since he'd last been outside. The sun seemed to shine brighter and the wind seemed to feel better on his skin. Nothing could hurt him now.

The care ride home passed in the blink of an eye. Reluctant to move, Feliciano stared out the window for a few moments. His concentration was broken when he felt Ludwig's hand on his shoulder.

"Wait just a moment." He said. Ludwig hesitated, and finally he reached behind his neck and brought something forward. He was holding onto an iron cross on a silver chain. He must have kept it tucked under his shirt, because Feliciano he never noticed it.

"Here" Ludwig leaned towards the passenger seat and fastened the clasp again behind Feliciano's neck.

It took him a second to realize what was going on. "You're giving me your necklace?" He asked, rubbing the pendant between his fingers.

Ludwig nodded. "Something to remind you of me."

The irony. Just minutes ago Feliciano was being told not to think about him, now he was being given something to remind him of Ludwig. As if it were possible to forget him. Still, the simple gesture caused his heart to flutter. "I don't think I would ever need help to think about you." He said, smiling down at the cross. He felt the need to give something to him, something he wouldn't be able to forget.

Then, he knew exactly what to do. He leaned forward and kissed Ludwig on the cheek. "And that's to remind you of me."

The tips of Ludwig's ears burned. "Well, that was certainly memorable." He muttered.

When they hugged it was different, somehow. There was a world of meaning behind the simply gesture. To Feliciano it felt warmer, closer, and filled him with more intoxicating happiness than before. He never wanted to let go. But they eventually did let go, and Feliciano climbed out of the car and walked to his house. He waved goodbye reluctantly, and Ludwig did the same.

When Feliciano entered his house, the first thing he did was run up the steps and crawl into his bed. Before he could do anything else, he took a series of much needed deep breaths and concentrated on nothing else. What a day he'd had. He held the pendant in his hand and pressed it against his chest as if it the action in itself would bring him closer to Ludwig. He finally tucked in under his shirt like Ludwig had worn it, letting the cold metal press against his bare skin. This was too much. Never in a million years did Feliciano expect anything like that to ever happen to him, and to have it happen in a matter of weeks? He thought he must be absolutely mad. But it was a wonderful, intoxicating madness.

After a few minutes, he decided to take some of Ludwig's advice. He sat up, reached into his pocket, and retrieved his phone. Lovino shouldn't be busy right now. He picked up on the second ring.

_"__Pronto." _

"Hi, Lovino!"

"Feliciano? I haven't heard from you in a few days. How is everything?" Lovino sounded relaxed, a good sign he was able to talk for more than a few minutes.

Feliciano didn't know how to respond. Everything was more than fine. Right now, it was fantastic. His entire body buzzed with the ecstasy of it all. However, this was the first time that he felt that he couldn't tell his brother exactly what was going on in his life. He wanted to tell him about Ludwig, about his beautiful yet oh so confusing new feelings, everything.

Even so, he realized he couldn't. If he told him about all of that, it would only trigger a chain reaction. If he told him about Ludwig, he would have to tell him about the attacks and the bullies. Even if he was able to avoid telling him about that somehow, he wasn't sure if he would be able to talk about Ludwig without confessing that he was in love with him. That, he didn't think Lovino would take well.

"Everything is fine. Just how it normally is!" Feliciano was well aware he was lying through his teeth. Nothing that had happened that week was anywhere near normal.

"You sure, Feliciano? You sound awfully excited."

He was right. Feliciano thought for a moment, contemplating how he could possibly integrate all he wanted to say into the conversation without letting the cat out of the bag. "Hey, Lovino? Can I ask you a question?" He asked finally.

There was a pause. "Well, sure you can." Lovino said hesitantly. "What is it?"

Feliciano didn't give himself time to rethink his question. "Have you ever been in love?" He asked.

Lovino made didn't say anything for a moment. "Why do you want to know?"

"Just wondering!" Feliciano blurted.

"I don't think so." He said cautiously. "There has to be a reason you would ask such an unusual question." His voice went from melancholic to giddy in ten seconds flat. "Oh, Feli, there's a special girl isn't there?"

"No, Lovino! There is no special girl." He wasn't lying, after all. There wasn't a special girl. Lovino didn't say anything about a special boy; one that made him feel safe and loved and sent chills down his spine when they touched.

Lovino's tone went flat again. "Then why are you asking?"

"Is it really a crime to ask my own brother a personal question?" Feliciano said, praying to god he didn't sound too suspicious.

Lovino sighed. "Alright, alright. But no, I don't think I've ever been in love."

Feliciano frowned. There goes his one source of possible advice. Even so, he doubted Lovino would be of much help regardless. He was never very open. Even if he did have someone special, Feliciano doubted he would even mention it. All the same, he knew he eventually had to tell him about all of this. It just wasn't time yet.

They veered off the topic of love and talked instead about their everyday activities. Feliciano talked about his paintings and classes he found interesting, making sure to dodge questions about his social life. Lovino told him about his new friends and clubs in college, making sure to emphasize how exciting it all was.

Feliciano felt a sort of disconnect while talking to him. Things were so much simpler when they were younger. He hadn't seen his brother in almost a year, and he was beginning to feel like he didn't even know him. Phone calls could only do so much to keep them close. So many new things were going on in both of their lives and their differences were becoming more and more apparent. After they hung up, Feliciano sighed heavily into the painfully empty house.

.

Hours later, the phone call forgotten, Feliciano was lying on his bedroom floor. He wasn't doing anything, just staring at his ceiling fan spinning around and around. One thing he knew was that he had already failed Ludwig's request to not think about him. Part of him believed that that afternoon, maybe even the entire week was just a dream he was going to emerge from soon. He couldn't get over how sudden the whole thing was. Love had hit Feliciano like a hailstorm.

But none of that mattered now. He had Ludwig and the circumstances were irrelevant. _Are we dating, then? _Feliciano thought. He hoped so. He made a mental note to ask Ludwig.

The thought of it was so foreign, dating someone of his same gender. Before Ludwig, he had obviously known these types of relationships existed. The difference was they had never hit home, not until now that is. It was always something that happened in places far away to people he didn't know. In fact, real romance with anyone regardless of gender had barely crossed his mind before. He wouldn't have it any other way, but he wondered how the simple fact would limit them. Could they still hold hands and hug in the hallways like other couples? The simple thought of doing so made him ecstatic, but Feliciano supposed it didn't really matter. As long as they could be together, everything would be just fine.

Feliciano smiled like a fool. _I'm in love with Ludwig Beilschmidt!_ He repeated the beautiful words over and over again in his head. He said them out loud a couple of times to prove to himself that this was real. He would scream them from the rooftops if he could. With the pleasing thoughts acting as a security blanket and the fan droning on, he fell asleep right on the floor.

.

Sunday wasn't eventful. Feliciano did as he was told, sleeping in late after he found his way to the bed sometime after he fell asleep initially. He made an attempt at painting, ate his meals and did his homework. He tried to keep his mind off Ludwig, he really did. Nevertheless, it seemed like no matter what he did those blues eyes and that deep voice kept finding their way into his thoughts. He was still wearing the necklace, only having taken it off once to shower. The unfamiliar weight around his neck served as a constant reminder of just how lucky he was.

First thing Monday morning, Feliciano nearly ran to his locker. His heart jumped when he saw Ludwig leaning against it. He greeted him with a hug without caring who saw. Afterwards, he turned to his locker. He was surprised to see a rose in one of the slots, the stem shoved through with only the red flower peaking out.

Ludwig didn't look at him. "That…that is for you." He stammered.

Feliciano could have squealed, but didn't. "Oh my gosh, it's beautiful! But why did you put it here, you could have just given it to me!" He reached out to grab his hand. When he pulled away, it stung.

Ludwig's eyes were filled with unsaid apologies. "For your own safety, I don't think it would be wise to be public about this yet."

While Feliciano was disappointed, he understood. They walked to their classes with a noticeable shyness between them; plenty of anxious glances and embarrassed smiles to go around. Lunch rolled around, and they were sitting on the same hill they always did. The sky hung heavy with dark grey clouds. The grass felt cold beneath them, giving Feliciano chills when he lied down in it.

Ludwig stared into the threatening sky. "Looks like rain." As if his words were controlling the universe, a deafening crack of thunder filled their ears. Feliciano yelped and sat upright immediately. When the lightening came, he jumped. Before they had time to react beyond that, the clouds burst open and spilt their contents onto the earth below. The rain started strong, not even beginning with a drizzle.

"Let's go to my car." Ludwig said as he pulled Feliciano to his feet. They abandoned their empty lunch bags and ran towards the parking lot all while the heavy rain beat down on them. The cold water chilled Feliciano to the bone as it soaked his clothing and hair.

When they finally made it to the car, they got in the back seat and slammed the doors behind them. Feliciano shivered and wrapped his arms around himself for warmth.

Ludwig fidgeted in his seat and avoided eye contact. "Are you cold?"

Feliciano wondered why he would need to ask. "Well, yeah."

He nearly forgot how to breathe when Ludwig put his arm around his waist and pulled him into his side. "Is this alright?" He asked. He was staring out the window now.

Before Feliciano could even nod, the loudest crack of thunder he had ever heard in his life filled the sky and sent fear shooting through his heart. He threw his arms around Ludwig out of shock and closed his eyes. When he opened them he realized Ludwig was looking down at him. Their faces were only inches away.

For a moment, neither said a word. Feliciano looked at him, forgetting he had ever been cold. Ludwig's hair fell loosely in his face as the water dripped from it. His face was flushed from the cold, and his already too-tight shirt was clinging to him even more. He looked so, so perfect.

"Hey, Ludwig?" He said.

"Yes?"

"Your brother isn't here now."

Feliciano's heart was beating out of his chest, the sound only masked by the pounding of the rain against the windows. Ludwig looked confused for a moment. Then his mouth fell open, forming an inaudible "oh." A million questions ran through Feliciano's head. He looked away, his breathing quick and unnatural. This was supposed to be natural, wasn't it?

"I don't know what to do." The words left his mouth before he could stop them. Feliciano bit his lip and prayed he didn't ruin the moment he'd waited so long for.

Ludwig looked at him and smiled. "I would think this is like art, Feliciano. It's not about formulas or having the right form, you get to do anything you want."

Feliciano's chest jumped at the sound of him repeating his own words; astonished he had remembered. Shaking, he brought his hand to Ludwig's slightly damp cheek. The world slowed down. His skin burned when the Ludwig's strong hands hesitantly wrapped around his waist and pulled him even closer. Finally, in what was the most amazing, confused and beautiful moment of his life, Feliciano leaned forward and kissed him. In that moment, everything stopped. There was no one else in the world but them.

Ludwig's mouth was cool and wet from the rain. The new sensation was intoxicating, Feliciano's entire body buzzing with ecstasy, nerves and everything in between. He brought his hand to his blonde hair and ran his fingers through it, tracing them down his neck. Ludwig's lips twitched as he did and his entire body shuddered. He couldn't be sure if it was from the cold or from Feliciano's touch alone.

"Feliciano…" he whispered against his mouth. Feliciano's heart jumped. Hearing Ludwig moaning his name sent chills throughout his entire body. Days earlier, he couldn't figure out what he wanted when he was with him. Now he knew. He had wanted exactly this, nothing more and nothing less.

When they finally broke apart, Feliciano noticed that Ludwig was blushing too. "Was that your first kiss, Ludwig?"

He nodded. "Yours?"

Feliciano nodded back.

Ludwig smiled slightly and looked away. Feliciano could not be sure if he had ever seen him act so shy. "I couldn't imagine my first being any better than that." He said quietly.

Feliciano looked up at him, smiling. "Want to have your second?"

They kissed again. They bumped noses a couple times, laughed nervously and paused in the middle just to smile. It was clumsy and just a bit awkward, but it was beautiful and it was perfect. Ludwig was the one to break away.

"Feliciano, take off your shirt."

His heart nearly stopped. This was going faster than he expected. "I beg your pardon?"

Ludwig reached under the seat and pulled out two neatly folded school shirts. He handed one to Feliciano, who giggled at the unspoken misunderstanding. "You just happen to have two shirts in your car?"

Ludwig shrugged. "I like to be prepared." He said. "Now change, I don't want you to get sick."

Feliciano blushed as he slowly undid the buttons on his shirt. He felt shyer than he did changing in front of the other boys in the locker room. Something about this felt more intimate. In one hasty movement he took off the wet shirt and pulled on the dry one. The shirt was huge on him and went almost to the middle of his thighs. He could smell Ludwig's cologne, still residing on the shirt after being washed. Ludwig soon did the same, and Feliciano couldn't help but steal a glance at his muscular chest as he did so.

"You're still wearing it." Ludwig said, glancing at the necklace that had taken on a permanent residence on Feliciano's chest.

Feliciano tucked the necklace under his new, massive shirt. "Yep! Why wouldn't I? I couldn't leave the house without it!"

"I'm glad you like it." Ludwig glanced at his watch and his smile disappeared. "As much as I hate to say it, we have to head back in."

"We're going to get soaked again!"

Ludwig leaned into the front seat, reached into his glove compartment and pulled out an umbrella. "Always prepared."

* * *

_To be continued..._


	9. Chapter 9

The rain only got stronger throughout the day. Lightning filled the school's windows and large cracks of thunder frequently interrupted the lessons. Feliciano couldn't concentrate on his work. He never liked thunderstorms. They were right up there with the dark and yelling, angry people in terms of things that shot fear through his heart. It was something about the amount of power they held, the amount of damage they could do and the fact that humans were powerless to stop it. By the end of the day, he was shaking.

"Are you okay?" asked Ludwig when he pulled up to Feliciano's house.

"Fine!" Feliciano said a little too quickly. "Everything is fine!" He had to try especially hard not to jump when lightning filled the sky again. The rain was coming down in buckets and was already starting to flood the streets.

Ludwig raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure?" Feliciano forced himself to nod, to lie. "If you say so. Please contact me if you need something." With that, they kissed again. Feliciano hung on to it for as long as he could. He had to force himself to get out of the car.

It didn't help the situation when he tried to flip the light on and noticed his power was out. This was bad. Dealing with a storm was one thing; dealing with a storm in the dark was a completely different story. He fumbled to the kitchen in search of a flashlight. The darkness made the house and its hallways seem endless, each room fading seamlessly into the next.

He was grateful when he saw light coming in from the kitchen window. Light, he needed as much light as possible. Relying on memory alone, he managed to find a flashlight and a slew of candles in the kitchen's drawers. He lit them with clammy hands. He hated lighting matches. That had always been Lovino's job. The lit candles almost seemed to make it worse. They cast shadows on the walls, flickering violently. It was like something hid in the shadows, waiting to grab him by the arms and pull him farther into the darkness. No, he could handle this. He was older now, old enough to live on his own.

Suddenly, the walls were closing in on him.

Feliciano was overcome with nausea. Confusion set in. He was lost in his own home. He put the flashlight in his pocket, took two of the candles and ran upstairs, and slammed his bedroom door. The candles now sat on his dresser, filling the room with a dull orange light. The flames were too hot, too bright. A flash of lightening filled the window and he screamed. He jumped not on his bed but under it and covered his head with his hands.

The rain might as well have been gunshots. He was going to faint. He was going to die. Nothing made sense. _It's only rain. _He thought, desperately trying to cling to reason. This has happened before. He was okay. No, he wasn't okay. His heartbeat sped up, but not in the way it did when he was in Ludwig's car. This was painful. It hurt to breathe, to think. His limbs felt like they weren't connected to him. It was like he was watching himself from somewhere else. His body didn't feel like his own.

Which way was up? Which was down? He didn't know and he didn't care. He was crying, drowning. Thunder shook the house and lightning filled his vision. He couldn't do this. He couldn't move, but he needed to do something.

_Breathe._ He thought, demanding that his body cooperate. _Right now. Breathe. _He took in one deep, painful breath. The room around him started to come into focus; the spinning was finally beginning to stop. He continued to breathe irregularly and his heart rate began to slow down. Everything hurt and he was suddenly exhausted.

He couldn't bother Ludwig again, no matter how badly he wanted him to be close. He just couldn't bring himself to do it. Ludwig had already done so much for him; it was beginning to be unfair to him. Feliciano needed to prove he could take care of himself. Slowly, he pried himself off of the floor and made his way to the top of his bed. He hid under the covers and turned on the flashlight, grasping his necklace.

The storm continued to rage; pounding against his house like a murderer trying to break in. All he could do was plug his ears and hum to himself. _I can take care of myself._ He thought. His humming grew louder. _I can take care of myself! _His thoughts were screaming at him. Lovino was wrong, his grandfather was wrong, everyone was wrong about him. He didn't need to be watched. He balled his hands into fists and his knuckles turned white. Hot tears streamed down his face but he refused to cry out.

About an hour later, the storm was still going strong. Feliciano was still in the same position he was an hour ago when there was a knock at the door. At first he didn't move, thinking it was only the storm. Then the knock was louder, faster, and he knew that it was something else. He picked himself up and shuffled towards the door. He steadied his hand the best he could and flung it open. Standing there was Ludwig, soaking wet with a worried expression on his face.

Feliciano's eyes widened, his initial shock giving way to relief. He felt his fear fizzle out and die. "What are you going here?" He asked and ushered him inside.

Ludwig walked inside and pushed his soaked hair back in place. "I noticed you were upset earlier. It has been nagging at me all afternoon." He said. "I am sorry to bother you."

"No, Ludwig." Feliciano felt the grip on his lungs all but disappear. "I needed you to come."

Ludwig looked at him curiously. "Did something happen?"

"I just don't like storms." Feliciano chuckled humorlessly as if to dismiss it. Ludwig probably wouldn't understand. That terrifying, suffocating flood of fear had happened before, but he never had a name for it. He was sure it was something that only happened to him.

Ludwig tightened his jaw. "Feliciano, you're shaking. I think this is more than just not liking storms."

Feliciano looked down at his hands. Ludwig was right; he was still shaking. It wasn't as bad as before, though. He was grateful for that. He wouldn't have wanted Ludwig to see him in that state. Taking a deep breath, he made the decision to at least try and explain. He looked at the ground. "I was trying to light candles, and all of a sudden I felt like everything was closing in on me. I couldn't breathe and my heart was going crazy."

Ludwig didn't miss a beat. "You had a panic attack."

The term was unfamiliar, foreign. "What's a panic attack?"

"It's when you feel like you're in grave danger and you are not in control of your situation, regardless of whether or not there is a reason to be afraid." Ludwig explained it as though he had rehearsed the words. "I have read books on the subject."

So it did have a name. What Ludwig described was identical to what had happened to him. "Oh." Feliciano could think of nothing else to say.

Ludwig frowned. "Has this happened before?"

Feliciano thought back, trying to remember. Yes, it had happened before. Not often, but it was memorably terrible each time. "Just a couple of times." He said.

Ludwig sighed. "Life hasn't been all that fair to you, has it?" He took a step forward and hugged Feliciano so tight he could barely breathe. The statement confused him. After all, his grandfather had always told his life was unfair. He never expected life to be fair. Even so, he found no use in being bitter about his circumstances.

The way he saw it, he could choose to be upset about his situation at school and the like, or he could chose to be happy that he had a brother and now Ludwig, both of whom he was sure actually loved him. He would always choose the latter. He buried his face in Ludwig's chest, not caring that his shirt was wet.

"Do you want me to stay, Feliciano?" asked Ludwig.

"Yes." Feliciano said immediately. "But won't Gilbert wonder where you are?"

Ludwig smirked. "I believe he will figure it out."

"But you don't have any other clothes! Unless you're hiding more in your car."

Ludwig looked down at his wet clothes. "No, I do not. Do you by any chance have a shirt that will fit me?"

Feliciano remembered that Lovino left a few of his absurdly large t-shirts that he wore to bed behind when he went to college. With any luck, clothes that were way too big on Lovino would be okay if not slightly tight on Ludwig.

"Yeah, there's some upstairs." He said. Then he looked up the dark staircase, seemingly leading to nowhere. He grasped Ludwig's hand for safety and led him up the steps.

Feliciano hadn't been in Lovino's room more than once or twice since he left. Everything was just as he left it, although the majority of his stuff was gone. He felt his way over to his closet and pulled out one of the remaining black shirts, then gave it to Ludwig.

When he began to undo the buttons on his shirt, Feliciano was hit with a sudden surge of either hormones or confidence. Either way, he felt suddenly bold.

"Let me help." He said. He reached out and undid the rest of Ludwig's buttons by himself, exposing his muscular torso one button at a time. Upon realizing what he was doing, his boldness faded. He turned red and pulled back. "Sorry."

Ludwig's mouth hung open for a moment. "No need to apologize." He blinked away his shocked expression. Leaving his shirt hanging open, he looked at Feliciano. "You're still wearing my shirt."

He pinched the fabric of the oversized shirt. "Oh, do you mind?"

"No, I was just thinking…" Ludwig cleared his throat. "Maybe you'd like to change into something more comfortable."

_Oh._ Feliciano's face was getting warmer by the second. Still, he could think of nothing he wanted more. "I think I would like that."

Ludwig's hands were trembling when he undid the buttons on Feliciano's shirt. Neither of them knew where they were going with this, but Feliciano knew that it felt so, so right. Then he realized he was in his brother's room being undressed by another guy. "How about we go to my room?" He asked, hoping the change of scenery would help his fluster.

Ok, so maybe his bedroom wasn't the best place to go if he didn't want to be flustered. They stood there; shirts open, staring at each other. Without warning, Ludwig leaned over and kissed him. Feliciano could have melted. When he brought his hands to his shoulders and slid his shirt off, he could have died. Feeling his hands on his bare skin sent sparks across his skin, threatening to overtake his entire self. He hesitated before he did the same to Ludwig. Then he was closer, their chests now touching. His skin burned.

It felt amazing, but at the same time something was wrong. This was all happening so quickly; everything about it was so new. For one awful, gut-wrenching moment of madness, a terrible thought crossed Feliciano's mind. _This is wrong. This isn't natural. _The very thought was like a punch in the stomach. It caused his head to spin and his knees to feel weak. He broke the kiss and took a step back.

"Would it be okay…if we slowed down?" He asked. He crossed his arms over his chest, suddenly hyperaware of being half-naked.

Ludwig nodded quickly, the sleepy look on his face slowly transforming to fluster. "Yes, of course. I got carried away." He stammered, grabbing Lovino's shirt and pulling it over his head. Feliciano reached into a nearby drawer and did the same. "I apologize, Feliciano."

"No! No, it was nice, I-." Feliciano trailed off. What was there to say, really? Before he could finish, there was another boom of thunder. He gave up on finishing his thought. "Can we lay down?"

Ludwig's posture stiffened. "You want to lay down?"

"Unless you don't want to, I-"

"No, I do." Ludwig said and quickly added, "It's quite cold in here."

So he walked over, careful to bump into anything. He lifted the bed's covers and got in. Feliciano felt dizzy seeing Ludwig lying in his bed, waiting for him. He eventually followed, lying down right next to him. The cold didn't seem to affect him anymore. While the rain was still pouring down, it became less noticeable. The thunder and lightning was becoming more distant, less powerful. Even if they had been in the middle of a tsunami, he had Ludwig. As long as that was true, everything would be okay. He sighed in to darkness, the fear forgotten. Before Feliciano could lose himself completely, he remembered he had a question to ask.

"Ludwig? Are…" He paused, searching for the right words. "Are we dating?"

Even in the pitch-black darkness, it was clear Ludwig was blushing. "What do you think, Feliciano?"

"Well, I don't know! I don't know much about dating. I know people who are dating kiss and hold hands and call each other silly pet names and we do all of that. Maybe not the pet names, but it feels like we're dating!"

Ludwig hesitated. "Well, I…that settles it then, does it not?"

Feliciano's mind went back to movies he had seen. "But isn't one of us supposed to ask the other out? Like, make it official?"

Ludwig let out a short, quiet laugh that was more of a sigh. "Is that so?"

"I think so!"

Ludwig grabbed Feliciano's hand. "That can be arranged." He said. "Will you be my boyfriend, Feliciano?"

The feeling he got from hearing those words from Ludwig was better than any drug he could imagine. Feliciano's entire body came alive, joy reaching every cell like an electrical current. Finally, everything had made sense. All those emotions, all that pain, all that confusion was only paving the way for this very moment.

All his life he had waited for something like this. Not specifically for romantic love, but for someone he couldn't picture going one day without. Lovino and his Grandfather fit into that category, sure, but he wanted someone that chose him. Someone he had feelings for beyond a family bond, someone he would build a relationship with from the ground up.

"Yes, Ludwig!" He said finally. "I couldn't imagine anything better."

"Then it's settled, I suppose."

They kissed again, innocently and gently. When they stopped, Feliciano laid his head on Ludwig's chest, comforted by the rhythm of his heart. They fell asleep like that, listening to the sound of each other's breathing. Nothing could possibly make it anymore perfect. If there was a heaven, he couldn't imagine it being much better than this.

That night, Feliciano had a dream about the boy from his childhood. He dreamt he was a child again, running towards him in a field in Italy. The boy's face was hard to make out, his features blurred. Feliciano kept running, running towards the figure; but he never made it to him. The field seemed to stretch on forever, the boy growing more and more distant. After what seemed like an eternity, Feliciano was nearly close enough to reach out and grab his hand. But when he did, the boy faded away.

His eyes shot open. That was weird, he barely ever thought about that boy anymore. He had meant so much to him when they were children, but most of their time together had completely faded from his memories. All that was left was the occasional random flashback, consisting of a small snippet of some trivial moment. Feliciano was puzzled by the dream and wanted nothing more than to at least think it over. Still, his eyelids were heavy; Ludwig's steady breathing next to him acting as a lullaby. Feliciano resigned, closed his eyes again and surrendered to sleep.

.

When Feliciano opened his eyes the next morning, it was hard to believe there had ever been a storm. The power was back on. The sun shined brightly through his bedroom windows and birds were chirping in the distance. Leftover water droplets ran down the glass, slowly evaporating in the light. Remnants of his dream were scattered in his thoughts, but the majority of the dream as well as his feelings towards it had been forgotten.

Ludwig was still sleeping. His arm was partially around Feliciano, who had woken up facedown with half his torso on Ludwig's chest. He smiled, rolled off of him, and landed on the bed with a plop. He reached over to him and lightly jostled his shoulder. "Wake up, Ludwig." He said quietly. "It's time to get ready for school."

His blue eyes slowly opened. Pushing his loose hair back where it belonged, he smiled. "Good morning, Feli."

Feliciano tilted his head. Only his grandfather and Lovino had ever called him that. "Feli?"

"You said something about silly pet names, right?" Ludwig yawned. Then he started to really wake up, the look in his eyes suggesting he was becoming more aware of himself. "Unless you don't like it." He said, looking away.  
Feliciano ruffled his hair. "I love it!"

They got ready for school like a married couple would get ready for work. Tangled up in each other trying to use the mirror to brush their teeth, play fighting over who got to use the shower first, laughing and talking over breakfast, it was a domestic fairy tale. Ludwig moved about less rigidly. He walked around Feliciano's house as if it were his own, his movements fluid and effortless.

"I think it's about time I knew your birthday." Ludwig said shorty before they left. "I cannot believe I didn't ask earlier."

"It's March Seventeenth! That's…" Feliciano thought for a moment. "Three weeks from today, actually!"

"We will have to celebrate." He said, smiling ever so slightly. "Mine was back in October, on the third."

"I won't forget!" Feliciano said, making a mental note of the important date. "I promise!"

"I never believed you would." He said. "Now let's go, we'll be late."

Feliciano had never been so excited for his birthday.

.

Lovino was confused.

His brother Feliciano was acting weird, weirder than he normally did. Maybe he wasn't talking to him enough. Maybe it was too much. Either way, it didn't take a genius to figure out that something was up. When he spoke to him, he never seemed to have anything to report. Even though what he did tell him was the very definition of mundane, he always sounded way too excited when he talked about it. On top of that, he kept asking him bizarre "hypothetical questions." He was used to his brother being a bit eccentric. He always had been. This was something new, however.

_That kid is definitely hiding something. _Lovino thought and he stood outside of the dorm building. He was smoking, a habit he had picked up shortly after he left home. He blamed his roommate, the Spanish bastard. _But what could he possibly be up to? _

Lovino was determined to get to the bottom of this. After all, he really didn't have much of a choice. Grandpa Roma had been very serious when he told him to take care of Feliciano when he went back to Italy. Feliciano was the baby of the family, despite the fact that he was a mere two years younger than Lovino. As the older one, the need to care for him was engraved in his soul.

"_Hola _Lovino!" A voice exclaimed.

Lovino sighed and rolled his eyes. There was no mistaking that voice. An olive skinned man was running towards him, his dark brown hair blowing in the wind. He was older than Lovino, having started college later in life. "What do you want, Antonio?"

"What, I can't even say hello to my own roommate?" Antonio leaned against the wall next to him. "You look concerned. Tell me, what is on your mind?"

Lovino took a drag of his cigarette. Usually, he would hesitate to tell Antonio anything personal. But now, the idiot was his only option. He sighed in resignation. "My brother is acting weird. I'm trying to figure out why."

"Is that so? How is he acting?"

"I don't know. Overly excited. Asking weird questions." He sighed, exhaling a cloud of smoke. "I really don't think he's old enough to live alone, not to mention he's nowhere near mature enough. But there's no changing that now, and all I can do is call him."

Antonio nodded. "_Si, si. _I'm sure he's fine. You have told me about your brother, yes? You say he is a talkative one. Don't you think he would tell you if something was wrong?"

"I guess." Lovino stared into the distance. Feliciano was always a chatty one; that much was true. He didn't have much of a filter, either. If he thought something, he said it. Even so, Lovino couldn't remember a single time that he brought a friend home.

Antonio placed his hand on Lovino's shoulder. God, he was touchy. Why did he always have to be touching him? "You'll see him soon, Lovino. Even if you won't admit it to me, I know you miss him."

Antonio was right. Lovino did miss Feliciano. He missed him a whole awful lot. He missed the way he always found a way to cheer him up when he was upset, he missed his constant good mood, he even missed the way he was always humming some annoying tune. Still, he wasn't about to spill all of these sentiments to Antonio. The way Lovino saw it; his feelings were personal. This was the opposite for Feliciano, who preferred to wear his feelings on his sleeve.

Lovino pushed his feelings to the very back of his mind where they belonged. "Don't you have a class or something?"

Antonio's smile didn't budge. "Not for two hours."

"Of course it's not for two hours. Always time to bug me, right?" said Lovino.

Antonio threw his arm around him. "Don't be a brat. Come on, do you really just want to stand around here? How about we get some coffee?"

Lovino shrugged his shoulders in an attempt to get his arm off of him. "Later. I'm going to give Feliciano a call. I want to see if I can figure this out."

Antonio nodded. "I understand. _Adios._"

When his roommate walked away, Lovino pulled his phone out of his pocket. Usually, he waited until Feliciano called him. This time he decided not to bother waiting. He checked the time. It was past three, so he should be home from school by now. He was surprised when Feliciano didn't answer until the fourth ring.

_"__Pronto." _

"Feliciano, it's me."

"Lovino! You never call me first! What made you decide to call me?" Feliciano's voice was filled with excitement.

Lovino drew his lips into a thing thin before speaking. "There's actually something I want to talk to you about."

"Oh? What is it?"

There was no point in beating around the bush. "You've been acting weird, Feliciano." He said. "Is there anything you want to tell me?"

Feliciano didn't say anything for a few moments. "Why do you think I'm acting weird? I don't think I'm acting weird, I think I'm acting normal!"

Lovino pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes. This wasn't going to be easy. "Look, there's definitely something going on. You're so hyper lately."

"I'm always hyper!"

"I know. Believe me, I know. But you've been way more hyper recently." Lovino was trying and failing to find the right words. There really wasn't a way to describe how he'd changed, he just had. "Maybe not hyper. You've been…I don't know, Feliciano. You've been different."

"Nothing is different, Lovino." Feliciano said. Then he laughed. That was a clear sign this wasn't the honest truth. "I would tell you if something important happened!"

Lovino sighed. This was a wild goose chase. Feliciano was just as stubborn as he was energetic. If he didn't want to tell you something you could be damn sure he wasn't going to tell you. "I don't believe you, but whatever."

"Oh no, Lovino, are you mad?" asked Feliciano. "Please don't be mad! I'm sorry!"

The sadness in his voice was heartbreaking. Lovino sighed. "No, no. I'm not mad, just concerned for my little brother." He said. "You can tell me if something is wrong, alright? I'm your brother. It's my job."

"Ok, _fratellone!_" He said. "I promise!"

If something happened to Feliciano and Lovino wasn't aware, their grandfather would murder him. He'd held onto the boys like an iron vice since their mother died. The brothers had lived with their grandfather their entire lives, making do with their little makeshift family. Lovino had more memories of their mother than Feliciano, since Lovino had been two when she passed. These memories weren't reliable due to his age, but they were something.

"Alright, Feliciano. So how are you doing?"

"I'm doing wonderful! Everything is amazing!"

There he went again. It was great that everything was wonderful, but what was he getting himself into that made that true? "Really? What's going on?" asked Lovino.

"Well, nothing, but it's still really great!"

Lovino fought the urge to slam his head into the brick wall. "See? This is what I mean. You're so damn excited! You expect me to believe it's just for no reason?"

"Is happiness a crime now?" Feliciano said, his voice growing less excited. "I thought you'd be happy for me."

If there was one thing Feliciano was good at, it was pulling at his brother's heartstrings. How could he not with his sweet voice, innocent eyes and childlike sense of wonder? Even though Lovino was only two years older, he sometimes felt as if he was decades his brother's senior. He softened. Even if he was acting weird, it wasn't worth fighting over. "I'm sorry, Feli. I am happy for you. Just be careful."

"Yes sir!"

Lovino couldn't help but smile. "You're calling me 'sir' now? Come on, that's for grandpa."

"Oh well. How's college?"

"It's the same. Lots of studying, plenty of late nights." He said. He thought back to all the tests he should be studying for and grimaced. "How's school for you? Your grades better be good."

"Straight A's! Actually, no, I have two B's." Feliciano said.

"Great." Lovino smiled slightly. "I'm going to go now. Be careful _fratellino."_

"Right! I love you!"

"Yeah, same to you." Lovino felt suddenly uncomfortable. He did love his brother, but he'd never been one to say it. "Uh, bye then."

He hung up the phone and sighed. Feliciano was probably fine. Why wouldn't he be fine? Please god, let him be fine. He wished he could go visit him, but he needed to do well in college. Lovino remembered what his grandfather had told him when he left. The night before he'd gotten in the car and driven eight hours to this college, his grandfather had grabbed him by the shoulders and said "Do well, little one. It may be too late for my education, but I'll be damned if I let that stop you."

Roma's education had been cut short when he had their mother young. He was an honorable man who stayed by her side, something that couldn't be said about the man his daughter had chosen. He'd bolted the second she'd gotten pregnant for the second time. That filthy drunk, no one in the family had a single good thing to say about him. Lovino's memories of his father were faint, but in every single one he was either yelling or drinking. He was actually glad when he walked out.

As if sacrificing his education wasn't enough, their grandfather also had to abandon his art. He hadn't had the time. Raising a baby and toddler on his own left him swamped, his wife having passed due to illness. As time went on, he was thrilled that Feliciano had gotten that artistic gene. Lovino couldn't help but be jealous as he gushed over his paintings; always having a sneaking suspicion that his brother was Roma's favorite.

Eventually, Lovino matured. His jealously gave way to sympathy. He felt awful for his grandfather, having lost so much. He did the best he could to lighten his load, watching over Feliciano when he couldn't. At the same time, he had never looked up to anyone more. One day he wanted to be just as honorable, just as good of a man. Even if he couldn't live up to all he'd done, the very least he could do was prove his investment in his tuition was worth it. Still, his concern for Feliciano only grew by the day.

His train of thought was cut short when Antonio shoved a paper coffee cup in his hand. "I got you a cappuccino." He said and lit a cigarette. "How did the phone call go?"

Lovino thanked him, albeit grudgingly. "Dead end. He's not telling me anything."

Antonio took a sip of his own coffee. "Ah, he's at that age."

Lovino tossed his now unlit cigarette on the ground in front him before stomping it into oblivion. "Feliciano isn't a typical angst-filled teenager. He's always told me everything!"

"Getting angry won't solve anything. Think, what kind of thing would he not be comfortable talking to you about?"

Lovino paused. That was a good question, but nothing came to mind immediately. Feliciano wasn't one to hide things. Usually, he told Lovino everything and anything that popped into his head. If there was something so catastrophic that he couldn't tell him, Lovino wasn't sure if he wanted to know. "I'm not sure." He mumbled.

Antonio grinned. "Maybe he is seeing someone."

"Yeah, right. Feliciano never talks about girls. He's way too eccentric for them."

"Who says it has to be a girl?"

Lovino almost stopped breathing. Could Feliciano really be doing something like that? Then he came to his senses and laughed, feeling silly that he almost considered the possibility. "I think you're reaching, Antonio. If Feliciano was…into that, don't you think I'd know by now?"

Antonio shrugged. "You can never be sure. Love doesn't always play by the rules we set for ourselves."

"He is NOT seeing anyone!"

Antonio threw his hand up in defeat. "I'm only trying to help."

Lovino sucked in his cheeks. This was just like him, sticking his nose where it didn't belong. "Well you're not helping, bastard."

Amused by Lovino's outburst, he laughed. Lovino's blood boiled. This wasn't funny. Nothing about this was funny. With clenched teeth, he checked the time and sighed. "I have to go to class." He spat the words.

Antonio grabbed his arm before he had the chance to walk away. "Try not to be too upset. It'll work out." He said.

"Fine. Go study or something, you're too old to be in college. You don't want to fail another year." Lovino ripped his arm from his grasp, confused why he suddenly felt warmer. "Why do you think you know so much about love, anyway? Is it that Spanish passion or something?"

Antonio only smiled. If only he knew.

* * *

_To be continued..._


	10. Chapter 10

After fourth hour the following day, Ludwig didn't show up at Feliciano's classroom. He was sure he didn't simply miss him, Feliciano made sure to look around several times. He even waited for a few moments, giving up after a full minute had passed. This was the first time since they'd met that Ludwig didn't show up immediately. Feliciano began to get nervous. The reason Ludwig walked him to class was for protection, so having him not there made him feel as if he was walking to his death.

_What could happen in five minutes? _Thought Feliciano, glancing around with ever-present paranoia as he made his way to his next class. Nothing had happened to him in a little over a week. That was a record-long streak he didn't want to break.

Two minutes into the passing period had passed and everything was fine, so far. Feliciano could feel himself growing faint from the anxiety. It didn't seem fair. Was being able to walk around without fear some kind of unobtainable luxury? Where was Ludwig, was he mad at him? Even worse, had something happened to him? The thoughts buzzed in this mind like mosquitos, refusing to leave him alone.

Feliciano adjusted the position of his arms in the struggle to hold all of his books. He had skipped going to his locker, bad things always seem to happen at his locker. But these books were so heavy, why on earth did they have to be so heavy? He looked down at them, lost in his own personal gripes. He only looked up when he felt himself run into something.

"Watch where you're going, idiot!" A voice exclaimed. That something had turned out to be a some_one_; a very large, angry looking someone.

Feliciano took a step back and nearly lost his footing. "Oh! Sorry, I was just-"

His apology was cut off when the person slammed his hand into his books, knocking them out of Feliciano's arms and onto the floor. This unexpected force caused Feliciano himself to fall down with them. There was a burst of laughter. Feliciano turned scarlet and his heartbeat filled his ears. He gathered his books up as quickly as possible and dropped a few again in the process.

All of the eyes on his felt like laser beams that ridiculed his every move. A series of insults from various people were slung at him like knifes. He flinched when someone in the slowly growing crowd around him hit him with a wadded up paper. Anxiety and humiliation rose in his chest as tears threatened to spill out of his eyes. Taking great care not to lose his grip on the books again, he quickly got up and ran to his classroom. The laughter continued on behind him.

As naïve as it probably was, Feliciano was really starting to believe that all of this was behind him. Even though the incident was not as ugly as it could have been, it served as a rude awakening for a couple of things. One, without Ludwig there to protect him he was powerless; and two, he still walked around with a target on his back. He couldn't decide which of the two upset him more. Feliciano laid his head on his desk in defeat. He made a mental note not to tell Ludwig about this.

He spent the rest of the class period lying on his desk, barely moving and not even really thinking. He knew it was unreasonable to expect Ludwig to be there for him all the time, but he couldn't help but wonder where he was. Feliciano hoped he hadn't somehow angered him. That was the last thing he needed. At least it was time for lunch soon, which was something he could take comfort in. He left the classroom the second the bell rang and was only half-surprised when he smacked right into Ludwig.

"Feliciano, I apologize. I was finishing a test and couldn't get to you on time. Did anything happen?"

"Nope! Nothing!" Feliciano said, smiling. Maybe he was getting better at lying, he had been doing it a lot lately.

Ludwig looked at him suspiciously, but appeared to shrug it off. "Alright. Are you ready for lunch?"

Instead of responding Feliciano grasped Ludwig's hand. He craved the contact more than anything. Ludwig looked at him as if he had grown a second head. "We're in school, Feliciano. Aren't you worried?" He whispered quickly as they fast-walked away from the crowd.

"No, Ludwig. I'm not worried." He said. "What more could they possibly do to me?" He gripped his hand tighter, not caring what the consequences might be. He felt manic, impulsive. If he was going to get beaten or harassed anyway, he was sure as hell going to make it worth the pain.

They hurried out of the crowd. If anyone was staring, Feliciano didn't care. They slipped out the back entrance not far from the classroom. Finally, they were alone. His emotions completely taking over, Feliciano stood on the balls of his feet and kissed him. He didn't care that they were inches away from the school.

"What are you doing?" Ludwig exclaimed, taking a step back.

His words stung. Feliciano's burst of confidence fading; he dropped his head and looked at the ground. Ludwig grabbed his forearm and pulled him gently away from the building until they had made their way to their usual spot.

"I didn't mean to upset you, Feliciano. But you must realize we're at school, this kind of thing can be dangerous." He said, looking at him apologetically.

"Why can no one do anything around here?" Exclaimed Feliciano, throwing his arms in the air. "It's like a prison or something!"

Feliciano was feeling something he rarely ever felt. His blood boiled as his heart rate sped up to an unpleasant pace. His face was flushed, his jaw clenched uncomfortably. He was sick of this, sick of everything. Walking around in constant fear wasn't anyway to live. Feliciano sighed and willed himself to calm down. Ludwig could only watch in horror. Then, Feliciano broke. He threw his arms around Ludwig and pulled him close with shaking breath.

"What's wrong, Feli?" asked Ludwig gently. "What brought all of this on?"

Feliciano took a deep breath. "I'm just tired. Very, very tired."

Ludwig looked at him with suspicion. His suspicion soon turned to obvious worry as he looked at Feliciano, who was holding onto him like his life depended on it. He placed his hand on his head and ruffled his hair.

"Everything is okay. I'm here." Ludwig said. A million questions sat evidently behind his eyes, but he didn't say anything. "Let's sit. You'll feel better if you eat something." He continued.

Feliciano broke the embrace reluctantly and lowered himself to the ground. He tried to tell himself everything was okay, but deep down he knew that it really wasn't. After a couple minutes of eating in silence, he decided to speak up.

"What did you do when people were picking on you?" He asked as he played with the grass. "Like, how did you deal with it?"

Ludwig stopped eating and sat still as a stone, eyes fixed on something in the distance. His jaw clenched in the unmistakable way. "I told myself that it wasn't going to be forever." He said. "I also focused on the things that were going right in my life instead of all the things that were going wrong."

Feliciano nodded. That was what he did; it only made sense. "Did you ever fight back?" He asked.

Ludwig shook his head. "No. Well, that isn't completely true. I did fight back. Once." The corner of his mouth twitched ever so slightly.

"What happened?"

"Remember when I told you I once had a concussion?"

Feliciano's stomach tightened. That wasn't a pleasant mental image. He felt a sudden wave of guilt, feeling badly that he brought up the sensitive subject. He ripped a handful of grass from the ground and let it fall to keep his hands busy. The grass was soon replaced by Ludwig's hand grasping his.

"Don't worry about it. The past is the past." He squeezed Feliciano's hand once. Then he sighed, still staring into the distance. "Besides, in the end it brought me to you."

Feliciano was hit with the sudden realization and the rest of the world fell away. The air around him froze. His mind filled with flashbacks as he considered the notion. Was that really true? If it wasn't for Ludwig having being bullied, would he not of stopped to help that day? If Feliciano hadn't been jumped, would he never have met him at all? The possibility was mind-boggling. All of that pain and suffering could have been the very things that lead to his happiness. For the first time in what felt like forever, Feliciano smiled.

"Maybe sometimes the most beautiful things come from a tragedy." Feliciano was shocked as soon as the words left his mouth. It sounded like something out of a poem.

Ludwig chuckled slightly and grinned. "You're right, Feli." He said. "You are absolutely right."

Feliciano leaned against Ludwig and rested his head on his shoulder. When he was with him, nothing else seemed to matter. Everything simply fell into place and his worries felt irrelevant. Ludwig had become his rock to hold onto when he was being swept away be the current. He was someone he could always count on being there.

"_Te amo, _Ludwig." He said with a sigh.

_"__Ich Liebe Dich, _Feliciano."

Somehow, they understood each other.

Near the end of lunch, Ludwig broke the comfortable silence. "Would you like to come over today after class?" He asked.

Feliciano nodded immediately. "Yes, of course! Any reason why?"

"I would like to spend time with you." He said with a shrug. "Plus, Gilbert keeps bugging me about when you're going to come over again. He seems to really like you."

A bubbling feeling a joy rose in Feliciano's chest. The fact that Gilbert liked him already was a terrific sign. Heaven forbid Ludwig's brother dislike the person he loved, it would be catastrophic. He was excited to visit again, but that house contained so many emotions for him. The last time he was there, he walked in with confused emotions and walked out with a relationship. God only knows what would happen this time.

"Ok, Ludwig! I'm looking forward to it." He said.

Ludwig nodded. "Excellent." He checked his watch and frowned, like always. "It's about time to go in."

"Before we go back…can you…" Feliciano mumbled, looking away as he trailed off.

He was cut off when Ludwig pressed his mouth against his and effectively knocked the air from his lungs. They were away from everyone else now, safe in their secret utopia. Love wasn't dangerous here. Everything in the universe felt perfectly in place. Ludwig's presence made the sky seem a little bit bluer and the sun shine a little brighter. Feliciano sighed why they reluctantly pulled apart.

Ludwig's cheeks were lightly flushed. "Don't be upset, Feliciano. There will be plenty of time this afternoon."

Feliciano nodded and walked with Ludwig towards the building, his bad mood nothing more than a distant memory.

.

The carefree mood didn't last long. The car right over to Ludwig's house was unusually silent. Ludwig appeared to be lost in thought, his lips pressed into a tight line. His hands gripped the steering wheel like his life depended on it. Feliciano stared at him, unsure what could have brought on the sudden mood swing. "Everything alright?" He asked.

"Yes." He said almost too quickly, his eyes unmoving.

"Don't tell me you have something else to show me," said Feliciano jokingly. Surely his life wouldn't change every time he went to his house, right? He wasn't so sure when instead of giving an immediate response Ludwig hesitated. Feliciano's eyes widened. "You do, don't you?"

"No, not exactly." He said. "It's more that I wanted to prove something to you."

Feliciano wondered what on earth he could mean by that. Ludwig had a habit of being way too vague, which at times made him very hard to understand. He couldn't imagine what Ludwig would possibly have to prove to him, he had already done so much.

"What do you mean?" He asked.

"You'll see."

The rest of the car ride passed with Feliciano pondering the statement. The air in the car was unmoving and tense, neither of them saying a word. When he walked through the door of Ludwig's house, Gilbert met him almost before he had time to get inside. As per the usual, he was grinning manically.

"Feliciano! He brought you back!" He exclaimed. "Not sick of him yet?" He pointed his thumb at Ludwig.

Feliciano laughed and shook his head. His antics were refreshing. He wondered what it would be like if Lovino was more like Gilbert, wild and eccentric instead of aloof and serious. He immediately dismissed the idea. It was far too strange. He looked to Ludwig, who was standing by the door even more tensely than usual. He had completely ignored Gilbert's comment.

"Are you okay, Ludwig?" Feliciano asked for the second time.

He seemed to snap out of a daze. "Fine."

Gilbert narrowed his eyes dramatically and stared directly at his brother. "You're even weirder than usual. What's up?" He began to poke his cheek repeatedly like a child would. At least Feliciano knew he wasn't imagining things.

Swatting his hand away, Ludwig shook his head. "What are you talking about?" His eyes were fixed on the wall behind them. He didn't seem to be looking directly at anything at all. It was as if he was staring through it.

Gilbert rolled his eyes. "Feliciano, he's broken."

Feliciano opened his mouth to speak only to be cut off by Ludwig. "No, Gilbert, I actually wanted to talk to you." He said. "Now."

Feliciano turned to him quickly. "Do you want me to leave? I could go upstairs." He grew more and more confused with every second that passed. Why would Ludwig invite him over if he needed to speak with his brother?

"No, this includes you too." He said. "Let's all go sit down."

"What do you want, Ludwig?" Gilbert whined. "This is stupid! If you want to tell me something just say it already!"

"This is important!" Ludwig nearly shouted.

Feliciano tugged at Ludwig's sleeve. "What's going on? Did I do something, Ludwig? I really hope I didn't do something!"

His blue eyes narrowed. Ludwig sighed heavily and brought his hand to his forehead. He looked as if he was about to explode. Feliciano stared at him helplessly, his eyes darting around the room for some type of unspoken clue. His pulse quickened in the midst of the uncertainty. Gilbert was still grinning. He seemed amused by his brother's irritation.

"Come on!" He said.

"FINE!" Ludwig shouted, throwing his hands in the hair. Feliciano recoiled. This was strange, the entire situation did nothing but confuse him. Ludwig took a deep breath and closed his eyes. When he opened them, he seemed calmer. Gilbert and Feliciano both stopped speaking, even stopped moving. They waited for him to continue with complete stillness.

Ludwig hesitated. "Gilbert, I have something to tell you concerning Feliciano." He said slowly.

Feliciano inhaled sharply. His chest leapt at the words. He hadn't expected the conversation to have anything to do with him. He looked to Ludwig questioningly, lips parted as if to say something but remaining silent. Ludwig looked at him and nodded, as if to say 'it's okay.' It took everything Feliciano had to not hold his breath in suspense.

"What about him?" Gilbert said, his lip curling upwards slightly. "You're confusing me."

Ludwig fixed his hair again, more haphazardly this time. "If you would only listen to me for a moment…"

"Spit it out already!"

"Feliciano and I aren't simply friends!" His words were wild and hurried. Feliciano froze. What was going on? Before continuing, Ludwig sighed heavily. "It might seem a little strange to you, but we are…together." He said finally, barely breathing the word.

Feliciano forgot how to breathe. That's what he had meant by proving something to him; his simple comment about not telling his brother had stuck with him. He really did care, the way he hung onto Feliciano's every word really did mean something. After the initial sentimental feelings, Feliciano found that he was filled with fear. The room had grown uncomfortably quiet, the words hanging in the air threateningly. What if Gilbert didn't approve? What if he got angry and threw him out of the house, what if he-

Gilbert didn't miss a beat. He said nothing for a split second, and then laughed. He laughed like he would never laugh again, the room filled with the bizarre chuckle of his. The tension between them shattered. Feliciano gaped at him, his mind going blank. He and Ludwig could do nothing but stand there in stunned silence, not entirely sure what to make of what was happening in front of them. Gilbert only continued to laugh with such intensity it was borderline psychotic. Ludwig clenched his jaw before finally speaking.

"What on earth is so funny? This isn't a joke! I'm serious, Gilbert!"

"Is that was all the fuss is about? I already knew, idiot!" He exclaimed and then laughed again, clutching his stomach.

"What do you mean you knew?" Ludwig asked, eyes wide.

"Remember when you had Feliciano over last time? Yeah, I was outside your door for like, half of that conversation." He said, grinning arrogantly.

Ludwig's eyes widened dramatically, his gaze locked on his brother. He looked like a ticking time bomb that would go off at any moment. "_Arschloch!" _He hollered, swinging his fist in the air above them. Even though Feliciano spoke no German, it didn't take fluency to know that he had cursed at him. "You had no right to hear that! That was private!"

Gilbert's grin remained intact. "Aw, come on Ludwig. It's nothing to be embarrassed about. Plus I'm your big brother! Isn't it my job to know what my baby brother is up to?" He asked, still chuckling. He took a deep breath and wiped a tear from his eye. Finally, he calmed down. "Have fun, you two."

Finally, it was Feliciano's turn to speak. "That's all you're going to say?" He was amazed. He didn't expect anyone to be all that accepting, let alone someone as arrogant and seemingly judgmental as Gilbert. He supposed his had misjudged him. His chest swelled with joy. Finally, there was one less thing to worry about. Feliciano smiled uncontrollably, fighting with himself to not cry out in celebration.

"Nah. Whatever a guy likes is his own business. Plus I like you, Feliciano! I think you're good for him. Get him to lighten up a bit, will ya?" He said, elbowing Ludwig gently in the side.

Ludwig finally cracked a small smile, exhaling in relief. "At least that's out of the way." He said. He turned to Feliciano. "I only wanted to prove to you that I was sure."

Feliciano's mouth fell open. He had risked the acceptance of his brother just to prove something he had asked on a whim. He felt a sudden surge of guilt for putting him in that position, for questioning him in the first place. When he could think of nothing to say, he threw his arms around Ludwig's torso. He didn't care that Gilbert was just a few feet away.

"Isn't that cute." He said mockingly. When Ludwig shot him an irritated glance, he only smirked. "Well, I'm going out. Don't wait up." With that, he grabbed his wallet and phone off the kitchen table and walked out the front door, just like that.

Ludwig smiled. "That went much better than I had anticipated." He said. "Do you believe me now?"

Feliciano frowned. "Of course I do! I never really doubted you!" He exclaimed. His cheeks burned, embarrassed that he came across as untrusting. His doubt had been completely erased in the weeks they spent together. Each day they were together convinced him further that fate had brought them together, and there was no force in the universe strong enough to break them apart. Then, he realized something. Ludwig had told Gilbert, did that mean he needed to tell Lovino? The simple thought sent fear through his heart. Still, he owed it to him.

"Ludwig, should I tell my brother?" He asked. "You managed to tell Gilbert, that means I should do the same thing, right?"

He shook his head. "Don't be concerned about that. Do whatever you feel comfortable doing." He said. "There is no reason to rush."

Feliciano let out a sigh of relief. Even though he felt badly about it, he just wasn't ready to tell Lovino. "Thank you." He said.

Ludwig nodded. "Do you want to upstairs?" He asked, smiling slightly. His voice was warm and alluring, his eyes almost seductive. Feliciano's knees went weak. He froze, his eyes wide. Could he possibly mean-

Ludwig suddenly turned pink, his suave demeanor diminishing. "That…came out wrong." He stammered.

Feliciano laughed. "Come on, Ludwig." He said. He took him by the hand and led him up the steps.

Just minutes later, they were sitting on Ludwig's bed. They weren't doing anything, not even really talking. Feliciano didn't mind. It comforted him just to be with him. What was surprising is they could go long stretches of time without talking without it being awkward, Feliciano felt no urge to fill the time with meaningless small talk. Ludwig had put a CD in the stereo, so they were simply sitting there listening to the soft rock.

"What do you want to do for your birthday, Feli?" Ludwig asked, breaking Feliciano out of his daze. It was only then that he remembered his birthday was only a couple of weeks away now. He thought for a brief moment, and only one thing kept coming to mind.

"I want to spend it with you."

Ludwig grinned slightly. "I think that's a given. Isn't there anything special you'd like to do?"

"Can we eat pasta?"

Ludwig laughed out loud, the sound music to Feliciano's ears. "It wouldn't be much of a birthday without it, now would it?"

"This will be my first birthday party, if you can call it that." Feliciano said, tipping his head back. "I never had enough people to invite when I was a kid!"

"It was the same in my situation. And I've never really been one for parties." He said. "Crowds are not something I'm a fan of. Gilbert, on the other hand, throws huge parties for his birthday."

Feliciano didn't doubt that for a second. He imaged what kind of chaos Gilbert would stir up on his birthday. He couldn't decide if it would be a lot of fun or a completely terrifying experience. Lovino was never a big partier either, so his birthdays always consisted of a small gathering of his closest friends. During these gatherings, Feliciano usually stayed in his room.

"Of course, there's the question of what to get you." Ludwig said, rubbing his chin in contemplation.

The words surprised Feliciano even though he felt he should have expected them. "You don't have to get me anything! It's enough to just spend time with you." What he said was the absolute truth, he really didn't care if he was given a present or not. Being with Ludwig was the best present he ever could have received.

"Nonsense, of course I'll be getting you something."

Feliciano smiled at the floor, feeling shy yet amazingly happy. It wasn't that Ludwig would be giving him a material object; it was that he cared enough to do so. Still, he couldn't help but be curious and maybe a little bit excited about what it would end up being. He took Ludwig's hand in his own, tracing the thin lines on his palm.

For a moment, no one said anything. The radio played on, the soft-rock song filling the empty spaces in the room. Feliciano found himself inching closer to Ludwig, close enough that their legs were touching. Despite the calming atmosphere, his heart was beating out of his chest.

Feliciano knew what people did when they were in relationships, but that's where his knowledge of physical affection ended. But now that he was sitting on a bed, alone with Ludwig, he was suddenly painfully aware of his surroundings. His head was spinning with questions. Was this the time to do something? Should he just wait? This was all terribly confusing. When Feliciano looked at Ludwig, his eyes were fixed on the floor.

"Ludwig?"

"Yes, Feliciano?"

"Is something wrong?"

Ludwig cleared his throat. "I was just thinking." He started, adjusting his hair yet again. "I don't want to make a wrong move."

Feliciano was confused. He tilted his head slightly to the side and stared at him. "I'm not sure I get it." He said "What kind of wrong move?"

He shook his head. "Nothing. I mean, never mind."

This didn't satisfy Feliciano. Surely he had to have meant something by that; Ludwig wasn't the kind of person to just blurt things out that he didn't mean. "Come on, tell me!" He said. He clung to Ludwig's arm playfully, rocking back and forth.

He sighed. "A couple weeks ago, when you said you wanted to slow down? That's fine, of course, but I don't want to make you uncomfortable again."

_Oh. _If Feliciano wasn't amazed before, he definitely was now. Ludwig must have remembered every little comment, every petty complaint he had ever said around him. He was used to people tuning him out when he spoke; he couldn't count the number of times he had realized no one was listening halfway through a story he was telling. He found himself smiling even wider than before.

The happiness he felt was soon coupled with a flutter of anticipation and just a twinge of nerves. He realized that if Ludwig didn't want to take the lead here, he would have to. Feliciano couldn't decide if the idea excited him or scared him. No matter how tough Ludwig appeared on the outside, he was truly shy on the inside.

Feliciano became aware of how close they were. The area where their legs touched seemed to burn, but not unpleasantly. He felt a familiar shock shoot up his spine. The longing Feliciano had felt when they first met was manifesting itself differently, tugging at his body like a magnet. The difference was this time; he knew exactly what he wanted. Not allowing himself to overthink it any longer, Feliciano shifted his position so that he was sitting on Ludwig's lap, his legs resting somewhat awkwardly on the bed behind him.

Ludwig's eyes widened like a deer in headlights. "Feli, are you sure-"

Feliciano brought his finger to Ludwig's lips. "Shh."

He smiled, watching Ludwig's cheeks flush before he too grinned. Without another moment of hesitation, they kissed. Feliciano wrapped his legs loosely around him, pulling himself closer just slightly. Ludwig tentatively brought his arms behind Feliciano's back, embracing him. The contact was not outwardly passionate. There was no heavy breathing, moaning or clothes hitting the floor. It was a simple act of love.

This continued for a while. While there was less awkward nose bumping and nervous giggling, the moment maintained it's innocent beauty. Feliciano ran his hands through Ludwig's now-loose blonde hair, willing the strands to fall where they may. Ludwig held onto Feliciano's torso with a gentle firmness that said he was scared to break him but even more scared to let him go.

Ludwig broke the kiss for a brief moment and sighed against Feliciano's mouth.

His eyes were still closed. "I love you." He whispered.

Feliciano smiled. Seeing Ludwig breaking out of his shell right before his very eyes was nothing short of surreal. Part of him still believed that everything that had happened was nothing more than a wonderful, blissful dream. Even if it was a dream, even if it didn't last forever, Feliciano intended to hold onto every moment like it would be their very last.

He tapped Ludwig's nose out of silliness. "I love you too, Ludwig." He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. "Can you promise me one thing?"

He looked at him with kind eyes. "What would that be?" He asked. His voice was nearly a whisper.

"Promise me we'll have more moments just like this." Feliciano's emotions were threatening to pull him under the current, his desire to hold onto his rock only growing stronger. Never in his life had he felt happiness like this. At the same time, he had never felt anxiety like this. He saw their love as glass, something fragile that he might shatter with a false move. The last he wanted was the fall back under the water, back into the life he was living before.

Ludwig brought Feliciano's head closer to his and cupped his neck gently in his hand. "I promise." He whispered. "Don't worry."

Feliciano believed him, yet the dull ache of worry settled in his stomach refused to dissolve. He knew he was likely holding on too tight, loving too much, but he couldn't have it any other way. He reached out and hugged Ludwig, fearing that he himself would break.

* * *

_To be continued..._


	11. Chapter 11

It was just another day at lunch. Everything, in that moment, was perfectly calm. Feliciano's birthday was barely a week away. The sky was slightly overcast that day, although it didn't suggest rain. The cool air danced on Feliciano's skin and sent goose bumps across his bare arms. When the breeze picked up, he shifted his weight so that he was pressed into Ludwig's side. Ludwig looked unbothered by the cold. If anything, he looked distracted.

Ludwig spoke, and the calm Feliciano had been feeling turned to confusion. "Feliciano, do you remember telling me about a friend you had?" He asked. "The one during your childhood?"

Feliciano was slightly stunned by the sudden question. It felt like years had passed since he'd told Ludwig. He hardly remembered anything about his childhood friend. How could he, when it all happened such a long time ago? His memories of him were scattered and fuzzy. He even had a difficult time remembering his appearance…in all honesty; his _name_ wasn't even coming to him! All Feliciano remembered was how happy he was when they played together, and of course how devastated he was when he left. It seemed like the most painful memories were always the easiest to remember.

"Yes, of course! Why?" He said after some time.

Ludwig shrugged, an obvious attempt at being dismissive. "I was thinking about it the other day." He hesitated for a moment. "Why don't you tell me a bit about him?"

"Oh. Alright." Feliciano said slowly. He concentrated as hard as he could, willing himself to remember. In the end, he could only remember the most generic of details. "He was a nice boy! He seemed a little nervous sometimes, though…" He abruptly stopped speaking. Maybe he had been imagining it; but he did remember that when they were together, the boy seemed to be somewhat skittish. Still, he was incredibly nice to Feliciano. Nicer than anyone had ever been towards him.

"Is that all you remember?"

Feliciano wondered why Ludwig would even care. "It was a long time ago." He said slowly, carefully.

Ludwig furrowed his brow. Feliciano didn't really notice. He was too busy desperately trying to remember his childhood friend, the one that stalked his dreams and invaded his thoughts. Ludwig's interrogations prompted him to try and remember something, anything, no matter how long ago it had happened. It did not take long for him to grow frustrated with himself. This had been one of the happiest times of his life, why could he not remember it at all? What was even more aggravating is that he could remember almost every incident of people being cruel to him since childhood like it had happened yesterday. How was that fair? He got to relive all of his awful memories on a daily basis, but never any of the positive ones?

Ludwig unscrewed a bottle of water. "How about his appearance?" He sounded as if he was trying to sound casual, but his words ended up seeming almost frantic.

Feliciano closed his eyes, using every ounce of his concentration. It felt like his thoughts were stuck on a static channel on a radio. He knew that something significant was supposed to be there, so close he could nearly make it out, but it wasn't quite clear enough to be recognized. In a sudden moment of clarity, one fairly insignificant trait struck him like a bolt of lightning.

"I think he was…blonde! Yes! The boy had blonde hair!" He said triumphantly. The fact that he had managed to remember anything at all filled him with an inexplicable pride.

Ludwig stopped drinking mid-sip, but soon continued. He nodded. "I see. Anything else you remember?"

Surprised by how much Ludwig was pushing this issue, Feliciano dove back into his own thoughts, back into the static filled mess that meant so much to him at one time. If for whatever reason Ludwig really wanted to know, he would try his hardest to give him all the information he could. All of those dreams and random flashbacks had to mean something. He was sure of it.

The warm sun on his skin everyday came to mind. The weather in Italy was pleasant most of the year. The winters weren't harsh and the summers were mild. Feliciano remembered staring into the blue sky, his mind wandering into daydreams that kept him occupied for hours on end. His days were without fear, a concept he could hardly wrap his head around now.

He remembered sitting on rocks with Grandpa Roma and sketching the landscapes, getting praised for his creations. He remembered playing games with Lovino and eating wonderful Italian food. He remembered spending the days with his friend and looking forward to seeing him everyday. Then, Feliciano remembered something else. He remembered the feeling of his heart beating in his young chest; his face flushing for what seemed like no real reason, the aching loneliness when the boy went home for the day-

Oh. _Oh. _Feliciano' body went numb. How had he forgotten such an important detail? His chest tightened, his head spinning with this realization. After all these years, he finally had an explanation for what he felt. Had this been his preference all along? Was it just a coincidence? Did something like this even count? He was only a young child, after all.

Feliciano came back to reality. "I felt something special for him." He said quietly. Why was this making him feel so bad? It was over ten years ago. Part of his was disappointed that Ludwig wasn't in fact his first love. But could you really call it "love" at that age? He was only around five at that time. Surely that wasn't old enough, surely…

Ludwig nodded. "I see. I suppose that is normal." He said. "I think we've all experienced young love."

Did he have to use that word? Feliciano felt his chest tighten. If only he knew where the boy was now. It would even help if he just knew his name. Why couldn't he remember? Surely something as basic as that would stick in his head if his person were important to him. As if someone had flipped a switch, Feliciano began to feel silly. That chapter of his life was over, done with. Why was he getting so worked up about it?

Just when he thought he was done being distressed about the matter, another memory all but smacked Feliciano in the face. It came at him like an eagle descending from the sky, claws out and pointing towards him. It flashed into his mind clear as day, every detail perfectly in place. Why was this all happening at once? Feliciano didn't think he could handle all of this remembering. His pulse clogged his hearing, the air around him beginning to close in on him as if he was inside of a vacuum.

_How did I forget this? _He thought. _How, how, how, how… _The memory repeated itself over and over again, pounding into his thoughts like a jackhammer. Maybe he had repressed it. Maybe forgetting was his way to take away the pain when he left. Maybe he was hit too hard one day and it had impaired his memory. Feliciano reached for every possibility, weighing them against each other like his life depended on it. There had to be an explanation, something like this doesn't simply slip someone's mind. It was getting difficult to breathe. Feliciano felt like he was underwater. Everything was so clear now, the memory rushed into his mind like water out of a broken dam.

He could feel the tears that streamed down his face when the boy told him was leaving. He remembered how the wood of the push broom he had given him had felt. Giving him the broom was somewhat of a silly, childish gesture. He had always used the broom around the house to help out his grandpa; they had even met when he was in the middle of using it. Before the boy left, Feliciano had given it to him as something to remember him by.

Still, one detail stuck out over all the rest. He remembered the feeling of the boy's lips pressed against his, one last, desperate gesture before he had to go. When he was gone, Feliciano felt like there was a gaping hole where his heart had been, the worst grief he had ever felt as a young child. That had been his first kiss…all this time he thought his first had been with Ludwig.

"I just remembered something." Feliciano nearly whispered, his stomach tossing and turning like there was no tomorrow. "But I'm not sure if you really want to know."

Ludwig didn't even hesitate. "Of course I want to know."

Feliciano took a deep breath, shaking his head to disperse the mental fog that clouded his thoughts. "I…I kissed him." He wasn't sure of what he was saying; he hadn't even completely accepted it. "It was before he left; I can't believe I forgot about it!"

It was at that moment that Ludwig started to choke on the water he was drinking. He coughed and sputtered, taking short, spastic breaths. Feliciano panicked, reached behind him and hit Ludwig's back with a closed fist in an attempt to stop it. He repeated his gesture until Ludwig raised his hands in the air, waving them furiously. He began breathing normally again, took another sip of water and finally exhaled dramatically.

"Thanks." He said, regaining his composure. "I apologize. I was just a bit shocked."

Feliciano's eyes narrowed in apology. "I'm sorry. Are you mad at me?"

"Why on earth would I be mad at you?"

"Well, I thought you were my first kiss." He said, staring at the ground below them. "I just remembered this now! I promise I wasn't lying to you!"

Ludwig's lips switched into what was almost a smile, and he exhaled in a way that was almost a laugh. "It happened during your childhood, Feliciano. It would be awfully silly of me to be jealous." He said with a shrug. "There was someone I kissed as a child as well, though I didn't know that until recently. Gilbert informed me what happened not too long ago."

Feliciano eyes widened in surprise. He had never mentioned anything like that before. Even though he would never admit it, he felt a slight twinge of jealously from somewhere deep inside of him. He immediately felt silly. He was jealous over a child, for goodness sakes. "What was her name?"

"It was actually a boy." Ludwig said. "I guess some things never change."

Feliciano was taken aback. He had just assumed it was a girl, anyone would, right? This was getting a little bit too weird. He and Ludwig had lived nearly identical lives. Still, Feliciano felt like there was still so much he didn't know about him. What was the history behind him and his friend? Was it anything like Feliciano's story?

"What was he like?" He asked, twirling his unruly curl between his fingers.

Ludwig looked just a bit surprised. He paused for a moment. "Well, he was very kind and very feminine. I actually thought he was a girl at first. It wasn't until much later that I realized the truth." He sounded amused. Feliciano's heart warmed seeing him reminisce. "Seeing him always made my day a little better. Kind of like you." After the words left his mouth, he inhaled sharply as if he had shocked himself.

Feliciano tilted his head to the side. "Why did you want to know all of this?"

Ludwig's jaw clenched. "I was curious."

Feliciano didn't buy that for a second. He stuck out his bottom lip. "Come on, Ludwig! There has to be another reason!"

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Well, the other day I had a conversation with Gilbert." He said. "He told me some… interesting things about a friend I had as a child. Afterwards, I caught myself entertaining a very silly thought. I let my curiosity get the best of me."

This statement piqued Feliciano's interest. "I bet it's not silly! You can tell me, I'll listen. I promise!" He reached out and gripped Ludwig's hand in desperation.

Ludwig shook his head vehemently. "No, Feli, it's completely impossible. I don't want to get you excited over nothing."

Feliciano ignored Ludwig's reasoning. "Please?" Curiosity filled his blood, overtook his thoughts. "I want to know."

Ludwig pursed his lips and finally sighed. "You have to promise not to jump to conclusions." He said. "This is based off my unreliable memory and silly suspicion."

"I promise!" Feliciano was about ready to promise anything. He just wanted, no, _needed _to know.

Ludwig looked hesitant and spoke carefully. "Well, you've been telling me about this childhood friend for awhile. I couldn't help but notice parallels."

"Parallels?" Feliciano parroted. He didn't completely understand.

"When I was very young, I lived in Italy for awhile. My father had to be there for work." Ludwig said. "He was always working and Gilbert found things to do, so I was left to wander around. Eventually, I found someone to spend time with."

Feliciano forgot how to breathe. Surely, he could not be implying…

"I saw this person everyday. My memory is shaky, but I remember having a good time. Not only that…" Ludwig turned his head away. His cheeks were light pink. "Eventually, I developed feelings for this person. Like I said, I thought they were female due to their clothing. But when I figured out the truth, it didn't change anything. That was a surprise in itself…" He trailed off and shook his head when he realized he was veering off the topic.

Feliciano felt dizzy. If all this was a coincidence, it was definitely one hell of a coincidence. Out of all the places in the world, Ludwig had lived in Italy? Still, the whole thing just seemed way too unlikely. It was like a fairytale. Could he possibly mean what Feliciano was thinking? "Ludwig, are you trying to say…"

"Remember what I said. Do not jump to conclusions yet." He said it like he was delivering an order. "Anyway, my stay in Italy didn't last forever. After a few months, I had to leave."

Words left Feliciano. All he could do was gawk at him with his mouth partially open in a way that was almost cartoonish, waiting impatiently for him to finish this story. He must have been dreaming. That was the only explanation for something as unreal, as completely impossible as this.

"Naturally, the day I told him I was leaving we were both devastated. At that point I suspected that he returned my feelings, so I expressed them." He stopped speaking, sighed, and finished the thought in a weak mumble. "We kissed."

Feliciano's stomach twisted into fluttering knots. His skin burned through his body felt numb, his blood turned hot, and his heartbeat could be felt throughout his torso. Nothing else but Ludwig's words mattered. He felt the world crashing, exploding, burning down around him, all while a new one was built in its place. This couldn't be happening, it just couldn't be.

Ludwig sighed, sending Feliciano back to his senses. "I'm going to ask you a very bizarre question, Feliciano." He said. Feliciano only nodded, his heart beating so quickly he thought it was going to explode. The air had disappeared from his lungs.

"When this boy went away, did you happen to give him…some kind of broom?"

That was it. There was no other possible explanation, and this was not something he could have made up. Feliciano inhaled sharply, his eyes filling with tears before he had time to prevent them from spilling onto his cheeks. A powerful mix of emotions exploded inside of him. Confusion, doubt, disbelief- but most of all he felt an overwhelming, all-consuming surge of joy. The surge spread throughout his entire body, from the top of his head to the tips of his toes.

In that moment, Feliciano was sure that fate existed. The stars had aligned and sent him directly to Ludwig, even if he didn't know at first. When he looked at Ludwig, he could see the boy from so many years ago. The love he felt for him wasn't new. It was put on hold. They had found each other in this giant world not once but twice. If that wasn't a miracle, Feliciano didn't know what a miracle was.

He spoke after what felt like an eternity. "Yes." Tears ran down his cheeks despite his smile. "I gave him-" Feliciano paused to correct himself, a wild happiness blooming inside of him when he came full circle. "I gave _you_ my push broom."

Ludwig exhaled softly, his eyes softening as he looked at Feliciano. "I can't believe this." He nearly whispered the words. "It's so surreal. I thought I would never see him again, and now this…"

"That still doesn't explain how I didn't remember your name." Part of Feliciano still did not believe this was real. His mind tried frantically to put all the pieces together, trying to make sense of all of this. "I don't remember knowing a Ludwig."

"Gilbert mentioned this. We used nicknames. Our names were too foreign for the other to remember." He said, leaving Feliciano to wonder what this conversation with Gilbert had actually entailed. "You were the only Italian I knew, so being a child I called you Italy. But what did you call me?"

Then it came to him. The name hit Feliciano like a ton of bricks, the final bits of the memory falling into place. He had called him something he had overheard his grandfather say when he was helping Lovino with history. "Holy Rome." He nearly whispered. "I called you Holy Rome."

"That's right." Ludwig said it in a breath. He brought his hand to his forehead and rested his head in his hand. _"Mein Gott." _

Feliciano could suddenly remember every detail of the boy. He had the same blue eyes, the same gentle hands, and the same internal shyness that only came out when you truly got to know him. After all these years, he had come back to him. Ludwig was his guardian angel, flying into his life when he truly needed him and never failing to find him. Only this time, the heartache of him flying away again would kill him.

"Ludwig, are you going to leave again?"

Ludwig's face went blank. "What do you mean?"

"You already left once." Feliciano swallowed thickly, feeling almost dizzy as a nauseating possibility crossed his mind. "I don't want you to go again." His eyes refused to stay dry as he considered the possibility. This was far too much feeling for one day.

In one swift, amazing movement, Ludwig stood up while simultaneously grabbing Feliciano under his arms. Effortlessly, he lifted him off the ground like he weighed nothing more than a feather, looked him right in the eyes, and caused him to forget every being upset. "I'm not going anywhere." With that, Ludwig smiled wider than Feliciano had ever seen him smile.

* * *

_To be continued..._

* * *

**_A/N: I realize that there are likely some people reading this story that do not support/like/believe the "Germany is HRE" theory. Rest assured, this does not really play a huge part in the rest of the story. I hope those of you who don't like the theory can look past it and respect the fact that this is a headcanon of mine. Thanks for reading. :)_**


	12. Chapter 12

The minute Ludwig dropped Feliciano off at his house; Feliciano began tearing the place apart. Now that he was armed with such earth-shattering information, he was determined to find some type of trace of his childhood friend- no, of Ludwig. He couldn't accept that in all the months he spent with him no one so much as took a picture. Surely he had some token of their time spent together. If he managed to forget his first kiss, Feliciano was sure he could have forgotten about taking a photograph or something.

A little voice in the back of his head nagged at him, telling Feliciano that Ludwig wasn't in fact the boy from his memories. Part of him still toyed with the idea that both of them just had disturbingly similar experiences. Maybe Ludwig was talking about a different Italian. Maybe he kissed a different boy and, for whatever reason, was given a different broom. Maybe the boy he spoke about also happened to have a caregiver that insisted on putting him in dresses even though it confused everyone else, claiming they were robes. Maybe there just happened to be an onslaught of blonde German kids running around his village that year, maybe-

Feliciano forced the erratic thoughts to stop tumbling over each other in his mind. There was no way that all of that was a coincidence. The similarities were simply too great. Still, what were the odds? Out of all the villages in all of the countries in the entire world, Ludwig had managed to find the one that he was in. Not only that, but they had both moved to America and attended the same high school. They had found each other again through coincidence alone. This thought only promoted another stream of overthinking- What if those boys hadn't decided to beat him up that day? What if Ludwig hadn't forgotten his jacket, or had gone through the front entrance instead of the one in the back? Their relationship was founded on a chain-reaction of events, half of which were rather unfortunate but produced something great.

As if that wasn't enough, Feliciano had fallen in love with him all over again, _and _Ludwig reciprocated. This was the kind of thing you read about in the newspaper or a cheesy romance novel. Unreal. Feliciano was giving himself a headache. If he actually sat down and attempted to calculate the probability of all of those things happening, his brain may have just started smoking and eventually malfunctioned.

Just ten minutes after he had arrived back at home, Feliciano was on his knees digging through his closet. People always kept weird things from their past in their closets, right? But all he found was clothing, old school supplies and a few of his paintings. After realizing that none of the canvases held anything of interest, he moved on to the pile of shoeboxes that sat against the back wall.

Shoes, shoes, shoes…okay, Feliciano knew that he probably should have expected the shoeboxes to only contain shoes. Still, he felt disappointment rise in his chest each time he turned up empty. He was desperate for some kind of information, all while trying to push the possibility of hitting a dead end out of his mind. Sure, he had only started looking, but he wasn't entirely sure where else he could look. He kept the vast majority of his personal belongings in his room, so he really wasn't expecting to unearth a pile of photographs in say, the kitchen.

After a couple of minutes, Feliciano found himself staring at the last of the unopened shoeboxes. His hands were tentatively gripping the sides of the lid, trying to suppress the hope that was coursing through his veins. _There are still other places to look. _He told himself, biting down on his bottom lip. Feliciano decided to treat the situation like a Band-Aid. He took a deep breath, closed his eyes and ripped the lid off the box, letting out a battle cry for good measure as he did so.

After indulging in one final moment of hesitation, his eyes shot open. What he was staring at was, at last, _not _shoes. That alone caused his stomach to do a backflip. Even though he was sure it wasn't shoes, he wasn't exactly sure what he was looking at. With a shaking hand, Feliciano pulled what seemed to be a rolled up piece of yellowing paper out of the box. For a moment he was sure it was a receipt, presumably for shoes. But it was too big to be a receipt. Maybe it was another old worksheet. He was far more willing to speculate what it could be than to actually see for himself; terrified of the crushing disappointment that was sure to come.

Without thinking for another second, Feliciano unrolled the paper in one swift movement. His eyes narrowed as he realized what he was looking at. It was an old drawing, done in crayons. It was crudely done, so he recognized that this was something he must have created when he was much younger.

Maybe young enough that he was still living in Italy.

Feliciano froze. His eyes were still locked on the drawing, but they weren't processing what was in front of him. For what felt like an eternity, he stopped breathing, blinking, thinking, living…then he snapped back into reality. He was able to decipher the picture. It was another tree, one he immediately recognized as the one was spent so much time beneath in his village. Beside the tree were two figures, small enough to be children.

Bingo. Feliciano ran his hand over the paper, smiling slightly. So it wasn't a photograph, but at least it was something. One of the children has blonde hair and blue eyes, while the other had auburn hair and brown eyes. There was no denying it. This was he and the boy. It was Feliciano and Ludwig.

Feliciano sighed heavily, allowing himself to sink against the wall. He wondered how long the drawing had been there, how long ago he had put it in the shoebox. He wondered why he had chosen to put it in a shoebox. Was he trying to shove the memory away from him, thinking that if it were out of sight it would also be out of mind? If that was true, he could have thrown it away. But that was the important thing. He hadn't thrown it away. Something deep inside of himself had willed him to keep it, even if he did hide it from himself.

While finding this little piece of the past was exhilarating, Feliciano yearned for something more. He wanted a photograph in the worst way, so he could memorize the details of Ludwig's young face and see the resemblance and be smacked in the face with the truth. That would erase any fraction of a doubt he still had. He was sure of it. But how could he find a picture? He wasn't even sure if any existed.

Feliciano was smacked in the face with a sudden thought. _Maybe Grandpa or Lovino has one._

It was a stretch, he knew that much. Still, it wasn't completely impossible. Feliciano tried to remember if he had told either of them about his friend. He wasn't even sure if they knew. If he had to explain, he would have a lot of explaining to do about other things. Lovino was already suspicious. He hadn't spoken to Roma in weeks, months even.

Wait a minute. _Ludwig. _Feliciano thought. He wondered how on earth this didn't cross his mind before- Ludwig might very well have a picture. Feliciano swung his fist into the air, cheering internally that the victory that may not end up being a victory at all. Before he knew what he was doing, his phone was pressed against his ear.

Ludwig answered on the second ring. "Hello?"

"Hey! Ludwig! It's me!" Feliciano punctuated each word with undying excitement. "I have something to ask you!"

Ludwig paused. "Oh. Alright."

"So we met when we were kids. That's hard to believe, isn't it? I think so! Anyways, I really want to find a picture of us. I'm tearing my house apart right now trying to find one and I can't so I thought I would ask Lovino or Grandpa but I'm not sure if I even told them about us when we were kids so now I'm asking you!" Feliciano said the last sentence is one breath, his words hurried and frantic. He knew he wasn't making a ton of sense, but he was far too wound up to care.

"Slow down." Ludwig said. "You want a photograph?"

"Yes!"

"I'm not sure if there are any, unfortunately. I've been looking for one the past couple of days. I started remembering a bit about my friend-" He paused, cleared his throat, and corrected himself. "About… you. Anyway, I searched for evidence and came up with nothing. I even asked Gilbert."

Feliciano's heart sunk to his feet. "Oh."

"I'm sorry, Feliciano. Why don't you ask Lovino or your grandfather?"

He supposed it was high time he told someone about all of this anyway. Feliciano thought for a moment, trying to decide if he could manage to tell his brother or grandpa about Ludwig without spilling the nature of their relationship. It wasn't that he didn't want to tell them, it's that he didn't want to tell them over the phone. It seemed so impersonal.

He took a deep breath. "Okay! I'll ask them."

"Why do you want a picture?" asked Ludwig. "I think we've already established the truth."

Feliciano blinked a few times as the question sunk in. Really, it shouldn't be as important as it was to him. He pondered this for a moment and finally came up with an adequate explanation. "It's just so unreal, Ludwig."

"I know. It's about as unlikely as you can get, but it isn't impossible, correct?"

Feliciano nodded even though Ludwig wasn't able to see him. "Right." He took a deep breath, shaking off his hysteria. "I guess I'll call Lovino now!"

"Good luck, Feli."

Seconds after they said their goodbyes, Feliciano was already dialing his brother's number. He wondered if he was in class, but in the heat of the moment he didn't even bother thinking about it. He was relieved when he picked up.

_"__Pronto."_

Feliciano spoke in frantic, breathless sentences. "Lovino! Hi, it's me. Are you busy? I need to ask you something."

He paused for a second. "Oh. Hi, Feliciano. I've got a few minutes before class, what's up?"

Feliciano didn't stop to think. "This is going to sound strange but do you remember me having a friend when I was, like, five?" He blurted.

"Feli. That was, what was it, twelve years ago, almost?" Lovino seemed just a tad bit annoyed, but that wasn't any different than usual. He had been in a perpetual state of grumpiness since he was a child. "Do you really think I remember? What brought this on?"

Feliciano felt his heartbeat pick up. This was it. "You're going to think I'm crazy."

"I've always thought you were crazy. What's up?"

Feliciano chuckled lightly, thankful for something to break the tension. "I met someone." He made sure to choose his words carefully. "He's from Germany and he's really nice to me and he doesn't think I talk too much!"

The line went silent for a moment. "Ok…" said Lovino hesitantly. "That's great, but what does this have to do with the friend you had when you were five?"

"That's the thing, Lovino! I think he's the same person!" The declaration sounded ridiculous, but Feliciano didn't care. "We have the same memories about it and everything!"

"Hold on, Feliciano. You're not making any sense. So you're telling me you had a friend, in Italy, twelve years ago. This person was from Germany and just happened to be in our village, and now you think you found him again, in America?"

"Yes! It sounds crazy but it's not!"

"No, it's pretty crazy."

Feliciano frowned. He wasn't going about this the right way. He wasn't giving him enough background information about it. Lovino was right, he did sound crazy. He sounded absolutely mad. "I wanted to ask if you had any pictures." He spoke slower now. "I know I sound crazy and I'm not explaining myself but I really need a picture!"

"I have no idea what you're even talking about right now, how would I have a picture?" Lovino sounded more puzzled than irritated, though his tone was an odd mix of both.

Feliciano sighed and quickly realized how ridiculous he was acting. "You're right, it was stupid." He said. "Sorry."

"It would probably be less stupid if you explained this more." Lovino said. "Why don't you tell me about this person you know now. How did you meet?"

Feliciano bit down on his lip, hard. This was one of the questions that he didn't want. It took everything he had not to open the floodgates and tell him everything. "I met Ludwig at school." He said carefully after it dawned on him that he hadn't even mentioned his name yet.

"Ludwig. Okay. What's he like?"

A bubble of affection rose in Feliciano's chest. What was he like? He was amazing; one of a kind, shy, sweet, serious, strong, smart, gentle, understanding…it was a loaded question. Ludwig was someone he couldn't describe using words alone.

"He's nice." He said. He was amazed by how much he was able to simplify it. "He's pretty serious, but he's actually really…nice." The moment he said it, Feliciano wanted to slap himself. He sounded like a robot. He was trying so hard to not use words that could be taken as romantic, leaving him with the vocabulary of a first-grader.

Lovino paused. "He's nice. I think I get it." He said. "At least you're talking about your friends. When did you meet him?"

That, he could answer. "A couple of months ago, I think. Maybe a little longer? Or shorter? Wow, I don't know!" His relationship with Ludwig felt as if it had lasted both a lifetime and a single blink of the eye. Feliciano could no longer pinpoint the time his life was flipped upside down.

"Why didn't you say anything?" asked Lovino, sounding skeptical.

"I forgot!" said Feliciano a little too quickly, his voice sounding higher than usual. That was a huge lie. Forgetting about Ludwig was about as possible as forgetting to breathe.

There was another pause. "You forgot." Even though Feliciano could not see him, he imagined Lovino had rolled his eyes. "Okay."

Feliciano realized they had gotten off track. Desperate to veer off this interrogation, he got back to the point. "The point is we were talking and we're both sure we knew each other in Italy when we were children!"

Lovino sighed. "We've established this. You still haven't told me why you think that."

So he couldn't tell him about the kiss. That would only trigger a chain of questions he didn't want to answer yet. Feliciano wasn't really sure what he could tell him. This whole conversation was like walking on eggshells. "Well," he said finally, "I remember the boy having blonde hair and blue eyes, and so does Ludwig."

Lovino cut him off. "A lot of people have blonde hair and blue eyes."

Feliciano felt the smallest twinge of annoyance. Lovino was always dismissing him, always brushing off his comments as silliness. Even though he was barely two years older than him, Lovino acted as if he were his parent. "Let me finish!" He cried. "He remembered calling his childhood friend Italy! I remember being _called_ Italy! He was in Italy was the same amount of time I remember having a friend! His friend gave him a broom when he left and I remember giving my friend a broom! I'm not making this up, Lovino!"

There was no response for a good ten seconds. "Why would you give him a broom?"

Feliciano sighed. He could not even bring himself to be angry. The way his brother trivialized this monumental occurrence- something that meant the world to Feliciano- only made him sad. He might as well have been talking to a brick wall. "That's what you took from all of that?" He said quietly.

"No, I understand your suspicions now." He sounded slightly less perplexed. "It's still a little bit far-fetched, but it's one hell of a coincidence."

"Thank you!" cried Feliciano. He felt as if a boulder had been lifted from his chest. Finally, he was starting to believe him! But that wasn't the biggest issue. In a flash, Feliciano remembered his original goal. "Do you think Grandpa Roma would remember? Do you think he might have a picture?"

"I don't know, Feliciano. If he did, he would probably be able to remember this a lot better than I could." Lovino said. "This is terrible timing, but I need to go to class."

"Oh. Okay, thank you!" said Feliciano. "See you!"

"Bye."

Feliciano took a deep breath. That had gone okay, he supposed. Maybe it didn't matter if he had a picture of not. He had Ludwig. He had always had Ludwig. That was all that mattered.

.

Lovino took a deep breath. His worry for Feliciano was only growing by the day, but at least he knew that someone was looking out for him. Albeit it was someone he didn't know, albeit it was some German potato bastard, but at least it was someone. Being eight hours away, he could not really afford to be picky. He sighed, set down the phone and looked at Antonio, who was sleeping on the bed on the other side of the room. Lazy bastard. For Christ's sakes, it was the middle of the afternoon.

He shook his head and adverted his eyes, instantly infuriated with the little jump in his chest seeing a sleeping Antonio had evoked. Desperate for a distraction, he managed to get his thoughts back on track. The last thing he expected that day was to be told this crazy story. That's what it was- a crazy story, but somehow he couldn't bring himself to doubt it. Those coincidences, if they had actually happened, were uncanny. Lovino was not arrogant enough to deny that.

There was someone Lovino knew as a child too, but it hadn't been another child. This person was a bit older than him, perhaps a young teenager, and had looked after Lovino when Roma had to work. His memories were extremely faint, but there was one thing he remembered. It wasn't his appearance or even his name. This person had a Spanish accent. That, he remembered clearly.

Lovino stared at Antonio, the crazy Spaniard who was too old for college that he was forced to share a room with. Feliciano's story was crazy, but it had made him think…

No. No way. _Ridiculous, _Lovino thought, shaking his head at the absurdity of it all. He was embarrassed to even have entertained the idea for a millisecond. It was absolutely ludicrous. It was the stupidest thing he had ever thought in his life.

Lovino stood up, took his books from his cluttered desk and went to class. He hoped he would be able to pay attention this time. The last few times, a certain set of sparkling green eyes and a particular boisterous laugh had invaded his thoughts.

* * *

_To be continued..._

* * *

**_Author's note: It is likely that this story will undergo a rating change next week- going from 'T' to 'M.' If you want to see it in the regular feed, you have to change your settings to allow 'M' rated stories to show up. Thank you!_**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: The rating is now M. Thank you.**

* * *

Finally, on a pleasant Saturday in the middle of March, Feliciano's birthday had arrived. It was the perfect day for it. The air was warm but not hot, clouds were scattered across the sky but none threatened a storm. Ludwig and he had been talking for the past few days, and they had come up with a plan. Gilbert was going across town for a couple days to visit a friend, so Ludwig had the house to himself. Feliciano would come over in the early evening. They would have a picnic outside, talk, and just have a good time. The plans weren't extravagant or detailed, but to Feliciano they were absolutely perfect.

It was ten in the morning, and Feliciano was in his room. Ludwig had called him two hours earlier to wish him a happy birthday, and Grandpa Roma had called not long after. His day had started off great, and deep in his heart he knew it would be great all the way through. Even though he had several hours before he had to be anywhere, he was both excited beyond believe and nervous as could be. His birthdays had always been so lonely and lackluster. He wanted this one, his first one with Ludwig, to be perfect.

Feliciano stared at his reflection in the mirror. He had no idea how birthday parties worked. Was he supposed to wear something special? If so, what? Ludwig had told him not to worry; he could wear whatever he'd like. Still, it nagged at him. Were there any strange birthday rituals that no one had told him about? He made one half-hearted attempt at getting his stray curl to behave before it returned to its permanent position, sticking straight out of the rest of his hair. He might be seventeen now, but some things never changed.

Done with examining his appearance, Feliciano collapsed back on his bed. His chest was tight, his stomach tossing and turning over and over again. He shouldn't be this nervous. It was just Ludwig, he was comfortable with Ludwig. More comfortable than he had been with a friend since, well, Ludwig, all those years ago. The only difference was he was more than a friend now. Maybe that was what made him nervous. He had a gut feeling that something was going to happen that evening. He wasn't sure _what, _however.

There was only one thing that was bugging him that morning. Lovino hadn't called. Feliciano tried to shrug it off, telling himself it was still early, it was likely his brother hadn't even woken up yet. He would call. Feliciano was sure. He checked his phone again. No missed calls or messages. Feliciano sighed and flipped the phone on its face. He would call, eventually.

_Several hours later…_

The doorbell rang. Finally. Feliciano had been jittery all day, a ball of emotions twisting in his stomach. Nervousness, excitement, joy, a tad of impatience since Lovino had not called yet- it was all there, flying around in his body like a swarm of hyperactive birds. He raced down the stairs dressed in a simple button down shirt and fitted khaki pants, the clothes he had finally decided on.

Feliciano flung the door open and was met with Ludwig. He was wearing dark jeans and a button down shirt that was just tight enough that Feliciano could see the outline of his muscles through the thin fabric. He caught himself staring for a moment before his head snapped upwards.

"Hi!" He said, smiling at him.

Ludwig's hands were behind his back. He brought them forward, revealing a bouquet of red roses. His mouth twitched into a very slight, embarrassed grin. "Happy birthday, Feliciano."

Feliciano beamed and took the flowers from his hands. "_Mio dio_!" He exclaimed; eyes fixed on the roses. They were bright and healthy, adding up to exactly one dozen. "They're so pretty!"

Ludwig's cheeks were nearly as red as the flowers. He stared at his shoes, his stoic expression back in place. "Gilbert said roses were, uh, romantic." He said, picking a piece of invisible lint off of his sleeve. He said the word like it was in a foreign language.

"He was right!" Feliciano smiled down at the bouquet. At that moment, he felt like the luckiest person in the universe. "Let me go put these in water!"

Without giving Ludwig time to respond, he darted from the door to the kitchen, quickly filled an old glass vase with water and set the flowers in it. He left them sitting on the counter for the time being, intending to put them in his room when he got back home. Feliciano raced back to the door, smiled brightly at Ludwig, and they went to his car.

It didn't take long to reach Ludwig's house. The streetlights lit up the backyard and the trees cast shadows on the walls. It was dreamlike. Feliciano's eyes were glued to the brick house he'd seen many times before and he suddenly felt euphoric. His chest fluttered in anticipation as Ludwig got out of the car, walked over to the passenger side and opened the door for him. He went as far as to hold out his hand for him and pull him gently from his seat. Feliciano's entire body felt light like he was floating, drifting.

Feliciano was prepared to have the best night of his life.

His breath was taken away when they reached the backyard. The perimeter of the yard was lined with tiki torches, the flames flickering in the darkness of the roughly half-acre yard. Beyond the patio that sat by the door was a picnic blanket, laid out rather deliberately at the middle of the slope of a small hill that made up the yard. The top of the small hill overlooked a road in the distance. Feliciano could make out what looked like a forest preserve beyond the distant line of traffic, the cars looking like fireflies as they sped down the street.

"Wow." He breathed the word; feeling like the oxygen had been knocked out of his lungs. "It's beautiful, Ludwig."

He shrugged modestly and looked around his own yard. "Gilbert had the lights from some party he had." He said. "It was no big deal, really. I probably could have done something else…"

Feliciano smiled, touched by his desire to make this special. "I love it!" He said and threw his arms around him. "It's absolutely perfect!"

And it was.

Feliciano sat down on the blanket while Ludwig went inside. There were already utensils laid out for them, everything from plates to napkins to glasses. He emerged just minutes later with two take-out boxes with a portable stereo balanced on top, and to Feliciano's surprise, a bottle of red wine. Setting everything down, he smiled at him apologetically.

"I can cook Italian food about as well as I can paint," he said, "so I got takeout. I hope it's okay."

Looking at the box, Feliciano immediately recognized the restaurant's logo. He had gone with Lovino and his grandpa on very special occasions, since the food was expensive. Still, it was worth it. This place had the best Italian food in the area. The pasta was nearly as good as it was when he had lived in Italy. Feliciano's face lit up as he opened the box and he was hit with the wonderful aroma. He felt like a kid on Christmas.

"Wow!" He exclaimed. "You got exactly what I would get! This is amazing! Thank you, Ludwig!"

Ludwig smiled at his excitement and nodded. He uncorked the wine and poured them each a glass before holding his in the air. "A toast."

Feliciano clinked his glass against Ludwig's. "I've never had wine before." He said. "Where did you get this?"

One side of Ludwig's mouth twitched upwards in a slight half-smile. "They didn't card me."

"Really? Wow!" He didn't doubt that Ludwig could pass for being over twenty-one, but it still managed to surprise him. Ludwig found a way to surprise Feliciano each and every day. He took a sip, initially shocked by the bitter taste but soon got used to it. He felt a warming sensation in his stomach and suddenly understood why people drank wine.

"It's good." He said, smiling. Feliciano looked up to take in everything that was around him, realizing how much it actually was. "I hope this didn't cost you too much."

Ludwig shook his head. "I wanted to make this special. You deserve it."

Setting the glass down carefully, Feliciano swirled a bite of pasta around his fork absent-mindedly. "I don't know about that. I'm just me, nothing terribly special."

"That isn't true, Feliciano. I have never met anyone quite like you."

The words sent a chill down Feliciano's spine and a blush across his face. When he was with Ludwig, he believed that statement. He made him feel special, even wanted in a way that no one else had ever managed to. Every time he looked at him with those blue eyes of his, he felt like the luckiest person to ever grace the surface of the planet.

"I think you're the special one, Ludwig! It's amazing how you're so serious and strong but shy and sweet at the exact same time." Feliciano felt no reluctance as he spilled his emotions for the world to see. He didn't feel any need to hide them anymore.

Ludwig chuckled. "Is that so?" He said, a rare hint of humor in his voice. "But this evening isn't about me. It's all for you today."

Feliciano felt a flutter in his chest. They ate listening to the wind blow through the trees and crickets chirp in the distance. The sky was lit up with a sheet of stars shining down upon them like lights from a Christmas tree. It was a usually clear night, allowing the stars to be seen as clearly as they could be. Feliciano felt calmer than he had in months. He didn't believe this was all entirely coincidental. Something, somewhere was working hard to make this night as beautiful and perfect as it could be. Looking into the sky he felt infinite, like he was one with the universe. Still, the dazzling sky held so many unanswered questions in its hands.

"Ludwig, what do you think happens when we die?" The question was not something Feliciano had planned to ask. The words passed his lips unconsciously, a product of staring up into sky above them. He was mesmerized, intoxicated by the endless glowing lights.

Ludwig set down his fork and slowly looked up, a puzzled expression spreading across his face. "That came out of nowhere." He said.

"I'm just curious."

In reality, that question was something Feliciano pondered often. However, this was to first time he had bothered to vocalize it. Throughout his life, the thought of death would cause his blood to run cold and his body to tremble. If he could, he simply pushed in out of his thoughts. If he allowed the idea to linger in his mind for too long, he would begin to feel his sanity slip away from him piece by piece. Feliciano wasn't brought up to be particularly religious beyond the occasional church service, so no answers to the question had been laid out for him.

"I'm not sure, Feli. No one can be sure. I prefer to focus on life rather than death." Ludwig said. He planted his hands behind him and leaned back against his arms. "A man can drive himself mad thinking about it."

Wasn't that the truth? Feliciano snapped out of his euphoric state and was hit by flashbacks of what had happened when he did overthink his own existence. It never ended well for him. At some point, everyone comes to the realization that the world doesn't actually revolve around them. If they dropped dead to very next day, life would continue to happen. People would continue to eat, sleep, dream, love- they would simply go on living; the vast majority of the world never even knowing they'd existed. That idea isn't upsetting until you think about it for long enough.

Feliciano sighed into the darkness, tracing the consolations with his eyes. "Well, do you believe in God?"

Ludwig opened his mouth to speak only to close it again. The air around them fell silent for what felt like an eternity before he actually spoke. "My father is very religious." He said. He avoided eye contact by focusing on the ground, ripping up a handful of grass and letting it fall. "But me, personally? I am not arrogant enough to pretend I know the answer. I don't have much of an opinion on the matter, I'm afraid."

That made sense. Whether Feliciano told himself that he absolutely believed in God or that he absolutely didn't, it felt equally as strange. He was never comfortable with church services; the masses of people mindlessly repeating phrases like drones never sat right with him. "That makes sense. You can never be sure, right?" said Feliciano. "I try not to think about it too much..."

His mind wandered back to the night it had stormed like the world was ending, remembering the terrifying feeling all too clearly. That feeling recreated itself whenever he was alone with these kinds of thoughts for too long, whenever he allowed himself to drive himself crazy. "When I think about that kind of stuff I almost feel like I _am _dying! That's ironic, right? It's really scary. Actually, I think I get those, um, what did you call them?"

Ludwig raised his eyebrows and kept his gaze focused on the ground. "Panic attacks."

That's right. That was the term. Feliciano shuttered at the words before he nodded. Panic attack. It sounded so ominous, so threatening. The term was almost as scary as the experience itself. He brought his knees to his chest, hugging them close to his body as if to attempt to become smaller than he already was.

"Don't worry." Ludwig's voice was gentle yet commanding of attention. "We are still very young. We have long lives ahead of us. I promise you it will be alright."

Feliciano nodded almost robotically. "I guess you're right."

Ludwig must have sensed that Feliciano was unconvinced, because he continued to speak. "If I can spend it with you, I'm sure life will be more beautiful than I could have ever imagined."

Feliciano felt his anxieties roll off his back like water, just like that. "Ludwig…" He blinked a few times, and the heavy feeling in his chest was suddenly a thing of the past. "I don't think I could imagine anything better than that if I tried."

A life with Ludwig would truly be a life well spent. The thought itself was calming. No matter how scary the subject matter, talking about things with Ludwig always seemed to make whatever it was less frightening. Even if he had just sat there with him, not saying anything, he was sure the anxieties he felt still would have been kept at bay.

Still, the intrusive thoughts invaded his brain like another country's army. Thoughts of life, death, and oblivion- it was the last thing he wanted to think about right now. Even worse, what if he lost Ludwig to these things? He had someone to worry about now, someone that the harsh realities of the world could take away at any given time. A sharp pain shot through his chest. Hugging his knees tighter, Feliciano looked into the night sky for answers.

"You seem interested in the stars." Ludwig said suddenly. "I bet you'd be interested in how NASA organizes its company parties."

Feliciano snapped out of his daze, confused by the odd statement. "I beg your pardon?"

"How do you think NASA prepares for their parties?"

He stared at him blankly. "Um, how?"

"They _planet._"

It took Feliciano a moment for the joke to register. Even thought it was probably the worst joke he had ever heard in his life, laughter bubbled in his chest before it finally escaped. He laughed out loud from the sheer absurdity of it. It felt so good to laugh. It was like a two-ton boulder had been lifted from his shoulders.

"Ludwig, that was terrible!" He exclaimed. He felt the tension and the worry that had built up melt away from him as he continued to giggle to himself.

Ludwig made a sound that was almost a laugh. "You were unusually quiet. I had to at least try."

They finished eating; Feliciano stifling giggles the entire time. The short philosophical conversation in itself comforted him. He made a mental note to think back to it whenever he caught himself lost in an existential crisis, to think of Ludwig's voice and his eyes as well as the things he had said. The present was here, and it was wonderful. It was no use spending such a precious time thinking of death.

When they finished the food, they moved onto the wine. Ludwig poured both of them a second glass. Feliciano began to feel warm in every inch of his body by the end of it, his fingertips tingling. He made the decision not to have much more of the stuff. He wasn't going to get drunk. He didn't want to be drunk. Feliciano wanted to remember every second of this night, not lose it by the end of the bottle.

Still, the drink evoked certain lightness in him. He laughed at the smallest of things and felt as though he was floating. Everything, right down to the flickers of light from the tiki torches seemed more beautiful and more interesting than before. When Ludwig so much as brushed his hand with his, tingles ran up and down his skin and caused him to turn red from his cheeks to the base of his collarbone.

Ludwig set down the now empty wine glass. "What do you call dangerous precipitation?"

Feliciano rolled his eyes jokingly. "Oh, no." He was already beginning to giggle. "What do you call it?"

"A rain of terror."

Feliciano could not help but laugh at the absurdity. "At least that wasn't as bad as the last one." He said. "Where are you even getting these?"

"You're forgetting how absurd Gilbert can be." Ludwig poured the last of the wine in their glasses. "He makes a lot of terrible attempts at humor."

"I can tell!" said Feliciano before bursting into a fit of giggles again. "Oh! I got one! Why do vampires believe everything you tell them?"

Ludwig chuckled quietly. "Oh, I'm dying to know."

"Because they're suckers!"

He actually did laugh that time. "Amazing." He said. He smiled with a look of mischief. "What do you call a sketchy neighborhood in Italy?"

"Come on! That hits home!" Despite his protests, Feliciano was still smiling.

The alcohol having made it's way into his bloodstream, Ludwig laughed out loud before he even got to the punch line.

"At least finish the joke!" Feliciano could not help it. He was laughing already, if only out of anticipation alone.

With a dumb grin on his face, Ludwig finally told him. "A _speghetto._"

Feliciano burst into a laughter so strong it made his stomach hurt. It wasn't even that funny, but between the wine sitting in his stomach and the way Ludwig had to strain to keep from laughing when he spoke made it seem like the funniest thing he had ever heard. "You have got to be kidding me!" He choked out in the mist of his hysteria. Only seconds after he managed to get it out, he started laughing again. Tears began to prick his eyes not long after. Ludwig followed suit not long after, laughing harder then Feliciano had ever heard him laugh.

Then, Feliciano came up with a joke so horrendously bad that at that point he thought it was the funniest thing he'd ever thought. "Hey," he said between laughs. He took a deep breath and tried his best to calm down. "Ludwig, what do you call an elephant?"

Ludwig, having stopped laughing, looked at him with an amused grin plastered on his face. "Oh, no. I can already tell this will not end well." He said. "What?"

"An elephant."

After a split second of silence Feliciano exploded into laughter again, the not-joke seeming so unbelievably hilarious under these conditions. After Ludwig contemplated what he was funny about what he said and when he realized there was actually no point at all, he laughed with him. Not quite as hard as Feliciano, but hard enough.

They were sitting right next to each other, and in one glorious, laughter-filled moment, Feliciano fell to the side onto Ludwig. This knocked the larger boy backwards and only caused them to laugh harder. Feliciano propped himself up on his arms while he lay on his torso, looking at him as he lay underneath him. Their laughter slowly died down as both of them came back to reality. Feliciano let out one last chuckle and then they were simply gazing into each other's eyes, their hair wild and messy and their cheeks flushed from laughing too hard.

The world slowed down. The redness on Ludwig's face soon turned from the product of laughing to a blush as he realized the position they were in. Slowly but not hesitantly, he wrapped his hands around Feliciano's hips. Feliciano let out a short, surprised gasp. The wine had effectively had him hypersensitive to every touch, every movement Ludwig made. For a moment, neither of them said or did anything.

This time, it was Ludwig that made the first move. He pushed gently on Feliciano's hips and brought him closer. For a second, Feliciano just looked at him with teasing eyes that dared him to try something else. Ludwig obeyed the unspoken command. He kissed him, hungrily yet gently. Feliciano forgot how to breathe as heat surged throughout his body and concentrated itself in an area he wasn't used to it being. When Ludwig bit the edge of his bottom lip, he swore he could have fainted. Suddenly, he stopped.

"Feli, are you sure you're okay with this? You're not drunk, are you?"

Feliciano smiled at the sentiment, but he had other things in mind. "No, I'm not. Now shut up and kiss me." He said teasingly. It was probably the wine talking, even though he wasn't lying about not being drunk.

Ludwig didn't hesitate. He pulled him back into the kiss, the unfamiliar heat encasing Feliciano like a blanket. He sighed against his mouth, his head spinning with the undying _want _that was winding around itself in his stomach. This wasn't a feeling he was used to, with his head spinning and his skin hot and tingling; the sensation only increasing the more he was kissed. Ludwig's hand slid from his hips to his waist and his whole body shuttered like he was possessed.

"Feliciano." Ludwig's voice was quiet and strained. He moved his hand to Feliciano's shoulders and pushed them upwards so he was forced to look at him. "Do…" Even in the dark, it was easy to see how red his face was. He took a deep breath and his eyes darted around, as if the right words to say would be written somewhere on Feliciano's face. He watched in awe as the always-stoic Ludwig succumbed to embarrassment. When he continued, he could only stammer. "Do you want to stop? That would be fine of course, or we could stay here or…we can… do you want to go upstairs?" His mouth parted partially when he was finished as if he was shocked by his own words. His face had only grown more flushed with every word he managed to say.

Oh. _Oh. _This is probably what Feliciano was anticipating earlier that day. This was the "thing" he had guessed would happen. He felt like he should be more nervous about it, more hesitant. The realization hit him. This is what he wanted. He didn't want to stop. He _did _want to go upstairs with him, and he knew full well this wasn't the same kind of invitation to go upstairs then the one he was given a couple weeks prior.

"Yes, Ludwig." He whispered the words into his ear. "I want to go upstairs with you." This time, he was sure it wasn't the wine talking. He wanted this. He knew that much.

He started to adjust his position, preparing to get off of Ludwig when instead he picked Feliciano up and carried him inside. The empty boxes and wine glasses were forgotten on the lawn in the flurry of passion. It didn't take long to reach the upstairs, Feliciano with his legs now wrapped around Ludwig's torso. They barely broke the kiss from the yard to his bedroom, not even bothering to turn any of the lights on.

In what seemed like a blink of the eye, Feliciano was being set down on the bed with Ludwig kneeling above him, his hands resting on the mattress by the sides of his head. The activity stopped, and Feliciano looked at him with a 'now what?' expression on his face. The lamp next to his bed was conveniently still on from earlier, and only then he could see exactly how red Ludwig's face was. He was surprised when he noticed that he really was as scarlet as a tomato.

"Ludwig!" He brought his hand to his cheek, which was burning hot. "Are you okay? Are you sick? Oh, I hope you don't have a fever!"

"I don't have a fever." He mumbled. "This…just became very real."

Feliciano mentally kicked himself. He finally realized, just because Ludwig was bigger and stronger than him didn't mean he was incapable of getting nervous. He suddenly wondered if he was rushing him, if this was too fast. "Do you want to stop? I'd understand, completely! Really!" Feliciano said, quickly clamoring into an upright position.

"It's not that." Ludwig said quickly. "It's just, well, I've never done anything like this before." His eyes were fixed on the wall, as if he would do anything to not make eye contact in that very moment.

"That's okay! It's not like I have." Feliciano was telling the truth. He had hardly ever had a _friend _before.

"Yes, well…" Ludwig cleared his throat and had to choke out his next word. "Sex has always been the last thing on my mind. It was how I was raised. But I want this, if you do."

The blush on Feliciano's face deepened as he slowly nodded. He definitely wanted this. He knew that for sure. With a slightly trembling hand, he turned off the lamb that shined next to them. Then they were cloaked in darkness, the only light coming from the stars and the moon shining through the window. Fumbling around in the now-darkened room, they managed to get under the blankets and lay facing each other.

Slowly this time, they kissed again. What followed was a slow process. Their limbs tangled together, the embrace slowly becoming more passionate as the time passed. Feliciano's hands found their way to the buttons on Ludwig's shirt and he began to undo them. His mouth twitched against Feliciano's as his hands met his bare chest, his breathing picking up as they explored this torso. Moments later, both of their well-ironed dress shirts were on the floor. Ludwig's necklace remained clasped around Feliciano's neck.

Feliciano shifted his body to sit on Ludwig's lap, who was still lying down. When his hands met Feliciano's belt buckle, he froze, his hands trembling like leaves in the wind. Instinctively, he brought his hand to Ludwig's chest. His heart was beating at an alarmingly fast pace.

"Feliciano, I don't know what to do, I…"

"Ludwig, it's okay. I don't know either. We'll learn together, alright?"

He took a deep breath and nodded. Steadying his hands enough to use them efficiently, he managed to undo Feliciano's belt, his hand brushing against him in the process. Having forgotten his hands were there, Feliciano had to bite down on his lip to suppress a moan. When Ludwig slipped his hands down the sides of his legs to remove the trousers, he couldn't hold it back any longer. Feliciano let out a whimper. The unfamiliar heat manifested itself lower until he couldn't control his body any longer. Looking down at himself and realizing what had happened, he blushed as strongly as he ever had. His skin felt feverish under his touch.

Feliciano's clothes suddenly felt like a prison. He needed them off, immediately. One wild, slightly messy moment later, their pants joined their shirts on a heap next to the bed. Feliciano gasped as Ludwig lowered himself against him, only separated by thin layers of fabric. Their lips met desperately as Ludwig's hands wandered Feliciano's torso as if he were searching for something. They got lower until they were toying with the waistband on his boxers. Feliciano nearly forgot to continue breathing. This was real.

"Wait." Ludwig said rather abruptly. "We…we will need to use something. It would be too difficult otherwise." He said, his chest moving up and down rapidly. Moving one of his hands away, he reached into the nightstand drawer. "Not long after I told Gilbert about us…he may have given me something."

Realizing what Ludwig was holding, Feliciano tried and failed to stifle the laughter rising in his chest. Of course Gilbert would do something like that. His laughter didn't last long, however. He snapped out of it as soon as he realized the position of Ludwig's hand and the position of their hips and the heat between his legs. It went beyond the physical side of things, no matter how strong it was. He yearned to share that closeness with Ludwig, a closeness he never thought he would experience with anyone.

After Gilbert's "gift" was put to use and after a brief moment of struggle, it was happening. Officially. Their hands locked together, breathing grew more rapid, and everything felt so perfect and passionate and just _right._ There was pain, but it was only slight. Besides, the pain was completely unnoticeable when the pleasure hit him and washed over his body like a current. Feliciano let a whimper escape his lips.

"Am I hurting you?" asked Ludwig frantically. "_Gott, _I don't want to hurt you. We can stop. No questions asked."

Feliciano knew he needed to stop him or he would never stop worrying. "Ludwig, no. Hush." He said, a smile spreading across his lips. "You could never hurt me."

Ludwig looked unconvinced. "You've been through so much pain in your life. I don't want to be the cause of anymore."

"And you won't be." Feliciano said honesty. He could simply never imagine Ludwig hurting him. But the ache between his legs was becoming more impatient. He fought to urge to shiver with desire. "But I'm begging you, please…"

He didn't need to say anything else. After what felt like an eternity of waiting, of craving, Ludwig gently yet firmly thrust against him. Finally, Feliciano understood why everyone made such a big deal out of this. It was like a whole new world crashing into him as he forgot every worry he ever had. Their hearts seemed to beat in sync. They fell into a rhythm and Feliciano shuttered, holding Ludwig even tighter than before. It felt like centuries passed. They knew every inch of each other, their hands roaming across each other's skin without hesitation.

"Is…this okay?" asked Ludwig, his words hot against Feliciano's neck. He sounded like he would have continued speaking, if he were able to.

"Yes, Ludwig." Feliciano said it in a sighing breath. Nothing had ever been more okay in his entire life. His next words came out in a whisper. "_Dio, _yes, it's perfect…"

"Feliciano…I love you."

"I love you too, oh my god, I love you so much…" Feliciano felt his chest swell with all the emotions and sensations hitting him at once like a hailstorm, and it took all he had not to cry tears of joy.

Ludwig's hand found it's way between Feliciano's legs and he moaned, only continuing when he wrapped his hand around the area and moved upwards. Feliciano had to bite down on his lip to prevent crying out. This was different, so, so different than anything he had ever felt. The buildup was unbearable, all consuming. He felt the sensations surge throughout every part of him before he finally reached his breaking point, shuttered and finally allowed himself to cry out as all he had been feeling was finally released. Ludwig held him tighter and pulled his body as close as he could manage.

"_Gott, _Feliciano…"

Then there was silence, a beautiful, comfortable, knowing silence. Ludwig withdrew himself and wrapped his arms around Feliciano's torso, embracing him, holding him so close he could feel his racing heart beat. Their breathing was heavy as the adrenaline finally gave way to exhaustion.

"That was amazing." Feliciano whispered. "Best gift I ever could have asked for."

Ludwig rolled off of Feliciano and sat up. "Speaking of gifts, that reminds me." He said. "Let's get cleaned up first. Then you can open your present."

Feliciano gaped at him. "You didn't. You've already done so much!"

"Too late." He said. "I'm going to take a shower, there's another bathroom a few doors down to the right-"

"Why don't I shower with you?"

Ludwig froze. His face turned white, then red, and he spoke as if he had forgotten how to speak English. "Uh…"

"It'll save water!" Feliciano said, seeing no flaws in his idea. "Oh Ludwig, don't tell me you're shy after what we just did-"

"Let's go."

Afterwards, Ludwig gave him a set of flannel pajamas to wear. Of course, the clothing was much too big and hung off on Feliciano, the fabric spilling off his wrists and pooling around his feet. Ludwig put on his own pajamas and reentered the room with a box wrapped in wrapping paper. Feliciano smiled, jumped on the bed and beckoned for Ludwig to sit with him.

Ludwig sat down next to him. He looked almost nervous. "I hope you will like this."

"I know I will! Can I see it now, please?"

"Alright, alright." He said, giving the wrapped package to Feliciano.

Feliciano eagerly tore the wrapping paper from the gift. It was a simple gift box a little bit bigger than a shoebox. "A box! It's just what I've always wanted." He said with a sarcastic grin on his face.

"Very funny."

Putting the jokes aside, Feliciano took the lid off the box. Sitting in it were cylinder-shaped bottles of various colors. He picked one up and realized what they were. They were bottles of paint, but not just any paint. Feliciano usually used cheap paints you can get at places that you can also buy groceries because they cost less. These were the kind of paint you had to go to a specialty art store to get. These were the expensive ones that Feliciano always wished he could afford to buy on a regular basis.

"Maybe don't paint on me with these." Ludwig said, that signature not-quite-a-grin tugging at the corners of his mouth.

Feliciano threw his arms around him. "Ludwig, these are perfect! Thank you thank you thank you!"

"Happy birthday, Feliciano." He said. He leaned over and kissed him on the cheek.

Feliciano felt his cheeks grow hot as he continued to smile down at his gift. He had expected this to be a great day, but he had gotten something even better. It wasn't because of the material possessions he was given anything like that. Finally, after waiting so long, things were finally beginning to look up for him. The days no longer ran together in a never-ending mass of grey. Now, each day brought something new and the world was filled with color. That spark in his life that was missing for years and years finally came to him. For the first time in forever, Feliciano was excited about life.

Out of the blue, Feliciano noticed his eyelids were drooping. His limbs felt heavy and all he wanted to do was lie down. He never wanted the day to end, but he couldn't ignore the fatigue that had set in after everything that had happened. He set the box down carefully on the nightstand. "Ludwig, I'm tired."

"Me too." Ludwig said. He hesitated for a moment. "Do you want to stay here?"

Feliciano couldn't think of a single better way to end the perfect day. "Well, I'm already wearing your pajamas."

"You're right." Ludwig said before getting up and switching the lights off. While he was doing this, Feliciano laid down. Ludwig joined him not long after. Expecting him to simply lie next to him, Feliciano started to close his eyes. His eyes shot open when Ludwig wrapped his arms around him and pulled him close. "Ludwig?"

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine…" He murmured. Feliciano thought he must have been dreaming. Maybe the wine was still affecting him. Maybe it was both, because there was no way Ludwig was singing to him, albeit very quietly, in that amazing deep voice. But this could not be a dream, because he continued. "You'll never know dear, how much I love you, please don't take my sunshine away…"

Feliciano could have cried. He felt like he was floating away from himself, never having imagined that this kind of happiness was possible. In a matter of a couple months, Feliciano had seen so many of the sides Ludwig had to offer, keeping him on his toes as to what could possibly come next. Never in his life had he met such a fascinating, beautiful, wonderful person. He realized he might be the only person who knew Ludwig beyond his tough exterior, most not bothering to get to know him beyond it. And that was a real shame.

Ludwig stopped singing abruptly and groaned. "That was embarrassing." He muttered. "I read about singing to your love interest in a book once…_verdammt, _I apologize for that."

Feliciano shook his head. "It was beautiful." He said, his eyes closing again. "_Buona Notte, _Ludwig. That means goodnight."

"_Gute nacht, _Feliciano."

* * *

_To be continued..._


	14. Chapter 14

Two weeks after his birthday, Feliciano was sitting in Ludwig's room yet again. They were studying, their books spread across the bed haphazardly. Even though he should have been immersing himself in historical key terms and math formulas, the dull ache in Feliciano's stomach was distracting him. Lovino still hadn't called him or acknowledged his seventeenth birthday in any way. He'd checked the mail everyday for cards, checked his voicemail for message religiously and always came up with nothing.

It was true that Feliciano was usually the one to call first, but he didn't want to do that this time. He tried to tell himself that it was okay, Lovino was probably busy with college, it's probably been bothering him too, but his rationalizations never held water. He found it very hard to believe that someone could be so busy they couldn't spare five minutes to wish their own sibling a happy birthday.

Ludwig must have sensed that something was wrong. He set his pencil down and looked at him. "Are you alright?"

Feliciano sighed. "My brother forgot about my birthday." He said. "It's been two weeks and he hasn't called."

Ludwig nodded. "I see. This upsets you." He stated.

"Yeah, it does…" Feliciano was about to launch into an explanation but decided not to bother. It didn't take a rocket scientist to notice the space growing between him and his brother. He wished he could see him again, live with him again, but at this specific point in time it wasn't possible. In reality, Feliciano wasn't sure if it would ever be possible again. After college, Lovino would be getting ready to start a life of his own. Not long after, Feliciano would be starting a life of _his _own. And that terrified him.

Ludwig placed his hand on Feliciano's shoulder. "I'm sure he'll pull through."

"I hope so." Feliciano said. Since there was nothing else he could do, he decided to be optimistic and finally managed a smile. "Yeah, he will! Let's keep studying then."

So they did, Feliciano feeling just slightly better while he poured over textbooks. After awhile, he caught himself glancing off the page to look at Ludwig. It sure was hard to concentrate when he was there, looking so perfect in the late afternoon sun. His blonde hair seemed to glisten in the light coming through the windows, his too-tight shirt forever clinging to his sculpted torso. Feliciano lost interest in studying. He closed the textbook with conviction, willing Ludwig to notice.

And he did notice, looking up from the page he was staring at to meet his eyes. "Is something wrong?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.

Feliciano smiled. "Nope."

Ludwig appeared confused. Feliciano erased his confusion when without warning he all but pounced on him like a cat in heat. Ludwig's cheeks immediately darkened. "I'm bored," said Feliciano. "Let's have fun, Ludwig, please?"

Ludwig knew he couldn't say no to him. Without uttering another word, he forgot about the books that sat in front of him and pulled Feliciano close. They kissed, and within seconds the schoolwork was instantly forgotten. Feliciano heard what sounded like a car in the driveway. He figured it must be Gilbert, either coming back from some party or leaving for one. He was too busy with Ludwig to care. His heart beat with a familiar quickness and an undying affection. Ludwig gripped his waist like he was scared to let go. Everything was perfect for a few minutes.

Then the door opened.

Ludwig's eyes shot open and without warning he pushed Feliciano off of him, who landed on the space on the bed next to them. Feliciano sat up, looking at him with utter confusion. For a minute he was sure it was Gilbert. There was no one else in the house after all; at least that's what he'd come to believe. He didn't bother to look at the door, or out the window, or anywhere beyond Ludwig's face, not having time to think what was going on. After a minute of confusing silence, Ludwig spoke in what was the smallest voice Feliciano had ever heard him use.

"Dad?"

Feliciano's head whipped around. The person at the door was not Gilbert. It wasn't a person he'd ever seen before, and by the looks of him, someone he never wanted to know. This man was massive, even more so than Ludwig. He had the same blue eyes, the small blonde hair, but there was something about his stance and his expression that made him much, much different than Ludwig. It was something that Feliciano could not place; yet sent him into a tizzy of unease.

There was a moment of terrible, tense silence. No one dared to breathe. Ludwig hadn't told Feliciano much about his father, but looking at him was enough that he didn't have to. Before Feliciano even had time to think, the very earth around them broke into pieces.

"Ludwig, what the hell is this?" He said. His teeth were clenched so tightly it looked like they might shatter. His German accent was much heavier than Ludwig's, making his English words nearly impossible to decipher. His voice was naturally loud and on the brink of shouting, causing it to boom throughout the small room.

Ludwig scrambled into a sitting position. "Why are you here?" Panic rose in his voice. "You've been in Germany for months, I never thought…"

His father cut him off. "Was Gilbert too much of an idiot to tell you? I told him I would be in town his week." He took a few steps into the room. "Looks like I picked the perfect time to come."

Feliciano's blood had run cold. All he could do was sit on the bed in stunned silence, too afraid to move, too afraid to blink, to breathe. The man's shouting sent fear through his heart. Nothing had even happened, but the overpowering sense of impending doom was enough to stop his heart. One thing was painfully clear: Ludwig's father did not approve. He gripped the blanket in both his hands, waiting.

As if Gilbert was responding to a call, he tore up the steps as soon as his name was spoken. His usual calm, arrogant demeanor had vanished from his face. He stood outside the doorway, frozen in place, a couple of feet away from his father. Feliciano could barely make it out, but he swore he could see his lips mouthing out "I'm sorry."

Ludwig had the expression of a child lost in a mall. "Dad, everything is okay, I…"

The man didn't even seem to notice Ludwig's words. He turned to Gilbert in one violent, jerking motion. "Why didn't you tell me about this?" He yelled, his cheeks turning red. "My own son is a fucking faggot and you didn't bother to tell me!"

"Don't call him that!" Gilbert yelled back, a snarl appearing on his face. He stormed forward until he was right in his father's face. "Why the hell do you think I didn't tell you? Do you think I was going to throw him under the bus like that?"

"Get back, Gilbert. This isn't of your concern." The volume of his voice had flipped from a yell to barely a whisper. Somehow, it was just as terrifying- maybe even more so.

He whipped back in the other direction and took a series of menacing steps towards the bed. "Who the hell is this?" He spat the words, pointing an angry finger towards Feliciano. Feliciano did what he could to writhe away from him, which resulted in shoving his body almost completely against the wall. His heart pounded against his ribcage like a rabid animal against the side of a cage.

Ludwig was standing now, less than a foot of space between him and his father. "His name is Feliciano." He said, a slight quiver in his voice. "He is my friend."

_"__Quatsch!" _He yelled, his face turning red. "I am not blind, Ludwig! How long has this… this _abomination_ been going on?"

Ludwig said nothing. He only stood there, frozen in fear, the color having drained from his face. Feliciano sat helplessly on the bed and fought the feelings of lightheadedness that made him think he would faint. He had never seen Ludwig so terrified, so helpless. He was watching a family crumble in front of his eyes. One thing Ludwig had said came to mind. _My father is very religious…_

Ludwig's father, having lost patience, grabbed him by the front of his shirt and yanked him towards him in a violent lurch. "Answer me!"

"About two months!"

The world stood still. After two seconds that felt like two lifetimes, Ludwig was thrown against the closet door, hitting it with a sickening crash. "You'll burn in hell!" He screamed. "You're _disgusting!" _He walked towards Ludwig, his face so red it looked like it would combust at any second.

Ludwig made no effort to stand up, to fight back. Feliciano could only scream as he looked at his face and nearly collapsed. He was crushed under the weight of his fear that was doubling every second. Ludwig looked absolutely panicked; his eyes wide like a deer in the headlights and his mouth hanging open.

Gilbert flew into the room with a battle cry etched into his face. "For the love of god, he's your _son!_" He made an effort to grab his father's arms. His efforts were only met by a shift shove that knocked him a few steps back. His expression changed from determined to helpless in a split second. "Please!"

Their father didn't even flinch at his son's begging. He only turned to Ludwig again, his face twisted in the purest rage Feliciano had ever seen. He yanked him up by the shirt, his fist shaking. "You are not my son." His voice was low and borderline demonic. With that he punched him square in the jaw with his free hand. A sickening crack filled the room as Ludwig fell back to the ground.

This was not reality. Reality couldn't possibly be this cruel. Feliciano cried out again, hot tears now streaming down his face. Without thinking and pulsing with adrenaline he threw himself between them, holding his hands in front of him like that alone would stop the monstrous man from hurting Ludwig any further. "Don't hurt him." He said, his voice small and shaking. "I'll do anything! Just please stop hurting him, please!" In that moment, Feliciano did not care if that man killed him. He would do anything to get him away from Ludwig.

The man scoffed humorlessly. "So you're the one who ruined my son?" He inched towards Feliciano with nothing but hatred and disgust in his eyes.

Feliciano felt his blood boil, the adrenaline surging through every part of him. He backed up in a sad attempt to guard Ludwig with his frail body. Ludwig gripped the edge of his shirt like a child as if to beg Feliciano to get himself away from the situation. Feliciano knew he couldn't do that. Ludwig had protected him in the past. Now it was his turn.

"I love Ludwig!" Feliciano's quivering voice rose with every word. "If your god has a problem with that, he's not a god worth worshiping at all! He's nothing more than a _bully!"_

Feliciano didn't even feel it when the man's open hand made sharp contact with his cheek. He barely realized when the force sent him reeling backwards and he crashed against the nightstand. The man's words sounded like nothing more than a jumble of sounds. "You're not only a disgusting faggot, but a blasphemer!"

Gilbert raced to where he had landed. It was clear that he was panicking. He acted as if he didn't know how to use his body. He got on one knee and made a desperate attempt to pull both Ludwig and Feliciano up and away from the violence that was his father, mumbling incoherently, as if that would somehow work. His attempt was futile, however, when his much larger father simply elbowed him the chest and sent him staggering backwards.

The man didn't waste any time getting back to Ludwig. He shoved him against the wall and caused his head to bang into it. It sounded like a gunshot. Feliciano was sobbing now, screaming in agony as if he were the one being beaten. His heart fell like it was being ripped from his chest, crushed under the realization that he wasn't stronger than this man. Any attempts at stopping him would only make him angrier, nothing he could possibly do would pry him off of Ludwig. He clapped his hand against his pocket and came to the devastating understanding that he had left his phone at home.

Feliciano spoke instinctually. "Call 911, Gilbert!"

"I'll have your head if you do!" Gilbert ignored his father's words, jumped to his feet and flew towards the phone in the kitchen. The man then turned to Feliciano with Ludwig in a death grip. "Get the hell away from him! You've turned him into a dirty fucking sinner!"

Feliciano felt the walls closing in on him. That telltale feeling of confusion and overwhelming fear wrapped around him like a snake and squeezed the air from his lungs. _No. Not right now. It can't happen right now… _His breathing sped up to a terrifying rate, and he realized he could not stop the attack from happening. But that did not matter. His heart could have exploded in his chest and he wouldn't have noticed. He was a fingernail's width from losing consciousness, but he was barely aware of the dizzying sensation. All he could concentrate on was the man's hand moving to Ludwig's neck.

"Stop…" Feliciano's voice had been stolen from him. "Oh god, please…"

"GET OUT!"

Ludwig brought his hand to his father's and used every ounce of his strength to try and pull his hands away from his neck. He looked at Feliciano, his blue eyes bloodshot and wide with fear, his mouth open and desperate to form words. "Feliciano…run…" His voice sounding like it was far in the distance. "Please…run…"

Feliciano's eyes widened. No, he couldn't run. Ludwig hadn't run away from those boys the first day they met, the boy at his locker, anything or anyone. Ludwig needed him now. Feliciano shook his head vigorously as the room spun in circles around him. Ludwig's face had the slightest hint of blue now. He did not struggle, or even move, or do anything that suggested he was still alive. The room was too quiet. For some sick, twisted reason, the quiet caused it to borderline on _calm._ His chest rose and fell violently as slight purple bruises bloomed around his father's fingers. Gilbert's rushed voice could be heard from the kitchen, his words fast and loud and he yelled at the 911 operators.

The room broke into pieces- sounds Feliciano could not place, emotions he could barely feel. Unsure what options he had left, he made another desperate attempt at speaking. There were a million things he could have said; yet no words could escape his mouth. He ended up making a sound that sounded more like a strangled squeal that he did not hear as the room turned on its side. This was a nightmare, it had to be, nothing this terrible could happen to Ludwig, not to Ludwig…

Ludwig's father didn't hit Feliciano this time, only looked at him with wild eyes and a clenched jaw. Feliciano felt a weight on his chest. His head spun like it never had before, nothing felt real, and the ground was about to split beneath him. Feliciano could not see anything anymore. Had the sky fallen, had the world already ended?

He realized there was nothing else he could do.

So he ran.

On legs that were not his, Feliciano pried himself off the floor and tore out of the room, down the hallway and down the steps. Feliciano froze as he watched Gilbert run back into Ludwig's bedroom. There was a series of clattering sound, things smashing and a barrage of shouting in German. Through the ruckus Feliciano could make out some of what Gilbert was saying, his English clear as day.

"You're going to _kill _him, dad!"

The pain became too much, and Feliciano reached his breaking point. He swung the door open and ran outside, the late afternoon sun shining in his eyes like a flashlight. He didn't stop for a second. Not when police sirens zooming towards Ludwig's house passed him, not when the police officers stormed through the door he had left open, their gun holsters banging against their sides. He only ran, ran and screamed like he wanted his throat to rip open, down the sidewalk and across streets and lawns until he finally reached his own house.

As soon as he opened the door he collapsed onto the floor. He was screaming at the top of his lungs like someone had tightened an iron vice around his lungs, his throat, suffocating him. He was being thrown under water with an anvil tied to each of his ankles. Feliciano willed for god to kill him, the vile, wretched god that Ludwig's father got his ideals from. He was dying, drowning, suffocating, chocking, being buried alive.

His stomach lurched like it was trying to turn itself inside out. He managed to make his way to the bathroom, all while feeling like he was fighting his way through glass. Immediately upon reaching the bathroom he got sick. Afterwards he sunk to the cold, most likely dirty tile floor. He had no tears left to cry, no screams left to scream.

_I have to go back. _He thought as he wiped his mouth haphazardly with his sleeve. "I have to go back!" He said it out-loud this time and balled his hands into fists. His mind was a tangled mess of conflicting thoughts. Ludwig needed him. No, he didn't need him. Feliciano closed his eyes, the last tears he had spilling from his eyes. He was useless. Nothing he said or did could help him. He couldn't even pry his father off of him, and then he ran like a coward. His head pounded like a jackhammer against an old sidewalk. The image of Ludwig's pleading, helpless eyes was burned in his thoughts; the eyes that Feliciano wasn't able to save.

_I'm so useless. Useless useless useless useless. _The word shot around in his head until it was nothing more than a jumble of sounds, sounds that hit him like bullets and smacked him like fists. The word beat at him until his vision doubled, then blurred, then grew edged in black before one final word escaped his lips.

"Ludwig…"

Right after he said it, the darkness overtook him.

* * *

_ Important Notes_

_*__Quatsch- German, means something similar to "bullshit."_

___*Ludwig's father is not Germania or any other canon character. He is a plot device._

* * *

_To be continued..._


	15. Chapter 15

Feliciano woke up on the bathroom floor. He didn't know how much time had passed, but judging by the night sky that had appeared in the window he could guess it had been at least a couple hours. The sky was pitch black, no moon and no stars to be seen. He pried his head from the ground. His face was sticky from tears, and his throat was scraped raw from screaming and he had a putrid taste in his mouth.

For a moment, he allowed himself to believe that all that had happened had been a dream. As he woke up, however, he realized that it was very real. His mind raced with possibilities. Was Ludwig's dad arrested? Was Gilbert able to stop him? Did he stop himself?

Did he actually kill him?

Feliciano shook the thought from his head. No, that didn't happen. It wasn't possible. He would never be able to live with himself if it happened. He considered going back, running through the starless night under the orange streetlights and back to Ludwig's house. He wanted to hold him, cry with him, treat his injuries and fall asleep with him, then finally wake up with him to a new day.

_Haven't you done enough? _A voice in the back of his head spat. Feliciano sat up and leaned against the base of the sink. Ludwig probably wouldn't want to see him. He wouldn't blame him. After all, if Feliciano hadn't been there in the first place none of what had happened would have occurred. If he had never forced his way into his life to begin with, Ludwig's father wouldn't be calling the poor thing disgusting right now.

He buried his head in his hands. "It's my fault." He muttered to himself, tears again beginning to fall. Feliciano was so sick of crying. He was so sick of feeling bad for himself, sick of drowning in self-pity and sick of being so pathetic it caused him to this way. He slowly stood up and looked in the mirror. Admittedly, he looked like hell. His eyes were red and irritated. His hair was sticking out wildly in all directions yet that blasted curl was still visible. His cheeks were streaky with tears, and there was even a bit of dried bile on the side of his mouth.

Grimacing, he turned the water on and washed his face before brushing his teeth and running a brush through his ridiculous hair. He trudged his way to his bedroom and somewhere along the line managed to throw on pajamas. During the process he noticed the cross necklace still sitting on his chest. He suppressed the urge to cry again as he tucked it under his pajamas shirt, crawled into bed and fell into a fitful, exhausting sleep filled with dreams he didn't have the heart to repeat.

.

Feliciano's eyes shot open not a second after his alarm went off. Ludwig, he needed to see Ludwig. What had he been thinking last night? Why had he not gone back? He hoped with every part of his being that he would be at school, waiting at his locker. He prayed that Ludwig's injuries weren't severe, that he wouldn't be hurt enough to be in the hospital right now. Oh god, if Ludwig had been hospitalized…

He hurled himself into school clothes, deliberately putting on the oversized shirt that Ludwig had lent him and he had neglected to return. Ten minutes later was he out the door, running to the school building with his bag banging against his back. Feliciano didn't even feel it. Ignoring everything and everyone else, he ran to the hallway his locker was in, keeping his head down. If Ludwig wasn't there, he wasn't ready to know.

He reached his locker, looked up and opened his eyes. Nothing. Ludwig wasn't there, only a dead, empty space that he was supposed to fill. Feliciano's heart hit the floor and his knees went weak. Not knowing what else to do, he fished his phone out of his pocket and dialed Ludwig's number from memory. It rang and it rang…but there was no answer. No, there had to be an explanation. Maybe his phone was dead or on silent. Maybe he was on his way. Maybe he just happened to come down with a cold.

Deep down, Feliciano knew that he was reaching. It was painfully obvious why Ludwig wasn't there. Only questions were left now. When would he come back? Would he want anything to do with Feliciano when he did? Was he hurt, and if he was, how badly?

Feliciano's hand shook as he put his phone back in his pocket. He looked around and suddenly felt exposed. He cursed himself for thinking of himself in a time like this, but he couldn't help but worry about what would happen to him that day with Ludwig being gone. Surely his tormentors had been waiting for this day, plotting what they would do at the first opportunity they had. He almost screamed when he realized this day, out of all days, was one where he had gym.

For a long moment, Feliciano could only stand there. Even though not even twenty-four hours had passed, it might as well have been decades. It felt like it had been years since he'd last seen Ludwig. Feliciano felt like there was something missing, something that he yearned for desperately. Worry overtook his body and made him sick to his stomach. It was like his heart was sliced out of his chest, replaced with a ball of anxiety and nothing else.

_Please let him be okay… _He thought, opening his locker with trembling hands. _Come back, Ludwig…_

His inner monologue was cut off prematurely when he felt a fist make contact with his back, the act followed by laughter. He held his breath until the offender walked away from him. The breath he held came out in a sigh. At least he hadn't done much of anything, but Feliciano knew that was only a warning for what would happen.

Throughout the time it took for Feliciano to make his way to the locker room and get halfway done changing, he did nothing but think of Ludwig. The memory of his terrified eyes was burned permanently in his brain, coupled with the echo of the last words he had said to him that night. _Feliciano…run…please…run…_

Feliciano closed his eyes and shot them open with force, a frantic attempt to get the undying image out of his mind. The attempt was futile. That image might as well have been burned into his soul. His words played on repeat. Feliciano cursed himself, wishing he had said _something _before he ran away. He wished he had told Ludwig he loved him, but then again, what would have happened? What kind of rage would that evoke in his father? Still, there must have been something he could have said, something he could have _done…_

Cold, ominous hands were gripping Feliciano by the shoulders. He froze, not daring to look behind him. How was this happening already? He had been without Ludwig for less than an hour. It was like Ludwig was the hand holding Feliciano as he dangled over the edge of a cliff. The second he was gone; Feliciano was left to plummet to his death.

"Where's blondie?" A voice said, rubbing Feliciano's bare shoulders in nauseating circles. He felt his stomach twist. Without even looking at whoever was behind him, he could tell what his face looked like: mocking and twisted into a revolting sneer. "This is what you like, right?" He said, his palms digging into Feliciano's shoulder blades.

The pressure hurt. Feliciano shrugged his shoulders deliberately in an attempt to get his filthy hands off of him. "Get off me." He muttered, surprising himself with his own words. This is what Ludwig would want, for him to stand up for himself. Besides, what more did he have to lose? Despite this, his pulse still accelerated.

"Now, now, calm down." He said. Those filthy hands made their way to the middle of Feliciano's back and he shuttered in disgust mixed with fear. "We all know what you little fags like."

That word. That word had caused so much pain. Feliciano made a silent promise to himself to never let the words cross his lips as long as he lived.

"For someone who uses a word like that, you sure seem to enjoy touching me!" Feliciano's voice cracked mid-sentence, but he did not care. These words were not his. They were too strong, too confident to be his. He ripped his shirt from he locker, stood up and pulled it over his head, finally distancing himself from the hands that weren't Ludwig's.

The boy had not expected this. He pulled back, surprised, scoffing at Feliciano and giving him a half-hearted shove before plodding away. Feliciano wasn't able to muster up any feelings of pride for this accomplishment. He felt nothing.

For once, the period passed without incident. Feliciano managed to slip away from his class, hiding behind the bleachers while the lot of them ran laps around the track. The instructor didn't notice. Feliciano wasn't sure if his teacher even knew his name. He pulled his phone from the pockets of his shorts, having brought it with him for one reason alone. He tried Ludwig's number again. No answer.

Throughout the course of the day, Feliciano was shoved twice, insulted by strangers three times and sneered at more times than he could count. He barely noticed. What he was going through now couldn't hold a candle to the pain he'd felt last night. Not only that- whatever pain he went through, Ludwig must have gone through it a hundred times over. Feliciano imagined his grandfather throwing him against a wall like a ragdoll, calling him disgusting and saying he wasn't his grandson…he shuttered at the thought.

The second he got home, Feliciano threw himself into bed. His body was wracked with fatigue, too exhausted to think, to feel. Sleep was the only escape. Feliciano wished it didn't have to be so temporary.

.

Three more days flew away. Three days that Feliciano ran to his locker only to be met by no one. Three days Feliciano was pushed around at every opportunity. Three days that Feliciano dialed Ludwig's number, waiting with baited breath only to hear his voicemail. He left messages, messages that begged Ludwig to talk to him, to give any sort of signal that he was okay, that he didn't hate him. Three days without Ludwig might as well have been three days without sun.

The fourth day fell on a Saturday. It was after noon, and Feliciano hadn't even bothered to get out of bed. Why would he? Facing the day meant facing himself, facing his worry and guilt and defeating loneliness that only seemed to double each and everyday.

Then there was a knock at the door.

Feliciano tore down the stairs, his energy levels going from zero to sixty in less than a second. He was almost afraid to take the risk to think, to hope, but that hope was all he had. He stopped once his reached the door, his hand trembling around the knob. He closed his eyes and said a silent prayer to a god he wasn't sure existed. He took a final deep breath and threw the door open. _Please…_

His worst fear came true when the figure standing there was not Ludwig. The person standing by the door was what could best be described as Gilbert's ghost. His arrogant smile was gone. Everything that made Gilbert, Gilbert was gone. The bags around his eyes suggested that he hadn't slept in days, the paleness in his face that he hadn't so much as thought about eating. Gilbird sat on his shoulder, his bead-like eyes unmoving. He ran a shaking hand through his stark-white hair, staying silent for what seemed like an eternity.

"Hi, Feliciano." He said quietly, managing the smallest smile. "Um, how's it going?"

Feliciano had never heard such a ridiculous question. He had no time for small talk right now. "What happened to Ludwig?" He took a step forward and looked outside. His eyes darted around in frenzy, searching for a flash of blonde hair or blue eyes. "Is he okay? Is he with you? Where is he? Please tell me he's okay, Gilbert! I'm sorry I ran I didn't know what else to do I-"

Gilbert held his hand out in front of him, stopping him. "That's actually what I'm here for." He said. "Can I come in?"

Feliciano's blood turned cold. Whatever this could be, it could not be good. With a shaking hand, he ushered him in and led him to the kitchen table. Gilbert sat down with an exhausted thud as if he had been standing all his life. "I was…kind of hoping he'd be here." He looked around as if Feliciano would be hiding him, sighed, and then focused his attention on picking at the edge of his sleeve. "He's not, I'm guessing…"

Feliciano's stomach dropped to his feet. The floor fell away from him, and Gilbert's words sounded like nothing more than a slur of noises. He felt his chest tighten, his ears filling with a deafening ring, vertigo hitting him like an incoming truck. It took everything he had to bring himself back into focus, to hear what Ludwig's distressed brother was telling him.

"No. He's not here." Feliciano adverted his eyes. "Why?" He already knew the answer, but all he could do was ask.

Gilbert sighed and looked up. His face held a look of utter defeat that Feliciano had never expected to see on his face. "Because he's not with me."

While Feliciano couldn't say he was surprised, devastation set in like nothing he'd ever felt before. He remembered all those confusing emotions he had felt when he was unknowingly falling in love with Ludwig. These emotions were of a similar strength, only they were the negations of what they were before. Safety was replaced with fear. Innocent nervousness was replaced by gut wrenching anxiety. Happiness was replaced with crushing depression. More than anything, hope was replaced by hopelessness. "Where is he then?" asked Feliciano, even though he knew he wouldn't get an answer.

"I'm not sure," said Gilbert. "Man, I thought he'd be here. I'm really not sure where else he'd go, where else would he want to go?" He sounded like he was simply thinking out loud, not really expecting an answer.

Feliciano's head was spinning. There were a million things he needed to ask, but he couldn't be sure how to ask them. Even if he did, did he really want an answer? "What happened after I left?" He had to take a deep breath before he asked his next question. "Is he hurt?"

Gilbert shook his head. Feliciano felt the slightest twinge of relief. "The police got there before Ludwig…lost consciousness." His voice grew quieter as he spoke. "It took, like, four guys to pull my dad off of Ludwig. _Gott, _it was scary. He looked like a rapid dog or something, the way he looked at him like he wanted him dead…" He closed his eyes and shook his head. "I have no idea why he'd think that's an okay thing to do. Like, what kind of god would tell him to that that? He definitely wouldn't be an awesome one. All that because Ludwig loves you and you don't have a vagina?"

Feliciano could have laughed at Gilbert's bluntness if the circumstances had been different. Instead he only looked into his bleary red eyes, waiting for him to continue.

"Anyway, they threw him in jail. That's the best place he could be, if you ask me! Serves him right. There's no way in hell I'm ever going to bail him out, let his ass rot in that cell forever, for all I care!" Gilbert banged his fist against the table before getting a grip on himself. "When Ludwig got himself together after, you know, being strangled and all that…the police officers wanted him to go to the hospital, just to make sure he was okay, you know? But he wouldn't go. He fought them off and ignored me when I told them to just go with them already, he wouldn't listen to anyone."

The terrible image didn't take long to force its way into Feliciano's mind. At that moment, he knew he should have stayed. He didn't care if that man killed him, at least it would have taken his energy off of Ludwig. He should have been there to get Ludwig the medical attention he needed. If he didn't listen to Gilbert, maybe he would have listened to Feliciano? He wasn't sure, he could never be sure, because he had run away like a coward. He only nodded, willing Gilbert to keep going even if he was not sure he wanted him to.

"So I pretty much begged Ludwig to just calm down, and I am _not _someone who begs. Anyway, he just shoved me away from him and started throwing things in a bag. The kid is a hell of a lot bigger than me, so I couldn't exactly stop him. I tried yelling at him, but that didn't exactly go over well either since he just yelled back at me. After I realized he wasn't going to listen to me and I shut up, he got in his car and sped off. He didn't tell me where he was going, and he hasn't come back." Gilbert paused. "Did he tell you?"

Feliciano's eyes had grown glassy by the time he slowly shook his head. "No, he hasn't spoken to me since what happened." He said. "Has he called you?"

"No, I've tried to call him, like, a million times. It keeps getting sent to voicemail."

"What, so he's basically dropped of the face of the planet?" exclaimed Feliciano. This was so, so unlike Ludwig. "Do you guys have any relatives around here he could have gone to, maybe to a friend's or something?"

Gilbert raised his eyebrows. "I think we both know that you're Ludwig's only friend." He said. Feliciano nodded. The fact was unfortunate, but that didn't make it any less true. "Our entire family lives in Germany. Unless we have some long lost great-great-uncle or something around here, there's nowhere but here that I think he'd go."

Feliciano grappled for possibilities, no matter how ridiculous. "Could he have gone to Germany? Like, just got on a plane?"

"It's not like Ludwig has a ton of money. I mean, he has a debit card and money from odd jobs he's done here and there, but nothing that would get him to Europe and keep him there." He said with a sigh. "Plus, I really don't think Ludwig is the kind of person to just skip the country on a whim."

Feliciano nodded. Gilbert was right. If he knew Ludwig, he knew that even a simple birthday party took him weeks of planning. Although, after what happened Feliciano had no idea what could have snapped inside of Ludwig. He got up, got two bottles of water out of the refrigerator and tossed an apple to Gilbert. He looked about ready to keel over. Gilbert accepted it and nodded in gratitude.

"So what do we do now?" Feliciano had no idea himself.

"Well, we could start by filling out one of those missing person things."

Feliciano's eyes widened. "You mean you haven't done that yet?"

Gilbert swallowed a bite of the apple. "Hey, I really, really thought he'd be here. I thought he'd just gotten pissed and come here to cool down, and he'd be back in a couple days. That sounds like something he'd do, doesn't it? But it's been a few days now, so I got worried."

Feliciano stood up. "Let's go now!" He exclaimed. "We're wasting time! Come on, Gilbert!" He continued, racing over to where Gilbert was sitting and tugging on his arm. If they were going to find Ludwig, this was the best way to do it.

"Yeah, that's probably a good idea. Alright, alright. Let's go, kid."

They piled into Gilbert's car and set off towards the local police station. Feliciano had never been there before, but Gilbert assured him he new exactly where it was. "When you party as awesomely as I do," he said, a bit of his signature arrogance coming back, "sometimes things get a little messy." That made Feliciano smile. He had really missed smiling.

It didn't take long to reach the police station. Feliciano trailed behind Gilbert as they walked inside and secretly hoped he would do most of the talking. They reached the inside and saw a young looking man with blonde hair and glasses, in the process of scarfing down a hamburger. When he saw them walk in he put the burger down and wiped his mouth on the back of his hand haphazardly.

"Sorry, slow day today." He spoke with an American accent so strong it reminded Feliciano what country he was in. "My name is Officer Jones! You can call me Alfred if you want, I've never been much for all that formality junk."

Feliciano was shocked at the young officer's enthusiasm and lack of decorum. He looked young, almost too young to be working there. His blue eyes were bright and attentive in a way that gave off a feeling of approachability. Alfred was a poster child for your all-American boy next door.

Gilbert was the one to speak first. "Hey, Alfred. I'm Gilbert. We need to report a missing person. My brother has been gone for three days and we have no idea where he's at." When he said 'we', Gilbert pointed his thumb at Feliciano. "This is Feliciano. He's his, uh, what do you guys prefer? Partner?"

Feliciano felt his cheeks flush. Was this really a necessary piece of information? "Partner is fine." He muttered. His eyes were fixed on his shoes.

Alfred didn't even flinch. "Missing person, huh? That sucks. So what's this kid's name and age?"

"Ludwig Beilschmidt. He's seventeen." Gilbert said. Despite the fact that he'd answered Alfred's questions already, he continued. "He ran away when my dad went nuts on him. He's, like, _crazy_ homophobic."

Alfred's eyes widened at the explanation. He stood up and leaned over the desktop. "Oh! I was involved in that case! That dude was intense, man! It took me and three of our best men to get a hold of him!" He reeled himself back and slumped back in his seat. "That was awful to see. It's really a shame that things like this have to happen. He ran away, huh? Can't say I'm surprised. We get a lot of cases were kids are thrown out after coming out. Either that, or they just up and leave because they can't come to terms with it."

Feliciano's knees went weak. When he eventually told Lovino, would he never speak to him again? What would be the case with his grandfather? He tried to concentrate on the task at hand. This wasn't about him; it was about getting Ludwig home safely.

Alfred began rummaging around in one the drawers behind the desk. "Our detective is out today, but filling out a form is something I think I can handle." He said. "Let me tell you dudes how this is going to work. So, I'm going to put all his information on this form here." He held a piece of paper in front of him before slapping it down on the desktop. "Then once we get all the information we can on him, I'll send it down to the Detective Juvenile Unit. They'll put all his information in this thing called the National Crime Information Center. This thing basically alerts us if any information is found on him. Just to let you know, promises aren't exactly things we make around here."

Gilbert and Feliciano nodded in unison. It was about what they expected.

The officer sighed. "Here's the thing, though." He said, the corner of his mouth twitching slightly. "I'm going to be honest with you. This system sucks, dude. Take it from someone who's worked on a lot of these. Ludwig is seventeen. Kids who are under fourteen are the ones that we really worry about, the ones we really search for. Runaways in general aren't our biggest priority. Now, this is something I completely disagree with and hate, but most police units see them as delinquents that'll just run away again the second we get them back home."

"Ludwig is _not _a delinquent!" said Gilbert. "He's a loser and he's really dumb sometimes, but this is the first troublesome thing he's ever done! And he had a damn good reason!"

Alfred held his hands out in front of him in defeat. "I know. Believe me, I know. I'm not going to pretend I know your brother, but I met him for a couple minutes when I was called to your house. I didn't have much of a chance to speak to him, but I can tell good kids from bad kids. Ludwig is a good kid."

Feliciano felt a lump in his throat and tears in his eyes. "He is." He choked out, the first words he'd said since entering the building. "He really is."

"Hey, I know you! I saw you that night!" Alfred leaned over the desk to get a better look at him. "You were running home. I don't blame ya. It must have been awful to see what was going on…" He shook his head and took a closer look at him. "Hey, don't cry. It'll be okay. I'm going to tell you a little secret. I'm probably not supposed to tell you this, but when we finally managed to restrain his insane father, your friend yelled 'you can't keep me from Feliciano, he needs me!' right at his face as we pulled the guy away! He'll come back, kid. I know he will!"

Feliciano's eyes widened as a sickening twist off guilt hit him in the stomach. The tears that had been threatening to spill from his eyes finally did. He did need Ludwig. Part of him wanted to believe that Ludwig needed him, too. He hid his face in his hands, embarrassed.

"Well that didn't go nearly as well as I thought it would." Alfred muttered. He sighed and adjusted his glasses. "Let's get this thing filled out."

The next fifteen minutes were spent with Gilbert raddling off a bunch of information to Alfred, who scribbled what he was telling him furiously on the form. Feliciano sat in a nearby chair, mesmerized by the swinging motion of his own legs. Other than answering the occasional question from Gilbert or Alfred, he said nothing. He didn't want to think anymore. All he wanted was Ludwig.

* * *

_To be continued..._


End file.
